"You should join some club or society"

LegacyUser

I see this advice so often for people wanting someone to shack up with. Years ago I took this advice myself when I was single. Years ago I was quite a different person quite shy and spent loads of time locked in my own little world but that would eventually change.

I ended up joining loads of things some good some not so good and eventually latched onto some things I liked. Bout 5 years ago I joined some walking group that was quite good craic except they only did day trips and it got tiring driving a few 100km every weekend and then the person running it decided to go commercial and the whole thing fell apart which turned out to be a mighty blessing altogether in disguise because I created my own group.

This went along quite well for about a year and a half and I met someone at one of the events I organised and I ended up spending a lot of time with her and things got serious so my weekends would be spent hanging out with her instead of what I used to be doing before. When I wanted to go on a walk or some weekend trip there was always some excuse brought up not to go and she was never mad keen on going with a group. But I was in love and didn't take too much notice. She was never outgoing and only wanted to go to restaurants

We ended up living together eventually but it was never that great. I always felt trapped and she seemed jealous and controlling. The dream appeared to have become the nightmare in many ways. Over the years I have seen many people going along to walks who did the disappearing act as soon as they met a partner and were happy out but I eventually found it fierce hard to sacrifice the life I left behind for being in a relationship like the others. It felt as if I was being forced to turn into a recluse in many ways.

Now I just miss the adventure of organising some mad outing away and seeing who will show up, not knowing what kind of interesting folk I will get chatting with or what kind of mad sh!t will end up happening. Deciding last minute on a Saturday morning to scout out some forgotten path far up in the hills some place. I don't live with this girl anymore but we are still kind of together.

A few times in the past month or 2 I got a taste of what it was like before and I feel like I have no desire at all for being bogged down in long term relationships and that maybe I am too much of a free spirit for this settling down craic altogether. Although the last while the relationship hasn't been bad I feel like I am missing so much by staying in it. I went from having a fairly good social life to having feck all.

Is it completely mad to leave a relationship to go off gallivanting and having the craic?

woodchuck

Over the years I have seen many people going along to walks who did the disappearing act as soon as they met a partner and were happy out but I eventually found it fierce hard to sacrifice the life I left behind for being in a relationship like the others.

It's quite possible that they joined the groups purely to find a partner and when they achieved their goal, they felt no need to stay in the group. However this sounds like a proper hobby/passion for you and not just a way to meet someone. So why would you give it up?

I always felt trapped and she seemed jealous and controlling.

Why would you want to stay in relationship with someone who makes you feel that way? You seem to think that this is what all relationships are like and that you have to choose between a life in a relationship and a life of adventure. Most people don't turn into a recluse when they enter a in relationship. They might naturally have less time for their friends and hobbies just because part of that time is now being spent with a partner, but that doesn't mean you should give up your other interests altogether.

I'm sorry, but your relationship does not sound healthy or at the very least, you're not compatible with each other. You're obviously very unhappy, so I think it's best to part ways. If you want to remain single, that's grand, so long as you're happy! But if you do find you want to get into another relationship down the line, just make sure not to give up the other things you love in your life. Maybe you'll find someone who shares the same interests as you and you can enjoy them together.

kg703

I think you just want to leave this relationship and by the sounds of it, you should?

On your travels you might meet someone who you can gallivant and have the craic with because that’s what relationships should be, a happy partnership!

Maybe this one just wasn’t for you.

Emme

It's known that a lot of people join groups to find partners. A friend and I like going walking for the sake of it but we were talking to one woman who used to go with us before she got married. We asked her to come along and she said "I have no reason to go walking now, I have a husband!" We thought it was hilarious but that's the mentality some people have. Usually you can see it a mile away, we consciously avoid these people and politely move off once they start talking about "meeting somebody" in the group and asking who is single. Some walking groups are worse for it than others.

If you see no future in your relationship and have no common ground move on. You need to be with somebody who shares your interests.

kylith

Regarding your he advice to join a club; I see that usually as advice to do something you enjoy to increase your social circle and maybe meet someone with similar interests.

Regarding your personal situation, it doesn't sound to me like you and this woman have much in common. Wouldn't it be better to be happy alone than miserable with someone?

ILoveYourVibes

som1 wrote: »

Is it completely mad to leave a relationship to go off gallivanting and having the craic?

No you are not happy.