Cosmetic surgery

kikilarue2

Here goes -

I haven't been in a relationship in 10+ years. I had two relationships in college, but post-college I've had nothing serious. In the years immediately after college I developed a dependency on alcohol, and put on a lot of weight. My self-esteem was shattered by both of those things and for a long time I thought all I had to offer any man was sex - and as such I ended up having a lot of ONS or FWB situations.

Fast forward to the age of 25, I got sober. Over the last 5 years I have combined 12 step programmes with psychotherapy to dramatically improve my mental health.

I'm now 31 and feel very ready to meet someone. I've worked through a lot of my issues, but I'm very self-conscious about my weight and particularly my belly. These days, I think I have a lot to offer a guy, but since I don't drink I'm rarely in bars, so I mostly meet guys through apps which are by definition very based on looks.

I've looked into liposuction, and the cost is about 20% of what is currently in my savings account, so it's not unaffordable for me. I'm also not overly concerned about the health risks - I've looked into them in detail and talked to friends who are doctors and I'm comfortable with them.

I suppose what I'm wondering is - can you gain confidence from changing something external about yourself, or can it only be an inside job? I feel like I've done so much work on myself on the inside, but guys only see the packaging.

I think my confidence in my looks would improve a lot, but I'd like to hear your thoughts on that.

Please don't come back with replies about diet and exercise, that's not the advice I'm looking for.

LegacyUser

You've clearly made your decision already.
Do what's right for you; it mightn't get you back to 100% confidence but even 50% more might make all the difference to you

Batgurl

The best reward is one you’ve earned.

You might get a short term kick out of surgery but how do you plan to sustain it long term? Have you addressed the reasons you got so out of shape in the first place? Alcohol only goes so far and you’ve been clean for 6 years so you’d have lost the weight by now.

I know you don’t want to hear about diet and exercise but there is zero point in getting surgery if you aren’t willing to look at these as long term solutions.

kikilarue2

Batgurl wrote: »

The best reward is one you’ve earned.

You might get a short term kick out of surgery but how do you plan to sustain it long term? Have you addressed the reasons you got so out of shape in the first place? Alcohol only goes so far and you’ve been clean for 6 years so you’d have lost the weight by now.

I know you don’t want to hear about diet and exercise but there is zero point in getting surgery if you aren’t willing to look at these as long term solutions.

Thank you for completely ignoring my one request in terms of replies.

I’m not a mod so I can’t make you do anything, but I would much prefer if this thread stayed on topic, and I would respectfully ask that you please not post in this thread again.

bitofabind

i've a close relative that works in the field and she tells me that the first thing she'll advise any prospective client is to go down the diet/exercise route so that's what you can expect to hear at a consultation. if it's a particularly stubborn area that those things can't impact, you'll be a good candidate.

anyway, i've had a few facial tweaks and they've definitely boosted my confidence. at the same time though, it's the inner self-worth and the healthy self-esteem that will land you in the right long-term relationship far more than what you look like and the little boost that gives you. i can tell you that from personal experience. i get a lot of male attention but i also end up in some disastrous situations where men disappear quickly because i don't have that deeper stuff fully down.

so don't expect life to dramatically change with it either.

woodchuck

Mod note:

@kikilarue2, posters are allowed to post whatever advice they wish, provided they do so in a civil manner. You are also free to ignore any advice you wish.

If you have a problem with a post, report it.

kikilarue2

bitofabind wrote: »

i've a close relative that works in the field and she tells me that the first thing she'll advise any prospective client is to go down the diet/exercise route so that's what you can expect to hear at a consultation. if it's a particularly stubborn area that those things can't impact, you'll be a good candidate.

anyway, i've had a few facial tweaks and they've definitely boosted my confidence. at the same time though, it's the inner self-worth and the healthy self-esteem that will land you in the right long-term relationship far more than what you look like and the little boost that gives you. i can tell you that from personal experience. i get a lot of male attention but i also end up in some disastrous situations where men disappear quickly because i don't have that deeper stuff fully down.

so don't expect life to dramatically change with it either.

I’ve already been for one consultation and I’m a suitable candidate but I didn’t like that surgeon so I’m not going with him.

My arms and legs are (reasonably) slim and I have a big huge belly that is totally out of proportion, which is why I want to do down this route. In the past when I’ve dieted and exercised the weight has come off my ass, legs and back more quickly than my stomach which is why I want to target this area specifically.

Well - I honestly think the confidence and self-esteem stuff will be a lifelong journey - I haven’t got it nailed but I’m a helluva lot better than I’ve been in the past.

Caranica

Truthfully Batgurl nailed it, whether you want to hear it or not.

But I can tell you from personal experience that the effects of a quick fix are very short lived. You get a confidence boost but in a very short time you'll find other problems with yourself, or worse still someone else will and point them out to you. It's a slippery slope.

kikilarue2

Mod - can you close the thread.

I have perfectly valid reasons why I set the parameters of the discussion as I did, but if people are not willing to stay on topic I would rather not have this conversation here.

woodchuck

Mod note:

Thread locked as per OPs request. If you change your mind and want it reopened OP, just let me know.