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Why can’t I get over this

  • 16-07-2019 1:03am
    #1
    MissD93
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 355 ✭✭


    Before I start I realize how selfish this is going to sound. I’m with my incredible partner two years he’s the best person I’ve ever met I’m incredibly in love and hope to spend my life with him, and from what he’s said I believe he feels the same way. However during a conversation we had about a year ago he mentioned he slept with a girl I had went to school with on a night out way before we met. The girl in question was always very snobby with me and my friends and a bit horrible and seemed to have an opinion of herself. And obviously we both had lifes before we met but I cannot seem to shake this one thing from my mind. It annoys me that this person I’ve no respect and has no respect for me has been with the person I respect most in the world, when I really let it annoy me I compare myself to her I wonder does he see in me what he seen in her or does he prefer her as a person.I’m aware it’s incredibly childish but I don’t want to mention it to him because I should have mentioned it a year ago however at the time I thought the annoyance would fade. I literally pride myself on being extremely reasonable yet I can’t seem to shake my insecurities


Comments

  • #2
    leggo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    You said it yourself, it’s an insecurity. Insecurities aren’t about other people, they’re about how secure you feel about yourself. Obviously what’s happened is that this girl left a mark with how she treated you, left you feeling like you weren’t enough, then the fact your partner has slept with them has compounded that feeling and is giving you anxiety. It’s not pleasant to know a partner has slept with anyone you know and must be worse if it’s someone you dislike, so I sympathise.

    But also...with this stuff, you have to relate it back to yourself to put it into perspective. Does every single person you ever slept with mean the world to you? Or do you have some where you’re like “well that happened...”? If not, can you at least understand that some people do? You’re the person he’s with, not her, that decision and commitment matters. And when you think about all you’ve been through, all he’s done for you and vice versa, while your feelings are also understandable think how offensive it would be for him if you were to question all of that as if he was REALLY still pining after this girl from his past.

    You need to get your head around that or you risk sabotaging and losing something good over nothing.


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