Met a girl on tinder

Perez2017

We've met up a few times, seems a lovely girl but very keen. Text me today saying I was taking too long to reply to her messages. Text me a few minutes after apologising saying she shouldn't have text me that message. My gut tells me to run a mile. What do people think?

Danzy

Go out with her, fall in love, have sex, grow apart, move on.

After that 24 hours aim to fall in love again.

Taeholic

Trust your gut. You're already having doubts. What advice would you give to a friend in the same situation?

Perez2017

Taeholic wrote: »

Trust your gut. You're already having doubts. What advice would you give to a friend in the same situation?

I know, she's obviously insecure, I'm 37, I suppose I'd like to meet someone at this stage but I want it to be right too.

Irish_rat

Yeah thats never a good sign, could be a control freak or might not. Time will tell. From previous experience it's not healthy if this continues.

Danzy

Perez2017 wrote: »

I know, she's obviously insecure, I'm 37, I suppose I'd like to meet someone at this stage but I want it to be right too.

In all seriousness You are backing out too early then.

It is easy to back out but the long term cost is never easy.

Take it serious, give it a go, she wants someone serious,.

Hercule Poirot

It could just be that she likes you a lot and did something silly, realised it and apologised - not necessarily a reason to run a mile, if the behavior continues then obviously GTFO

I agree that it's not healthy if that continues. But is that the first time? We all deserve a second chance. It takes a lot to admit when we make a mistake and own that and apologise. Maybe give her the benefit of the doubt this time?

Taeholic

For me, you have to trust your gut. Yes it does sound like she's insecure, that could very well be the reason. Maybe not. But after meeting a few times it sounds like you are having doubts about her.

You want it to be right so don't settle for any less than what you want in a partner regardless of your age. It usually doesn't turn out well. And I'm the same age.


Maybe it's a one off and worth another try? Only you know how you feel

Perez2017

Deleted User wrote: »

I agree that it's not healthy if that continues. But is that the first time? We all deserve a second chance. It takes a lot to admit when we make a mistake and own that and apologise. Maybe give her the benefit of the doubt this time?

true, we all deserve a second chance. Already on about going on holidays together. I suppose I over think things.

Taeholic

Perez2017 wrote:

true, we all deserve a second chance. Already on about going on holidays together. I suppose I over think things.

She is talking about going on holiday together after a few dates? Wow she moves fast. That would be a red flag for me but each to their own. If I were you, I wouldn't book anything until I was 100% sure how I felt about her.

soiseztomabel

Red flag, if the roles were reversed and it was a guy acting like that people’s first instinct would be back away quickly.

If a person was insecure this would be the tip of the iceberg in my own opinion

Augme

I'd be out of there quicker than usian bolt. Two clear signs that she is in far too deep already and is very likely quite insecure. It will only end badly if you continue.

mojesius

Go with your gut always. If it was the right person, there would be none of this texting too much/not enough issue. Things just happen naturally for both parties.

Just to add as a general thought: Insecurity shouldn't be an immediate red flag. People have baggage, they're not perfect etc. and most are their own worst enemy. But many change, grow and try to like themselves more, all on their own accord.

With that said, I still suggest you follow your gut, unless you see real potential there.

ted1

I’d give her the benefit of doubt. If you like her a sheet in well , let it slide.

strandroad

But were you in fact taking too long to respond to her messages or not?

If the girl was on boards asking "I really like this lad from Tinder but he takes a day at least to get back to me, is he serious about me" the advice would probably be to ask him in case he has a good reason but drop him if not.

Perez2017

strandroad wrote: »

But were you in fact taking too long to respond to her messages or not?

If the girl was on boards asking "I really like this lad from Tinder but he takes a day at least to get back to me, is he serious about me" the advice would probably be to ask him in case he has a good reason but drop him if not.

She text me about 3, around 3.10 she text me again saying I can see your online and haven't text me back. I had put my phone away, was outside enjoying the sun.

Locker10a

Perez2017 wrote: »

She text me about 3, around 3.10 she text me again saying I can see your online and haven't text me back. I had put my phone away, was outside enjoying the sun.

10 minutes! Ah now that crazy, did you leave her on read or something?

Perez2017

Locker10a wrote: »

10 minutes! Ah now that crazy, did you leave her on read or something?

was on what's app?

Ursus Horribilis

Perez2017 wrote: »

...Already on about going on holidays together.

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

Run Forrest, run. Don't have sex with her either or you'll be a daddy to be before the end of August.

LegacyUser

Perez2017 wrote: »

I know, she's obviously insecure, I'm 37, I suppose I'd like to meet someone at this stage but I want it to be right too.

Sorry OP but your red flag should be up.

Here’s my 2 cents: at the risk of being controversial here, you cannot magic up a connection or chemistry with someone you “like the look of” online or through text. But you know this hence why you’re spilling your guts to us rather than accepting her behaviour and carrying on as if it’s natural or normal.

You’re settling. Or trying to convince yourself to settle. But you’re too smart for it.

Sounds like she’s gone from 0 to 100 and you’re about to get boxed in if you allow yourself.
Planning holidays with a stranger she barely knows? Come on.
Giving out about you not texting back fast enough?
Don’t cod yourself, you are, in fact, strangers to each other.

Let me ask you something.
You say you’re 37 and want something serious.
Do you, HONESTLY, think this is the way to go about it?
Is there any woman you see everyday, whether it be at work, at your local or at a hobby, that you find attractive or have chemistry with?

I would pull back from this girl, cool off and see what happens.
From what I read above, she is not your wife and you are still single.

Perhaps engage a woman in real life in the meantime?

You sound like a switched on fella.
Don’t settle....your leading lady is out there. 😉

Good luck OP.

Ursus Horribilis

Probably better not to give her the keys to your house when she asks for them...

Seriously, take the texting thing as Red Flag 1. Take the holidays after only a handful of dates as Red Flags 2, 3, 4 and 5. You are asking for trouble if you go on any more dates with her.

CageWager

If this women is also 37 (ish) she’ll more than likely have a timeline. If she wants children then the vetting process that usually takes 3-4 years in your 20’s needs to be distilled into a few months because time is of the essence. If you want to kick on and have a family quickly then fill your boots (but be prepared for the consequences). Otherwise, cut her loose.

paw patrol

i'd see where it goes .

The fact she apologised and said she was wrong is defo a positive.
in her defence she could be anxious maybe tinder has treated her badly in the past.

If you like her to bail cos of one text message is premature.
If it is constantly like this , then yeah you should run

dudara

Posters - I have removed several posts which fell below the standard required in PI/RI.

Posts should be constructive and helpful with specific advice. If you can’t do that, then don’t post.

dudara

Perez2017

Girlwiththoughts30 wrote: »

Sorry OP but your red flag should be up.

Here’s my 2 cents: at the risk of being controversial here, you cannot magic up a connection or chemistry with someone you “like the look of” online or through text. But you know this hence why you’re spilling your guts to us rather than accepting her behaviour and carrying on as if it’s natural or normal.

You’re settling. Or trying to convince yourself to settle. But you’re too smart for it.

Sounds like she’s gone from 0 to 100 and you’re about to get boxed in if you allow yourself.
Planning holidays with a stranger she barely knows? Come on.
Giving out about you not texting back fast enough?
Don’t cod yourself, you are, in fact, strangers to each other.

Let me ask you something.
You say you’re 37 and want something serious.
Do you, HONESTLY, think this is the way to go about it?
Is there any woman you see everyday, whether it be at work, at your local or at a hobby, that you find attractive or have chemistry with?

I would pull back from this girl, cool off and see what happens.
From what I read above, she is not your wife and you are still single.

Perhaps engage a woman in real life in the meantime?

You sound like a switched on fella.
Don’t settle....your leading lady is out there. 😉

Good luck OP.

I have met her twice, nice girl but a bit full on. No one at work I really fancy but I see your point.

LegacyUser

Perez2017 wrote: »

I have met her twice, nice girl but a bit full on.

Only twice? Yeah, walk!

That text stuff is such crap behaviour! Saying it and then taking it back is pretty deliberate. I say that because now the seed is planted in your head that you need to reply to her faster or face more passive aggressive behaviour if you don't.

Also, going on about holidays?! For God's sake! Two dates and she's going on about holidays. No.

SouthernBelle

Perez2017 wrote: »

I have met her twice, nice girl but a bit full on. No one at work I really fancy but I see your point.

I’m female and my advice is to run as fast as you can walk away.

Mr.Crinklewood

Perhaps she has had several dates with different people.....she might be looking for a small committment ftom one of them.

Ursus Horribilis

Seriously, are alarm bells not ringing with you?

LegacyUser

Perez2017 wrote: »

I have met her twice, nice girl but a bit full on. No one at work I really fancy but I see your point.

Right. Twice and you're going on holidays? Are you serious?

No one you “really” fancy. Can we drop the really bit.
You can’t “really” fancy someone until you get to know them and give them a chance to demonstrate their character.
I said someone you find attractive.
Women who make wonderful wives and good mothers, who have strong characters are quality women, who do not come easy and require effort to obtain them.
You wouldn’t want your wife to come easy. I bet you’d rather be working hard for it then it landing on your lap.
She should have a strong character and boundaries to be an ideal and worthwhile partner.

Do you have a year or two to throw away with a woman you know isn’t the one for you and you’re only with so you’re not lonely? Or do you want your life to start now?

Perhaps you should put the phone away and have a look around for a woman you already share common ground with. You have to be open to letting someone get closer to you in the first place rather then writing someone off!

Holidays after two dates? Seriously like!

Purgative

I'm going against the GTFO flow here. Some of us are a bit socially inept (I include myself in that club ).

Girlwiththoughts30 wrote: »

Right. Twice and you're going on holidays? Are you serious?

Yep. A bit too full on but we all day dream and fantasize about situations it only becomes a thing if you say them out loud.


My 2c, is stay with it, see where it goes.

JustAThought

OP - is the 'holiday' a night or a weekend away in Ireland? Extremely rushed if so. If a week or fortniğht away then run faster. Far too much far too soon. Contraception much? It could be the most expensive decision of the next 18 or 24 years. For all you know it could be a weeklong or fortnight for conception - paid for you in full and continuing for the rest of your life. And you may be optional in all of this apart from your monthly cheque.

Perez2017

JustAThought wrote: »

OP - is the 'holiday' a night or a weekend away in Ireland? Extremely rushed if so. If a week or fortniğht away then run faster. Far too much far too soon. Contraception much? It could be the most expensive decision of the next 18 or 24 years. For all you know it could be a weeklong or fortnight for conception - paid for you in full and continuing for the rest of your life. And you may be optional in all of this apart from your monthly cheque.

It's abroad, I'll give it a skip.

Dtp1979

Have a word with her op. Maybe give her a chance. But be aware. If she’s as crazy as everyone here is saying, then you won’t be long finding out. You can’t hide that kinda crazy for too long

Emme

OP she sounds more trouble than she's worth. Your gut is telling you something - LISTEN. It would be best not to sleep with her before moving on but if you have always make sure to use a condom. Leave nothing to chance.

Frankly she sounds terrifying texting you after 10 minutes asking why you didn't text back because you were online. You could have been in the loo ffs!

There are women out there who are a lot less hard work. Go find them.

RhubarbCrumble

SouthernBelle wrote: »

I’m female and my advice is to run as fast as you can walk away.

I'm female too and completely agree with SouthernBelle.

ILoveYourVibes

Two points.

1.I would weigh up how much she was worth it to me.

2.I would ask myself if I would do this. (Hell no)


If she was worth it I would put up with it.

If she isn't then you should disappear.

From what you are saying you are leaning towards 'she ain't worth it'.

Bandana boy

I gotta say people reading way to much into a text imo

If you liked your 2 dates have a third. people are really good over time at telling you who they really are , no need to try and Sherlock every little clue . If you like the third have a fourth when it stops being fun , stop seeing her.

Floppybits

Perez2017 wrote: »

was on what's app?

The curse of Whats App when people can see you are online and think that they have their phone with them, were as the phone may not be with the person and the person is wondering why have they not responded.

I wouldn't be so quick to run away, give it another go but I would cool the talk of a holiday and maybe suggest a weekend away.

Dtp1979

Floppybits wrote: »

The curse of Whats App when people can see you are online and think that they have their phone with them, were as the phone may not be with the person and the person is wondering why have they not responded.

I wouldn't be so quick to run away, give it another go but I would cool the talk of a holiday and maybe suggest a weekend away.

That’s is how WhatsApp works though?