Dating for adults

LegacyUser

Hi all. Versions of this question have probably been asked before but here goes. I am in my mid-late 30's. Wouldn't have been with many guys over the years but I really want to meet someone and settle down. I'm not good looking so have zero confidence. Struggling to meet someone. I have tried a few apps over the years but there doesn't seem to be many active users in my area, and I am near a city. I tried grindr but that isn't really aimed at dating. What apps /websites do gay men use to meet serious people and not one night stands? Any advice for a zero confidence experience lacking hopeful guy appreciated.

Maz2016

Sometimes you need to think outside the box a little. Try outrun places. Join some lgbt groups or societies. Yes it’s hard, I find it hard too. Maybe a paid dating app might yield better results? Yes the numbers of profiles are smaller but if people are paying got it, they are serious too.

Rick_

I've found POF to be limited, OKCupid to be slightly better in terms of people looking a relationship over just sex and any of the phone app[s to be simply for a quickie, despite what they may advertise themselves as.

Also, people always have negative opinions of themselves so try to get out of the "I'm not good looking" headspace... every pot has a lid and the right guy for you is out there somewhere, just get yourself out there and let him know you exist and hopefully he's currently doing the same and the two of you connect.

Gael23

What do you think of Tinder? It seems you need to pay to unlock all features

Maz2016

Gael23 wrote: »

What do you think of Tinder? It seems you need to pay to unlock all features

I don’t really like tinder. I don’t like the idea that it’s connected to Facebook. I’ve seen profiles with friends in common etc. I just think it’s too public if that makes any sense

Gael23

Maz2016 wrote: »

I don’t really like tinder. I don’t like the idea that it’s connected to Facebook. I’ve seen profiles with friends in common etc. I just think it’s too public if that makes any sense

Yes I understand. I just find Grindr is all about sex rather than a meaningful relationship

Maz2016

Gael23 wrote: »

Yes I understand. I just find Grindr is all about sex rather than a meaningful relationship

I agree. It’s hard to find people. I for one can’t mean people in bars etc.

Qrt

Maz2016 wrote: »

I don’t really like tinder. I don’t like the idea that it’s connected to Facebook. I’ve seen profiles with friends in common etc. I just think it’s too public if that makes any sense

You could always make a different facebook account, just make sure your first name, DOB and gender are what they should be.

Maz2016

Maz2016 wrote: »

Sometimes you need to think outside the box a little. Try outrun places. Join some lgbt groups or societies. Yes it’s hard, I find it hard too.

I would recommend this but with a caveat. Expanding your social circle is generally a positive thing for anyone to do, and I've found LGBT groups on Meetup.com to be really helpful in meeting new people. However, bear in mind that these groups are social groups*, not dating groups, and the purpose is to make new friends. So if you go in with the sole aim of finding a boyfriend then you might end up disappointed. Obviously if you join a group and really hit it off with someone there then that's great, but don't go into it with that expectation; a better approach may be to make new friends and then get introduced to friends of friends, and so on and possibly meet someone that way.

*There are dating/Singles groups on Meetup but afaik the ones in Dublin are all aimed at straight people, not sure about elsewhere in the country.

Gael23

I followed a guy on Instagram who I originally came across on Tinder and he has followed me back. How do I proceed? Do I message him on Instagram?

Annasopra

Gael23 wrote: »

I followed a guy on Instagram who I originally came across on Tinder and he has followed me back. How do I proceed? Do I message him on Instagram?

Why not tinder?

Gael23

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Why not tinder?

We haven’t matched there yet.

Rick_

You don't need a Facebook profile to have Tinder, you can just sign up with your mobile number. I certainly didn't have it linked to my Facebook. It's also where I met my current partner.