Awful falling out with friend

LegacyUser

I had a big falling out with a friend at a festival over the weekend and it’s left me sick to my stomach. In short we were both in the wrong for different things, but I feel we could have sorted it out if we’d just had a chat about it. I don’t want to go into what happened, but it wasn’t a huge deal, and certainly could have been resolved.

But her behaviour after the falling out is what really hurt. I tried to chat with her calmly in private over what had happened and she called her boyfriend over (who is an awful d*ickhead) and he started berating me with her. I was stunned and upset and asked her to calm down. Instead they walked off and left me on my own (she had invited me to the festival with them – along with their friends who I didn’t know).

I was wandering around alone and when I saw them again 10-15 mins later. I walked over to try say hi and her boyfriend said “why don’t you f*uck off”, and she gave me a dirty look. I walked away feeling horrified at them both. I couldn’t believe they were treating me like this and leaving me on my own when they knew I’d come to the festival with them and that I’d be alone.

The next day I found I’d been blocked everywhere by her. It was all so horrible. I hadn’t seen her in weeks, this all came out of the blue. I haven’t been able to sleep and I feel so sick. She’s a pretty cold person though, so I know she won’t be giving me a second thought. This isn’t the first time she’s treated me badly, I’m stupid for ever putting up with it in the past, but this time was really awful.

I don’t like sounding like a victim, but it just hurt so bad. I think it’s good to have her out of my life but I just don’t know how to get over being treated so badly by a friend, it’s all I can think about.

Ursus Horribilis

fallingout wrote: »

She’s a pretty cold person though, so I know she won’t be giving me a second thought. This isn’t the first time she’s treated me badly, I’m stupid for ever putting up with it in the past, but this time was really awful.

Until I got to this bit, I was assuming this was out of character and that maybe the boyfriend was behind it. Now that I see this, it changes everything. Why would you even want somebody like that in your life? Do you not have any other friends?

LegacyUser

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Until I got to this bit, I was assuming this was out of character and that maybe the boyfriend was behind it. Now that I see this, it changes everything. Why would you even want somebody like that in your life? Do you not have any other friends?

Hi, OP here.

I don't want her in my life anymore. I overlooked her nasty behaviour in the past because in spite of it we were close and had lived together. I'm just struggling now with the aftermath of being treated that way over the weekend by someone I thought was a friend. It's really upsetting.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

It's natural to be upset when it's this recent, it's ok to feel and process your feelings about this.

And she's not a friend, she's a nasty person who was in your life for a while and now she's gone.

If you're still feeling as bad as you feel now in a couple of weeks you've got a problem on your hands like but this only happened a few days ago.

Also, not my business but depending how much partying you were doing at the festival you might have been a bit down this week anyway y'know?

You're not going to get any acknowledgement or apology from her, most likely. She's not going to understand or care she's hurt you. So if the lack of that is part of why you're hurting you are going to have to let that go.

Can you talk to other friends about this? I know I've certainly been really hurt and sad about similar things and then had a vent to someone outside the situation and by the end been laughing at it.

Ursus Horribilis

Of course you're going to feel upset and hurt after what happened. The pair of them were way out of line and they deserve each other. You wouldn't be human if you weren't feeling terrible today. It is going to sting for a while yet but you will get over it.

I don't want to go down the road of victim blaming here but you do need to ask yourself why you overlooked all her previous bad behaviour? She's not the person you thought she was but you seem to have donned blinkers. You could read the events of the weekend as being something that was bound to happen. You didn't take the hint until you were unceremoniously told to f--k off and treated like an outcast.

fallingout

fallingout wrote: »

Hi, OP here.

I don't want her in my life anymore. I overlooked her nasty behaviour in the past because in spite of it we were close and had lived together. I'm just struggling now with the aftermath of being treated that way over the weekend by someone I thought was a friend. It's really upsetting.

It's hard to understand how someone could do that to you when you'd never to it to anyone .She's a complete bitch to leave you stranded on your own,that's unforgivable regardless of the argument.Hes obviously a total tool to even get involved in an argument between 2 "friends" and also for leaving you on your own.Theyre both horrible people but I totally understand how you feel, its shock as well as hurt that you're feeling, give it time and you will get over it...if she ever again tries to communicate in any way with you don't respond not even to discuss how this affected you,ignore her from now on..its a hard and hurtful lesson for you, some people really are vile..take care.

hawley

It sounds like a terrible experience. Can you give any context to what happened last weekend and on the past incidents. I've seen people do something like this, where the person feels that they're the leader and has lots of friends and think that the other person is reliant on them. It can happen that when you lived together, you were the quiet, subservient one and she ruled the roost. Maybe you became more assertive since you last lived with her and now she wanted to put you back in your box. It happens a lot that people who were friends in university, can fall out over trivial matters afterwards.

LegacyUser

There is an old saying which goes something like, "...with friends like that, who needs enemies"
These are people that you really don't need in your life and both her and her boyfriend sound like a pair of ignorant tossers.
Do as she has done and ghost the lot of them, dust yourself off, hold your head up high and tell yourself that you are better and above all of this.
Don't bring yourself down to their level, rise above and carry on with your life.

ILoveYourVibes

Friends should be fun and no drama.

This was the opposite. You won't feel bad about it in a week.

bitofabind

you wouldn't be human if you didnt feel upset and disappointed by this. you were badly mistreated by someone you trusted and who you thought cared about you. in time you;ll see that this is a blessing in disguise and your life is much better off without "friends" who make you feel like this.

for the mean time, be kind to yourself. her behaviour is NOT reflection on you, its simply an insight into her character. she's not someone that has your back or that you ever should rely on. i know the humiliation of being treated badly by someone that you really thought had your best interests at heart and it can really play a toll on your self-esteem if you internalise it too much. try to remind yourself of what you told us here every time you think of this: she's a cold person and isn't giving you a moment's thought. this is about her. not about you.

what helps for me too is to write a letter to that person, get it all out on paper - how she made you feel, how let down you are, how upset you are that she doesn't care about you the way you do about her, etc. And then throw the letter away. you'll feel much better for it

LegacyUser

OP, if I were you I'd regard this as a golden opportunity to drop this horrible wagon and her unmerciful tool of a boyfriend like a pair of hot bricks. Put them in your rear view mirror and never look back. You are WELL shot.

wiggle16

OP I guarantee that in a year or less you will look back on this and think "god that girl is an awful sap".

You wouldn't have treated her the way she treated you. It says all you need to know about her. Leave her to it.

Redser87

OP as others have said, this too shall pass. You won't always feel upset about this, in fact very soon you'll probably feel as if a weight has been lifted. In the meantime, take care of yourself. Spend time with kinder friends or family, cuddle a pet, turn to a hobby. Maybe try to limit how much time you spend on social media for a couple of days, as seeing how "perfect" other friendships seem could make you compare yourself to others, which isn't helpful.

Hector Savage

People who cut you out of their life like that over nothing much aren't happy, in fact it hurts them just as much on their end as it does on yours.

beertons

With friends like that, who needs enemies. Her and her boyfriend.

No loss in the slightest. Hope you had a good time at the concert after.

hawley

OP, do you have other mutual friends and is this going to cause collateral destruction to other relationships? We don't know what you did to upset her so much, but nobody deserves to be treated in such a manner. Do you have any family or friends that you can turn to at the moment? It might help if you are able to open up to someone close to you. You shouldn't just bury your head in the sand as regards your own behaviour.

PressRun

Do you have anyone else to hang out with?

I wouldn't be bothering with those two anymore. They've no interest in making an effort to make peace with you and frankly, neither of them sound like they're worth your trouble.

Salthillprom

She isn't a friend. Real friends, even during arguments, do not do this. Don't bother with her again. She is obviously a poisonous wasp. You have dodged a bullet here. Run fast.

poisonated

I was ghosted by “friends” of mine. It is a very difficult thing to cope with. But people who are willing to do that to someone aren’t worth your time.

rondog

OP-in order to give a proper response youd need to be more specific about the argument.

You say you were both in the wrong but unless people know what you(s) actually did ,its hard to give context to your issue.