life advice please

Barrythe chopper

Im 36 a man and single and i need to rant a bit i feel my life is in bits and i would like to get some advice or peoples views to sort things out please.
Ive suffered from Anxiety and Depression for years now it comes in waves of intensity i have been to the doctors off an on for it and i am seeing a shrink but i think that's coming to an end.

I have traveled and worked abroad for years in various countries a huge thing for me and it really felt like life was turning but two years ago nearly 3 now i came back to Ireland. Ive been unemployed and living with my parents since and i don't like it at all but its become my norm, I am hounded by Turas Nua as well I understand what they are doing and I have benefited in some from them but my anxiety depression gets in the way when i try to apply for work i get so anxious and sad and sad that i am so anxious.

I think and feel i am useless and not good enough for anything or that i wont be able to do anything so i make myself feel worse that i try to avoid job searching which all feeds everything, thing is when i am left to myself the anxiety depression gets lesser but it never goes away but anytime I've felt and built up the courage to go change things twice now the Turas Nua group have smashed my confidence one time i was in tears in their office because how horrible the PA was.
I am to start a Tus scheme in a few weeks and i have been slowly getting myself in the mind space to deal with this change I have been seeing it as a stepping stone to get back to a proper job but again the Turas Nua guys called me and said basically its crap and i should apply for a job they have in a food prep factory I've done that before and hated it and they have been told that.I feel guilty for not having a proper job and being and feeling like i do i don't want to sometimes i really feel like why bother trying or living in life if its always going to be ****.
I am sorry if this comes off as whiney entitled etc as ive said i just needed to rant a bit and thanks to anyone who reads this

Upforthematch

Hi Barry,

Sorry to hear things haven't been going your way since coming back to Ireland.

It sounds like there is so much spinning around at the moment. Can you look into getting your sessions with the counsellor extended or talk to another counsellor? Whether it's the tus job or a different job you decide on you will be out of your comfort zone. That's a good thing but it's at these crossroads it's good to have someone to chat to.

Have you considered looking into a vtos programme where you could study and get paid an allowance at the same time? It might be another option for you.

Be good to yourself Barry it sounds like you're about to turn a corner, Best of luck!

Barrythe chopper

Thanks for talking and no i have never heard of a Vtos course ill have a look about it

jethrothe2nd

I've seen a close family member go through a strikingly similar situation. It's taken him a lot of time, and a lot of things didn't work out for him, but he seems to have found his niche and things are looking great for him.

I'm not really qualified to offer any advice but I just wanted to wish you well on your journey. Keep at it, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Rubberchikken

would you be willing to apply for a college place with back to education allowance or the vtos scheme?

it would get you away from turas nua which imo is more concerned with placing people just anywhere so that they can claim the success/money.

if you dont want to go the college route then try to get the Tus placement.
ive experienced Tus and found them professional and beneficial and the position i got through them helped enormously.

dont let these people in turas nua upset or bother you. its not worth it. take care and good luck

antix80

Hi Op
Why did you come home? Do you feel your life was better abroad, or did you come home because you were depressed? Is it possible coming home is what got you stuck in the rut?

I think you need to stop demonising Turas Nua. They did not smash your confidence because from the sounds of it, you lacked confidence to begin with. That's why you reacted in the way you did to an off-hand remark from a stranger. 36 year old men do not break down in tears because someone said "boo" to them - that was just a catalyst. The depression already existed. It's not something you should over-think, just something to work on.

You say the depression subsides when you're on your own. Maybe that's why you did better abroad. Under the watchful eye of your parents and turas nua, your inner voice is fairly negative. It is actually good to spend a lot of time on your own and in your own company without external noise. At the same time, being a recluse will not do anything for your mental health if it means avoiding social situations because they make you anxious.. this is a positive feedback loop, which will just make you even more anxious and more reclusive.

Now you have a notion that a Tus scheme will help you regain confidence that a low paid job will not. I hope it will. It's better than being miserable at home and will give you some breathing room if you're still attending a shrink, and maybe time to engage some hobbies or research further education. But doing a Tus scheme on it's own sounds a lot like a low-paid job so don't expect to get too much out of it, apart from maybe it being a stepping stone to getting back into a routine.

I think I've recommended Jordan Peterson before on this site and don't want to sound like I'm earning commission. But did you hear his spiel about lobsters?

He describes how lobsters who take a beating lose confidence and become depressed, and goes on to say the same thing happens to humans who take a beating and become depressed and drop out of the dominance hierarchy, essentially giving up on persuing things that give life meaning.
He's a lot more intelligent than I am and explains it better!But check it out - Jordan Peterson 12 rules for life.

Barrythe chopper

jethrothe2nd wrote: »

I've seen a close family member go through a strikingly similar situation. It's taken him a lot of time, and a lot of things didn't work out for him, but he seems to have found his niche and things are looking great for him.

I'm not really qualified to offer any advice but I just wanted to wish you well on your journey. Keep at it, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Im glad your family member is ok now its a horible lonely place to be but thanks for chatting

Barrythe chopper

Rubberchikken wrote: »

would you be willing to apply for a college place with back to education allowance or the vtos scheme?

it would get you away from turas nua which imo is more concerned with placing people just anywhere so that they can claim the success/money.

if you dont want to go the college route then try to get the Tus placement.
ive experienced Tus and found them professional and beneficial and the position i got through them helped enormously.

dont let these people in turas nua upset or bother you. its not worth it. take care and good luck

Ive never really thought about anything like that i don't think id be any good at it can i ask what you did when you were with Tus?

Barrythe chopper

antix80 wrote: »

Hi Op
Why did you come home? Do you feel your life was better abroad, or did you come home because you were depressed? Is it possible coming home is what got you stuck in the rut?

I think you need to stop demonising Turas Nua. They did not smash your confidence because from the sounds of it, you lacked confidence to begin with. That's why you reacted in the way you did to an off-hand remark from a stranger. 36 year old men do not break down in tears because someone said "boo" to them - that was just a catalyst. The depression already existed. It's not something you should over-think, just something to work on.

You say the depression subsides when you're on your own. Maybe that's why you did better abroad. Under the watchful eye of your parents and turas nua, your inner voice is fairly negative. It is actually good to spend a lot of time on your own and in your own company without external noise. At the same time, being a recluse will not do anything for your mental health if it means avoiding social situations because they make you anxious.. this is a positive feedback loop, which will just make you even more anxious and more reclusive.

Now you have a notion that a Tus scheme will help you regain confidence that a low paid job will not. I hope it will. It's better than being miserable at home and will give you some breathing room if you're still attending a shrink, and maybe time to engage some hobbies or research further education. But doing a Tus scheme on it's own sounds a lot like a low-paid job so don't expect to get too much out of it, apart from maybe it being a stepping stone to getting back into a routine.

I think I've recommended Jordan Peterson before on this site and don't want to sound like I'm earning commission. But did you hear his spiel about lobsters?

He describes how lobsters who take a beating lose confidence and become depressed, and goes on to say the same thing happens to humans who take a beating and become depressed and drop out of the dominance hierarchy, essentially giving up on persuing things that give life meaning.
He's a lot more intelligent than I am and explains it better!But check it out - Jordan Peterson 12 rules for life.

I came home because my time was up and i was thinking Ireland is home and seems to be on the up i was thinking if i made it abroad i can surely make it at home. And yeah i always carry depression and anxiety with me but usually i have it in almost in control, sometimes i doubt myself am i really depressed and anxious I am not as bad as other folk can be, i feel really weak and unmanly tbh for losing my **** that day. Ive seen and heard about Peterson from the Joe Rogan podcast he seems pretty cool ive also heard him say the lobsters who are given anti depressants become Alphas again lol

Electric Nitwit

I'm in no position to give advice, I think some of the stuff written above is really good. I just wanted to say this...

Barrythe chopper wrote: »

I think and feel i am useless and not good enough for anything...

...is absolute bullsh-t mate. I know you feel it now but one day you'll look back at how far you've come from this point and realise how wrong you are to think this. You've done great before, you'll do great again. No doubt it'll be hard work but it'll come for sure. Good luck mate.

Dial Hard

Barrythe chopper wrote:

Ive seen and heard about Peterson from the Joe Rogan podcast he seems pretty cool ive also heard him say the lobsters who are given anti depressants become Alphas again lol

That's red pill/MRA nonsense, which Peterson is well known for peddling. There's a reason he's been removed from various media platforms and I genuinely think it would be a really, really terrible idea for someone as vulnerable as you to turn to his brand of rhetoric and I think it's downright irresponsible of other posters to recommend him to someone in your position.

You clearly need tools to help you cope with your mental health. But make sure you choose the right ones.

antix80

Dial Hard wrote: »

That's red pill/MRA nonsense, which Peterson is well known for peddling.

Let me get this straight. You’re saying that we should organize our societies along
the lines of the lobsters? (Cathy Newman, 2018)

Op, ignore that hysterical reaction to Jordan Peterson.

Jordan Peterson is a clinical psychologist and his books help tens of thousands of men like you. They're interesting, accessible, and best of all practical.

His discussion about lobsters is best summarised as:

Rule 1: Stand up straight with your shoulders back.
There is a part of your brain that is constantly monitoring signals to figure out your position in society. How you see others, and how others treat you, affect how you view yourself. If others kowtow to you, you elevate your own impression of status. If others denigrate you, you lower your internal status.
If you slouch, you convey defeat and low status to others; they will then treat you poorly, which will reinforce your status. (This can be reinforced in serotonin signaling, related to depression)
Fix your posture to get others to treat you better, which will make you feel better and stand tall, thus kicking off a virtuous cycle.

That summary is from https://www.shortform.com/summary/12-rules-for-life-summary-jordan-peterson but I'd encourage you to buy the actual book/audible.

As you can see, nothing to do with Redpilling or being an MRA. He gained that rep through leftist mudslinging when he refused to use made-up personal pronouns.