Boyfriend has anxiety

Hi I am also looking for advice in this area. I have been in a relationship for 9 months with a man I am deeply in love with. Everything was great for the first 6/7 months but in the last 2 months his anxiety has torn us apart. He believes that pushing me away is doing me a favour. He has ended our relationship 3 times in 2 months but we always get back together. He overthinks everything. He tells me he loves me but he will tell me that he doesn’t just to try push me away. He has attended counselling and been on medication in the past. He refuses to go for help now. I am at my wits end. I don’t want to turn my back on him because I care too much about him and I know he feels the same but his anxiety doesn’t allow him to function properly at the moment. He doesn’t sleep very much either. Any help is greatly appreciated.

Lefty Bicek

Sinead79 wrote: »

Hi I am also looking for advice in this area. I have been in a relationship for 9 months with a man I am deeply in love with. Everything was great for the first 6/7 months but in the last 2 months his anxiety has torn us apart. He believes that pushing me away is doing me a favour. He has ended our relationship 3 times in 2 months but we always get back together. He overthinks everything. He tells me he loves me but he will tell me that he doesn’t just to try push me away. He has attended counselling and been on medication in the past. He refuses to go for help now. I am at my wits end. I don’t want to turn my back on him because I care too much about him and I know he feels the same but his anxiety doesn’t allow him to function properly at the moment. He doesn’t sleep very much either. Any help is greatly appreciated.

It seems an obvious question to ask in starting to address this - why the change in him over the past while ?

Lefty Bicek

Lefty Bicek wrote: »

It seems an obvious question to ask in starting to address this - why the change in him over the past while ?

I think he may have been masking his issues in the earlier part of the relationship. He comes across as a very jolly guy and if you didn’t know him you wouldn’t see any problem. In recent times he has had a bit of stress in his life and has issues that go back years that I don’t feel he ever properly dealt with. I should mention we are in our 40’s so not a teenage romance.

Lefty Bicek

Sinead79 wrote: »

I think he may have been masking his issues in the earlier part of the relationship. He comes across as a very jolly guy and if you didn’t know him you wouldn’t see any problem. In recent times he has had a bit of stress in his life and has issues that go back years that I don’t feel he ever properly dealt with. I should mention we are in our 40’s so not a teenage romance.

I just realised that carelessly, I've allowed the OP's thread to be hijacked - apologies to the OP for that.

My only advice to you Sinead79, will possibly not be warmly received by yourself or most others I'm afraid. But for what it's worth, I would get out of the relationship unless you really believe there is a happy solution to this problem within a relatively short time-frame.

I speak from experience.

Lefty Bicek

Lefty Bicek wrote: »

I just realised that carelessly, I've allowed the OP's thread to be hijacked - apologies to the OP for that.

My only advice to you Sinead79, will possibly not be warmly received by yourself or most others I'm afraid. But for what it's worth, I would get out of the relationship unless you really believe there is a happy solution to this problem within a relatively short time-frame.

I speak from experience.

I really don’t want to turn my back on the relationship. We are really good together despite everything. We have had amazing times but I would like to help him through the dark times

woodchuck

Mod note:

OP I think it's best that you have your own thread on this, so as not to derail the other posters thread.

All posters please note that the Personal Issues Charter now applies:
https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057233816

Ursus Horribilis

Sinead79 wrote: »

I really don’t want to turn my back on the relationship. We are really good together despite everything. We have had amazing times but I would like to help him through the dark times

Sinead, be very careful here. You could easily end up getting sucked into this "project". I agree with the poster who says you should leave unless you can see this being resolved in a relatively short time. Once you get too involved in situation like this, you stop seeing the wood from the trees.

Phileas Frog

I think you should leave well enough alone. Look after yourself first

zoobizoo

Deleted User wrote: »

He refuses to go for help now.

This is the most telling part of your post.

He doesn't go for help now... so how is he every going to face up to the reasons why he suffers from anxiety and how will he ever get better without help?

He won't.

Your choice is to either accept a life similar to what's happening now, tell him that he gets help or you will leave, or just leave now.

wiggle16

OP my ex suffered from severe anxiety and it was draining. Believe me when I say that this will not get better until he starts getting help for himself and sticking to it. If he doesn't then you might as well be p*ssing into the wind.

He was not a bad guy by any stretch, but he would not get help for himself and it took it's toll. In addition he would use it as an excuse for other things too. I spent the best part of my 20s nursing someone else's issues and not for all the tea in China would I do it again.

I'm sorry if I sound unfeeling but OP honestly, either he gets help for himself or you need to walk. You need to do what's right for you.

Thank you all for your replies. This has been a very difficult few months but I will take all of your advice on board.