Can someone genuinely be bad at texting?

LegacyUser

I'm female, 28.

Long story short, I met a guy in town about 2 weeks ago. We got on brilliant and exchanged numbers. He was so bad at texting that week. He'd message me asking how I was, I'd respond, 2/3 texts back/forth and then he'd disappear for a few days until I initiate the texting again. I told him this was a bit weird, and he said he was terrible at texting.

Fast forward a week and we went on a date. We had lunch together, went clubbing, he introduced me to his best mate, and then the two of us ended up getting dinner.

He travels to London quite a bit with work and he went over last Sunday, we exchanged 2/3 texts about the previous night been great fun while he was on his way to the airport, and then he boarded his flight and I haven't heard anything since (tomorrow is Thursday).

Note: I've seen him online on Whatsapp loads, so it seems as though he is texting, just not texting me

Is this a bad sign or?

Jasper_

As a self confessed terrible texter (male also), I would pay less attention to the frequency of the texts, more so to who initiates them.

If it's always you then yes its probably a bad sign.

wiggle16

I would tend to agree with the above in a general sense. I am genuinely bad at texting/messaging/whathaveyou. I have good intentions but am bad at getting back to people.

But what you're describing isn't the same as being a bad texter. When you first meet someone you like there tends to be a lot of texting - for some people it's constant, with others there might be a couple of messages an hour, others a few over the course of a day. Depends on the person.

Leaving it for a couple of days at a time means he's just not that interested. If he was interested in you, he would be interacting with you.

Sorry OP. I wouldn't waste my time with this guy.

dobman88

Would also consider myself terrible at the whole texting thing. Male also. I dont know what it is, I've just always hated it and felt like things didnt come across as I meant them or something. Although tbf, when I had just met my OH 3 years ago, we would both initiate it, usually whoever was home from work first would pop off a message and we would chat sporadically over the evening. If hes not.initiating it at all, that's probably not the best sign.

leggo

With anything like this consider that when you first meet someone you really like you don't want to mess it up. If someone isn't that fussed about texting you and doesn't seem worried about messing it up, they probably aren't majorly into you yet.

That said, it can be healthy to be distant enough early on before it becomes something substantial. Getting swept up in a whirlwind and talking all the time can often be a recipe for disaster. I'm sure plenty of great relationships have evolved from one or both parties not taking it overly serious at first. When I'm texting someone these days, I'll always keep a certain amount of distance early on to keep my own perspective and see how it settles naturally (though I'd also be a texter and try keep some kind of daily contact going to let them know I'm interested so I wouldn't disappear for days).

So what I'd suggest is chill and get on with things. Get on with your life and go on other dates even if you like. If he's interested, he'll make sure you know it. If not, not getting hung up on things early and carrying on with life will make you not even notice.

ILoveYourVibes

Now this is just me its not for everyone.

I personally think a lot of women don't see the long term view. We over react to little things like texts etc and don't see the broader picture.

Does texting matter? I mean if he texted you but never met up with you etc what would you think?

For me texting is not a big deal.

But that is me. Its not you.

Honeydew3456

leggo wrote: »

When I'm texting someone these days, I'll always keep a certain amount of distance early on to keep my own perspective and see how it settles naturally (though I'd also be a texter and try keep some kind of daily contact going to let them know I'm interested so I wouldn't disappear for days).

To me this is the perfect balance.
To leave a girl on "read" / be online and not reply for days is simply not good enough, shows no effort being made at all and is rude. No one expects novels in their texts just friendly banter now and then that is not one sided.

I have called guys out on this before because it is sooo off putting, I can't take it for long and have simply said your texting is strange, not my communication style, lets draw a line under this and please delete my number. It may be rash but I have little patience for games. But that's just me, not advising anyone to do it lol

woodchuck

Mod note:

Off topic posts deleted. Posters are reminded only to post if they have advice to offer the OP.

zapper55

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Now this is just me its not for everyone.

I personally think a lot of women don't see the long term view. We over react to little things like texts etc and don't see the broader picture.

Does texting matter? I mean if he texted you but never met up with you etc what would you think?

For me texting is not a big deal.

But that is me. Its not you.

Lots of ridiculous generalisations about women there.

Op I've gone out with guys that were terrible texters but they upped their game because they realised it was important to me. Even he is into you and just oblivious, it will wreck your head after a while. Take another free weeks and judge it then.

Xterminator

Hi Op

have you actually let him know that texting is important to you ?

i re-read your original post just to check. I mean if you let him know that you get insecure when he lets a couple of days go by, without initiating contact, and he keeps up the same pattern, then sure, i agree with the other posters that he may not be that into you.

But in my experience there are plenty of people who don't communicate will over the text medium, and that it is not always indicative of their feelings for you.

so let him know its important to you, and how he reacts to that will be a good barometer of how he regards you.

bottlebrush

op you only met two weeks ago.
you are into him.
he knows you are into him.
you don't know if he is into you - and that's the real question, not if he is a bad texter.

how to find out? don't initiate any more texts and see if he makes contact. if he doesn't then you have your answer.