family issues

bluequilt34

I live with my partner and we have a good life together. unfortunately even though I don't live at home my mother still has the power to make me feel like utter crap by guilt tripping me into feeling certain ways.
she makes me doubt certain things about my partner by putting certain things into my head that me question our relationship. I don't think she really likes that I'm very happy in my own relationship.
I also have a younger sister who lives at home and has special needs but I am always made to feel like I don't care enough or do enough for her (sister) when I do try everyday .in every argument with my mother it's always thrown back in my face show I dont care about my sister or don't do enough or the doubt about my partner. it's getting to me so much and I don't know what to do that's the right thing anymore. in the end I always just admit the blame and say sorry when sometimes I haven't done anything wrong and my mother never takes responsibly for her side too. am I being totally unfair or what should I do ?

JustAThought

Your mother is a headwreck. Many are. Jealousy. Petty micromanagement. Inability to leave things slone.

Ignore her misery, be confident in your life, your choices, your happiness and your partner.

Its not all about her.
Enjoy your happiness.

marvin80

You're obviously trying your best and helping out as much as possible so you need to ignore what your mother says, no matter how harsh it is, just ignore it and brush it off.

No point getting upset when you're doing absolutely nothing wrong.

wiggle16

I'm sorry to hear that OP. It sounds like your mother has issues with control - that's why she guilts you all the time, to keep you under thumb, and she's probably been doing it for so long that you don't know any different.

She sounds quite toxic and good for no one. And she's unlikely to change.

I would in the first instance approach her and in no uncertain terms tell her that your relationship is none of her business and you don't want to hear her thoughts on it any further, no ifs or buts. Stick to it.
Tell her that you do as much as you can do for your sister and you will do no more. She cannot use your sister as a stick to beat you with - she's your sister, not your daughter. And stick to that too.

Tell her you are not listening to this anymore and it needs to stop.

If she doesn't stop, then you might have to think about limiting your contact with her. People like her seldom change - but this is usually driven by a preoccupation with control. Its possible that if she sees that control slipping she may back down. Then again she may not.

But you need to realise that you are not obligated to put up with her poor treatment just because she is your parent and that this is driven by a desire for control. Then you are armed enough to deal with her.