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My anxiety affecting relationship [title edited by mod]

  • 30-07-2019 7:30pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 19 ✭✭✭ ktdun97


    I have suffered with anxiety for the past couple of years and its only recently where its beginning to effect my relationship (with my boyfriend and friends)

    any advice please??


Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 613 Redser87


    Sorry to hear that anxiety is getting to you OP. In what way is it affecting your relationships - do you avoid meeting people? If you find that specific issues keep cropping up, CBT may help.


  • Registered Users Posts: 13 Lovely_Girl79


    ktdun97 wrote: »
    I have suffered with anxiety for the past couple of years and its only recently where its beginning to effect my relationship (with my boyfriend and friends)

    any advice please??

    Sorry for hijacking your post! The only advise I can give is to seek help from a professional who will hopefully be able to give you the help you need. Please don’t push away the people that care about you.


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 47,071 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Black Swan


    MOD: This OP is not a Philosophy discussion. It is being moved to Relationship Issues shortly.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,334 Mod ✭✭✭✭ woodchuck


    Mod note:

    I've separated this in two, so that each poster can have their own thread.

    All posters please note that the Personal Issues Charter now applies:
    https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/show...p?t=2057233816

    OP it would really help if you could clarify how exactly this issue is affecting your relationship? That way posters can give you much more useful advice.


  • Registered Users Posts: 19 ✭✭✭ ktdun97


    Sorry for hijacking your post! The only advise I can give is to seek help from a professional who will hopefully be able to give you the help you need. Please don’t push away the people that care about you.



    I dont like the thoughts of speaking to a counsellor as i wouldnt feel comfortable. Yes i know that they are professionals and its their job to make it easy and all but i just cant. ive cancelled so many appointments!


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,170 ✭✭✭ Ursus Horribilis


    Can you not even go once, even if you think you'll just sit on a sofa and say nothing? Do you not want to get better? You are being incredibly selfish here.


  • Registered Users Posts: 19 ✭✭✭ ktdun97


    Can you not even go once, even if you think you'll just sit on a sofa and say nothing? Do you not want to get better? You are being incredibly selfish here.



    I have went once and lasted about 15 minutes.
    Im sorry but can you explain to me how i am being selfish?????


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,170 ✭✭✭ Ursus Horribilis


    Because you are refusing to engage properly with help. And you're expecting for boyfriend to stay in a relationship with someone who won't get help.


  • Registered Users Posts: 19 ✭✭✭ ktdun97


    Because your are refusing to engage properly with help. And you're expecting for boyfriend to stay in a relationship with someone who won't get help.


    I never once said that i expected him to stay. Your not very helpful to me so i would appreciate if you didnt reply anymore.

    Thanks


  • Registered Users Posts: 34 ✭✭✭ whodini


    ktdun97 wrote: »
    I dont like the thoughts of speaking to a counsellor as i wouldnt feel comfortable. Yes i know that they are professionals and its their job to make it easy and all but i just cant. ive cancelled so many appointments!


    I can tell you that CBT was very helpful to me in dealing with anxiety and panic. I’m not sure how I’d do with face to face counselling (and it wasn’t really an option for various reasons) but I did an online course which really suited me.
    Certain circumstances which were causing me stress and anxiety have improved also so that helped too. If you can identify and try to reduce or improve the stressors in your life, that might improve things?
    I do sympathise. The physical manifestations of anxiety can be scary. I hope things improve for you.


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  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 2,295 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Mystery Egg


    ktdun97 wrote: »
    I dont like the thoughts of speaking to a counsellor as i wouldnt feel comfortable. Yes i know that they are professionals and its their job to make it easy and all but i just cant. ive cancelled so many appointments!

    If you refuse to get help, nothing will change. You sound intransigent tbh.

    If you are determined to overcome this alone, then start getting books on coping with anxiety and implementing the advice in them. Or as suggested above, do an online course.

    Are you working to beat this? Challenging your negative thoughts? Eating and exercising right?


  • Registered Users Posts: 19 ✭✭✭ ktdun97


    whodini wrote: »
    I can tell you that CBT was very helpful to me in dealing with anxiety and panic. I’m not sure how I’d do with face to face counselling (and it wasn’t really an option for various reasons) but I did an online course which really suited me.
    Certain circumstances which were causing me stress and anxiety have improved also so that helped too. If you can identify and try to reduce or improve the stressors in your life, that might improve things?
    I do sympathise. The physical manifestations of anxiety can be scary. I hope things improve for you.


    Can you give me some more information on online therapy please? Maybe that would be better for me!
    Thank you


  • Registered Users Posts: 19 ✭✭✭ ktdun97


    If you refuse to get help, nothing will change. You sound intransigent tbh.

    If you are determined to overcome this alone, then start getting books on coping with anxiety and implementing the advice in them. Or as suggested above, do an online course.

    Are you working to beat this? Challenging your negative thoughts? Eating and exercising right?


    I have read many books to try and deal and overcome it, they have helped a small bit i suppose!


  • Registered Users Posts: 34 ✭✭✭ whodini


    ktdun97 wrote: »
    Can you give me some more information on online therapy please? Maybe that would be better for me!
    Thank you

    Hi,
    I actually saw a post on boards looking for participants for a study in UL. It was excellent. I’m not sure if they’re still doing the research but you could try contacting them.
    https://touch.boards.ie/thread/2057851490/1/#post106425299
    Good luck.


  • Registered Users Posts: 19 ✭✭✭ ktdun97


    whodini wrote: »
    Hi,
    I actually saw a post on boards looking for participants for a study in UL. It was excellent. I’m not sure if they’re still doing the research but you could try contacting them.
    https://touch.boards.ie/thread/2057851490/1/#post106425299
    Good luck.

    Thank you!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 563 ✭✭✭ Yellow pack crisps


    I hope you get better, I hope you get help. Ignoring UH advise is wrong though, she is an excellent contributor here. Her advise is first class.


  • Registered Users Posts: 19 ✭✭✭ ktdun97


    I hope you get better, I hope you get help. Ignoring UH advise is wrong though, she is an excellent contributor here. Her advise is first class.


    Thank you! I didnt mean to come across as being rude or ungrateful towards her. Every one has their own opinion, i just didnt appreciate her calling me selfish!


  • Registered Users Posts: 563 ✭✭✭ Yellow pack crisps


    ktdun97 wrote: »
    Thank you! I didnt mean to come across as being rude or ungrateful towards her. Every one has their own opinion, i just didnt appreciate her calling me selfish!

    Nobody likes being called selfish. But in truth we are all selfish sometimes and we rarely recognise this about ourselves. It is human. It’s good to have it pointed out to us.


  • Registered Users Posts: 563 ✭✭✭ Yellow pack crisps


    About your actual problem. Anxiety breathes anxiety. Seems like a foolish statement. But only you create your anxiety and only you can manage it. If you concentrated your gaze on seeing the top of a pin for example then your anxiety naturally disappears. This is because you’re not feeding it, starving it, manages it. When you magnify something it becomes bigger, right? Your hand and eye control the glass. A spot on your face becomes a million times worse if you magnify it instead of the insignificance of it at a normal distance. Accepting your anxiety is not the same as being defeated by it. It only defines you if you let it, you’re ultimately in control of it even if you think it’s uncontrollable. I would always recommend therapy but seeing as you won’t indulge in it then I suggest you write your own manifesto on how you are going to manage it. One way I’ve always managed mine was to be active when I feel it coming on. Anything from a run to folding clothes. To writing short stories, anything really that does not feed it. Once you have coping skills it really wares itself down to nothing.


  • Registered Users Posts: 14,619 ✭✭✭✭ ILoveYourVibes


    It really depends on what your symptoms are.

    ODC ?? Pure O ? As in you imagine terrible things happening to loved ones and don't stop 'warning' them putting restrictions on their lives?

    Social anxiety? Not feeling comfortable is social situations and generally being hermit like neglecting relationships friends etc?

    General anxiety? Not wanting to be alone? Panic attacks etc?

    OCD don't give into rituals. Listen to your friends partner when they say enough is enough. When ask you to stop warning them the first time. STOP.

    Social anxiety ..don't neglect people. Don't let your anxiety stop you form preforming friend duties etc like weddings funerals etc.

    General anxiety get used to being alone. Don't let your panic attacks overtake a situation.

    Your anxiety should not be the center of attention. That is the best advice i can give.

    My friends and family don't need to be aware of my anxiety. Its actually better for me too. It means i am not reminded with it all the time.

    very few people would realize i have it. I don't burden people with it.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,589 ✭✭✭ Paddy Cow


    ktdun97 wrote: »
    I dont like the thoughts of speaking to a counsellor as i wouldnt feel comfortable. Yes i know that they are professionals and its their job to make it easy and all but i just cant. ive cancelled so many appointments!
    I'm going to be blunt here. I don't know how your anxiety manifests but I was close with someone who recognised they had anxiety issues but they refused to see a counsellor and in the end I had to cut them out because their behaviour was giving me anxiety and affecting my overall mental health.

    Anxiety is a spectrum. Some people internalise and can't handle social situations so they try to control their partners and limit social engagements. In others it manifests as anger and lashing out at any perceived slight, which is in affect, abuse.

    You don't say what type of anxiety you suffer from but at least you accept that you have a problem. The second step is figuring out what triggers your anxiety. This is absolutely paramount for you to have any sort of recovery. The third step is that you have to admit to yourself that you have a mental health problem and will need professional help to over come it, otherwise you can probably say goodbye to your boyfriend and friends.

    I want you to imagine this scenario - you have a friend who fell and broke their leg. You can tell they are suffering so you offer to drive them to the hospital. They refuse saying they don't trust professionals and it will heal on it's own. In the meantime they expect you to be considerate of their circumstances and make allowances, even though you can see how insane the situation is. You are a friend, not a medical practitioner and you can't make their leg better. Because they won't get treatment for their leg, it gets worse and worse and they are relying on you more and more. Eventually you can't handle it anymore and walk away. Your friend says that you are a terrible person for deserting them and should be more understanding and make allowances, knowing how much they are suffering. You see this as them being selfish and emotionally manipulative.

    Who is in the right in that scenario? How long do you support someone who won't support themselves? Mental illness is just as real as physical illness and there is no self help book you can buy that will cure you on your own. I'm not being callous here. Long term posters can attest that I've spoken about my own struggles in the past, with counsellors etc.

    If your anxiety is affecting your relationships then you need professional help. There is no shame in this. The biggest shame would be if you dig your heels in because you are too "strong" to talk to someone and you lose your boyfriend and friends. Please don't be like my friend. She refused help and it cost her her marriage and her friends. I feel sorry for her because she just can't work out why everyone left her. In her mind she is the victim of choosing the wrong people but the reality is that she is the victim of her own choices.


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