Broken up, or not?

LegacyUser

My boyfriend, or maybe ex, were together for two years. In this time we had an extremely close relationship. We were absolute best friends, and were almost always together. I am actually getting emotional typing this because I love him so much. He also always tell me that he loves me so much and that he wants a future with me. To be honest he is my first long term relationship, but I honestly cannot imagine myself with anyone else.

We broke up once before a few months ago, he broke up with me. We were “broken up” for about a month. The main reason for this I think is that we were arguing a lot of the time, due to stress and broke up after a particularly bad argument. Looking back I think it was overreaction on both our parts. Even though we were broken up, we were still talking all the time and meeting up regularly. He wanted us to get back together but I was unsure of saying yes even though I still wanted to be with him. Eventually I decided to go back to him.

We broke up again roughly two weeks ago. I found that he has been very busy lately with work, and was taking his stress out on me. I also found in the last couple of weeks that he had been making time for friends and not for me. He also seemed to be taking me for granted and just being very annoying because he would show up late sometimes because he was with friends and didn’t care if he was putting me out. He would sometimes go 1-2 days without contact. This was making me very unhappy. I said it to him one week before we broke up. He said he would make more of an effort. Despite this a week later when he was meant to come to my house he cancelled last minute because he felt sick (apparently). I broke up with him after this.

I do admit that I have been inclined lately to get jealous lately when he made his own plans, and would be off with him. He picked up on this and obviously that was putting him off me. I realise this is an unhealthy behaviour on my part and needs to change. However he admitted himself that he neglected the relationship lately. He put this down to all the time he spends at work, and feeling down because he doesn’t like his job because he gets little time for himself.. I know he suffers from depression, and sometimes could be moody. At time same time I know he is a good person.

Since we broke up, again we have been speaking a lot on the phone, we met the other day and plan to meet again during the weekend. He says that he is sorry for neglecting our relationship, and wants to be better. He told me that he has seen a doctor about feeling depressed and was put on antidepressants. He said that he will do anything for us to stay together.

I told him that I am not sure if it’s a good idea for us to us to get back together again, because we “broke up” once before and is the same thing just going to happen again. He said he is willing to work on himself and he just wants us to try. I admitted that I was being kind of controlling and that would have to change too. He also said that he is looking for a new job, and doesn’t want to work those hours anymore. I do want to be with him, but I don’t want to tell him yes straight away because I feel we will just fall back into bad habits.

Am I crazy for wanting to give this another go? He says that he is sorry for how he behaved during the last few weeks and won’t do it anymore. Am I crazy to believe him? Do you think that if the people in the relationship try that we can sort things out?

Dtp1979

I’m assuming you both are around 19/20. It Seems like pretty juvenile behaviour. If you both want it to work, then go to couples counselling.

Mr. Incognito

1 to 2 days is normal.

You seem to think if you are not together all the time then something is wrong.

If you are together all the time then something is wrong.

Maybe you should hang out with your own friends and let him hang out with his.

The relationship sounds clingy and toxic. You need to give him space and take space to develop as a person

NewRed2

Tend to agree with both posts above (aside from the word 'toxic', I'd sub that for intense). I'd say DTP has your age bracket about right. It's a time of your life when a serious relationship can be all consuming. All the feelings are deep but there's a lack of experience so it's difficult for you both to know when to take a step back, it all just seems to run like a river.
Then you're both inexerienced in all this stuff (hard enough for the experienced ones!) so ya can get a bit desperate, like say becoming a bit controlling or joining a forum anonymously for help or maybe mentioning the use of antidepressants as a means of buying time while you both find your way.
The most important thing you could possibly take on board is that all this stuff is natural, it's not like yee two are inventing new ground, even though it may feel like it. It's stuff we all go through. It's part of life. The entire reason I'm replying to your post is because it reminded me so much of what I went through. Just try to think what will be will be, and be kind to each other because it's as much a learning curve for him as it is for you. And even if yee make it work, keep some friends that are just for you and just for him, not an entirely co-dependent world.
And if/when it ends, you both learn tonnes from it all and ideally still have a friend.

Good luck to you both