Four days of eating nothing but sweetcorn. Call for volunteers.

Former Observer

Hi everyone,

An idea was floated on this forum a while back regarding the possible repercussions of a diet consisting only of sweet corn on fecal integrity/conformation.

As you will all have observed, kernels of sweet corn remain intact in the body of the loaf after discharge.

Over the weekend I ate a gargantuan Portuguese pastry filled with cheese and sweet corn and I’ve observed now over the last two days how bright yellow kernels have spotted the body of the loaf kind of like chocolate chips on a chocolate chip cookie.

As previously noted, my turds for the last number of weeks have had a very mealy, granular texture. This is because I have upped my intake of almonds, brazil nuts and walnuts. If you were to run your hand along one of my turds it would be like stroking a dead pigeon that was plucked of its feathers and left to rot in a sand dune. If the light hits one of my turds in the right way you can seen hundreds of yellowish-brown pinheads receding into infinity.

Anyway, I once again got to thinking how interesting it would be to eat nothing but sweet corn, butter, water and white wine for three to four days, and to observe the effect on human effluence. As the kernels come out much the same way they go in, loaf integrity would approach zero by my reckoning.

I genuinely find this question extremely curious and would like to ask if any volunteers currently unemployed would be interested in trying this experiment. The community here could provide support mechanisms, and daily log sheets with accompanying photos would be required.

Last word: Volunteers will have to forgo coffee drinking for the experiment duration. I've noticed my own turds have an extremely rich aroma due to near constant ingestion of Maxwell House at my workplace and I'd worry it would offset test results.

Thanking you,

johny33

:D:D:D:D

lawred2

lol

spurious

What type of wine?

Woke Hogan

Even after four days of that diet your movements still wouldn't be as ****ty and corny as half of the "jokes" in this forum.

Former Observer

Thanks to those of you who have already sent me PMs. I'll get back to you this evening with ideas/plan of action.

EmmetSpiceland

I was under the impression that it was only the “husk” of the kernel that went undigested, F?

So when you eat them the “meat” of the corn get chewed, or worked, out and then when the “husk” passes through the bowels it gets “refilled” with faecal matter and gives the look that the corn has gone through “unscathed”.

I would be very interested to know if this isn’t the case as it would make eating sweetcorn a fairly “redundant” act.

Regarding your “mealy” and “granular” dumps of late, you should be very careful not to let that develop into a vicious case of “The Grits”, this dry, sharp and sandy shítting can be extremely painful and leave your hole suffering lots of very small cuts. Might be an idea to get a tall glass of buttermilk into you, just to be on the safe side.

Former Observer

Fascinating hypothesis Emmett and one that makes a lot of sense. I've overstated the luminance of the kernels in my own turds, they are rather duller than than the uneaten foodstuff.

I'm thinking I may extract one of the kernels this evening, god willing, and examine it. A toothpick will be used to 'dig out' the flesh in order to ascertain whether it is ordinary vegetable matter or transplanted fecal waste product.

My understanding is that sweet corn is not considered nutrient dense, but whether this is due the intrinsic quality of maize foodstuffs or to issues pertaining to digestion I do not know.

If there are any dietary specialists/food scientists on the forum that could enlighten us it would be much appreciated.

Professor Moriarty

Former Observer wrote: »

Hi everyone,

An idea was floated on this forum a while back regarding the possible repercussions of a diet consisting only of sweet corn on fecal integrity/conformation.

As you will all have observed, kernels of sweet corn remain intact in the body of the loaf after discharge.

Over the weekend I ate a gargantuan Portuguese pastry filled with cheese and sweet corn and I’ve observed now over the last two days how bright yellow kernels have spotted the body of the loaf kind of like chocolate chips on a chocolate chip cookie.

As previously noted, my turds for the last number of weeks have had a very mealy, granular texture. This is because I have upped my intake of almonds, brazil nuts and walnuts. If you were to run your hand along one of my turds it would be like stroking a dead pigeon that was plucked of its feathers and left to rot in a sand dune. If the light hits one of my turds in the right way you can seen hundreds of yellowish-brown pinheads receding into infinity.

Anyway, I once again got to thinking how interesting it would be to eat nothing but sweet corn, butter, water and white wine for three to four days, and to observe the effect on human effluence. As the kernels come out much the same way they go in, loaf integrity would approach zero by my reckoning.

I genuinely find this question extremely curious and would like to ask if any volunteers currently unemployed would be interested in trying this experiment. The community here could provide support mechanisms, and daily log sheets with accompanying photos would be required.

Last word: Volunteers will have to forgo coffee drinking for the experiment duration. I've noticed my own turds have an extremely rich aroma due to near constant ingestion of Maxwell House at my workplace and I'd worry it would offset test results.

Thanking you,

I'm interested. Just wondering though. What will happen on the turd day of the experiment?

Boardnashea

I feel that this experiment would be hugely affected by the simple criteria of whether the subject chews or swallows!

Sufficient mastication should render the sweetcorn uniform and blended at exit stage.

gerrybbadd

spurious wrote: »

What type of wine?

White

Former Observer

Boardnashea wrote: »

I feel that this experiment would be hugely affected by the simple criteria of whether the subject chews or swallows!

Sufficient mastication should render the sweetcorn uniform and blended at exit stage.

Excellent point and something that will have to be supplemented to the study documentation.

My own experience is that kernels always leave the body intact, but whether this is due to insufficient mastication on my part is something I hadn't considered.

Although it must be noted that there is a stubborn, sinewy quality to sweet corn sheaths, so I'm uncertain whether it really is possible to render them into a paste "at exit stage".

suicide_circus

you'll sound like a honda50 on the jacks

spurious

spurious wrote: »

What type of wine?

I’m getting adds for applemans cider when looking at this thread- I’m sure they’ll be pleased handing over that marketing budget to boards to appear on this thread- corn and turds sponsored by Applemans Cider

gozunda

Former Observer wrote: »

Hi everyone,

An idea was floated on this forum a while back regarding the possible repercussions of a diet consisting only of sweet corn on fecal integrity/conformation.

...

OP - you may wish to unload such scatalogical ruminations in the thread already dealing with such weighty matters - see:

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057970654

EmmetSpiceland

Just a quick question, F.

Would the “participants” solely be eating boiled sweetcorn from the can or freezer packet? Or will they putting together different types of “sweetcorn” based dishes?

You know, “corn salad”, “corn casserole”, “cream corn”, “Mexican corn salad”, “cheesey corn”, “corn chowder” etc, that sort of thing.

mojesius

Why the inclusion of white wine in the experiment diet OP? How much white wine are we talking?

White wine/alcohol in general affects the frequency/strength/consistency of bowel movements.

Have you considered that this could potentially skew the results? (whatever they may be!)

Woke Hogan

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Just a quick question, F.

Would the “participants” solely be eating boiled sweetcorn from the can or freezer packet? Or will they putting together different types of “sweetcorn” based dishes?

You know, “corn salad”, “corn casserole”, “cream corn”, “Mexican corn salad”, “cheesey corn”, “corn chowder” etc, that sort of thing.

It shouldn't matter it'll all come out as inverted as the commas around half of the words in your posts anyway, E.

Yer Da sells Avon

Boardnashea wrote: »

Sufficient mastication should render the sweetcorn uniform and blended at exit stage.

Not every thread has to be about ****.

Lil Sally Anne Jnr.

OP this is something I am interested in. I have to mind the kids this week but next week I could do three days anyway. PM sent.

Gregor Samsa

Between 25% and 54% of the solid matter in a turd is bacterial biomass - actual bacteria from your gut. Even on this proposed diet, the loaf integrity will never approach zero, as there'll be this significant percentage of (brown) bacterial biomass holding the corn kernels together. You'd need a strong dose of antibiotics to kill off all the gut microbes before you reached that point.

seamusk84

Well I’m recovering from a broken foot currently so I can’t do the full 3 days due to nutrient deficiency impacting my rehab.

But when it kicks off I’ll do the first 24 hours so I can get some of the experience. Will buy a few packets of frozen corn in the cob this weekend...I actually love it anyway.

JohnnyFlash

I can tell you what happens after 4 days drinking Guinness is like.

SandyMac1234

Why do people talk Shi+3 on this forum?

But considering that I had a strange one last night. Woke with pain at 2350. Sat on jack's for about 25 min. Then I realised "It was the same Shi+3 on a different day!"

This experiment has Nobel Peace Prize written all over it!

somefeen

The corn you see in your ****e isn't actually corn. Its parts of your stomach lining.

Sorry to ruin the scat party

What you see in your faeces is undigested corn casings. The 'inside' par is entirely digested and the casing passes through, unmolested.

Your premise is wrong, OP.

ToddyDoody

Former Observer wrote: »

Hi everyone,

An idea was floated on this forum

That's enough of this thread for me.

El Tarangu

Former Observer wrote: »

The community here could provide support mechanisms, and daily log sheets with accompanying photos would be required.

Hurr-hurr-hurr-hurr

Franz Von Peppercorn II

I have little to say on the topic but it does look like these scatalogical threads won’t end. Time I think for a scatalology forum which is, perhaps, invisible to the rest of us.

Franz Von Peppercorn II

Candie wrote: »

What you see in your faeces is undigested corn casings. The 'inside' par is entirely digested and the casing passes through, unmolested.

Your premise is wrong, OP.

He just likes talking sh1t. Literally.

circadian

Franz Von Peppercorn II wrote: »

I have little to say on the topic but it does look like these scatalogical threads won’t end. Time I think for a scatalology forum which is, perhaps, invisible to the rest of us.

I prefer the scat over the constant racism to be fair. Any watersports purveyors on AH?

Bobblehats

circadian wrote: »

Any watersports purveyors on AH?

I like the rowing if you’re into it?

EmmetSpiceland

phutyle wrote: »

Between 25% and 54% of the solid matter in a turd is bacterial biomass - actual bacteria from your gut. Even on this proposed diet, the loaf integrity will never approach zero, as there'll be this significant percentage of (brown) bacterial biomass holding the corn kernels together. You'd need a strong dose of antibiotics to kill off all the gut microbes before you reached that point.

I dunno, P. I recently, and have expanded on it on this forum previously, had an “experience” with a particularly oily “meat” pizza and came down with a bad dose of “pizzarrhoea”. Hot, spicy, from an “overuse” of chilli flakes, pure oily, prolonged thin squirts.

No colour either. The “ring piece” burned from the spice and the paper looked like the bottom of the white bag that holds the chips inside a brown “chipper” bag.

The “biomass” here was nothing but hot, spicy, oil. 100%.

ILoveYourVibes

I.......................see.

Good luck yall!

Former Observer

phutyle wrote: »

Between 25% and 54% of the solid matter in a turd is bacterial biomass - actual bacteria from your gut.

Fascinating contribution. Thank you. I'm still eager to analyse stool samples comprised of a high percentage of sweet corn casings though.

Former Observer

Candie wrote: »

What you see in your faeces is undigested corn casings. The 'inside' par is entirely digested and the casing passes through, unmolested.

Your premise is wrong, OP.

I feel this is unfair. The premise is merely to observe what our waste product, or "logs", "stool", "slugs" as you will, appear like after four days on a sweet corn, water, butter and white wine diet.

I've learnt a lot so far, including that up to 80% of the intact kernels are just sweet corn sheaths inflated with slop and anal flora (I've noticed a few fully undigested kernels too however). I tried to get a few on the end of my toothpick but it was a bit of a mess and I was gagging from the smell. I enjoy drinking coffee at work, but it gives my stool a very rich aroma, as well as the aforementioned mealy, granular complexion (in conjunction with a diet rich in cashews, walnuts, and almonds)