Brothers not talking.

LegacyUser

I have three friends.


They are brothers.


But very different people.

They were raised in a kind of old fashioned way. But a kind good way. But just don't talk about things kind of a way.

Some time ago the father passed away sadly. The mother has been very ill of late. She went into a coma over the summer and to help her breath she needed a tube and they had to remove a part of her voice box. She needs speech therapy. She recovered from the coma (it was caused by diabetes) but then got a stomach infection soon after.

So needless to say this family has gone through a lot.


All during this time the brothers have kept a family business going. While still doing other jobs.

The family business needs physical work every day and also financial acumen. They have specialized skills in their other jobs that link in.

But its mostly left up to ONE brother. Which he resents. He is the middle brother. An awesome guy.

He sees his younger brother as being irresponsible. A wild rock star. He is an awesome guy too though just in a different way.

The middle brother sees the older brother has having been the golden child the focus was always on him. Very academically gifted. Gifted at his job. But very shy.


The issue is none of them are speaking to each other. All through the difficulty etc. They do whatever business they need etc. But i asked one brother if he could give a message to the other one as i assumed he would see him sooner than me. And he said 'I haven't seen him in ages we don't speak anymore we are not talking'.

The older brother and younger brother don't talk and the middle brother and older brother don't talk.

The middle brother and younger brother are still talking. But the middle one still thinks of the younger one as wild etc irresponsible.But they get on better.

I am just worried. There is probably not much I can do.

But i have a feeling in a while the mother will sadly go. And then what?


The father passing didn't change things?
They have said they will always keep the family business going even after the mother passes. So at least that will keep them together.

But even if they are in the same room ..they don't talk.

I am hoping if i do nothing it will sort itself out. But so far its been a few years and it hasn't.

By the way the middle brother is DEFINITELY the stubborn type the more you tell him something the more he will resist. SO i can't really talk directly and open about this.

Certain things have just made me think about it recently Its such a shame they are such lovely guys.

The older brother hasn't even met the middle brother's wife yet.

bottlebrush

op this is not your problem to sort out especially when they don't seem to talk about the problem and haven't asked for help. it sounds like most of the communication between them over the years was done via the parents, and they just don't know how to communicate with each other now that one parent is dead and the other is ill. but I could be wrong.

the only thing you need to manage is staying friends with each of them and hope that it won't get to a stage where you might feel compelled to take one persons side over the other and risk none of them talking to you!

and it's natural and commendable to feel sad in the circumstances but be cautious about becoming a 'rescuer'. it usually doesn't end well.

Sardonicat

I'm struggling to sea how this is a problem to you. The middle and younger brother may have a very good reason to not speak to the older brother that you are not aware of. Maybe he's not as awesome as you think. Or maybe the two that do talk to eachother are scapegoating the other guy and they aren't as awesome as you think.

Some families are very toxic and it's for the best that scapegoated members keep their distance from toxic family members. To try and engineer a reconciliation would be overstepping your boundaries by a mile.

It says very positive things about you that you feel how sad this is. But for your own sake and theirs keep out of it. By all means, remain friends with all of them if you can but maybe take a closer look at these 'awesome' guys' behaviour. If you pay attention you'll likely discover that at least one of them isn't as awesome as you think.

heretochat

None of your business to be blunt OP.

I have brothers that I don't talk to. Can't abide the sight of them. If someone attempted to interfere in this "relationship" they would get short shrift.

So tread carefully..