Advice

KateMallon90

My name is Kate I’m 18 years old and I’ve just finished my leaving cert. I suffer from really bad social anxiety so I find it very difficult to do things by myself. I’m having a really hard time at home lately because of my parents tempers. I live in the country side around half an hour away from anywhere really. I’m in the process of getting my drivers lisence but at the moment I have to ask my parents to bring me places. I asked my dad earlier if he could bring me to town and he said get a lift with my aunty who was going to town about 5 hours after I needed to be there, so i explained this to him but he was in a thick mood and started shouting at me aggressively and he said that I’m such a f””cked up person that’s been babied all my life that I can’t socialize with people or do anything for myself and I’m not normal and saying I’m not normal and I except my parents to do everything for me because I can’t do it myself then he started throwing stuff around in temper. I already worry about what other people think of me and I do find certain social suituations a bit uncomfortable I really wish I didn’t and I try not too but I really can’t help it. It broke my heart to hear him say all these nasty things about me, deep down I know I’m like that but it just hurt to hear someone say it out loud. He’s always throwing comments like that at me and I try to brush them off and ignore them but I can’t live with him anymore. I need help I have no money but I can’t live here anymore for my mental well-being I’m always being put down and I know for my sanity I have to get out of this house. What should I do ? I have no relatives I’d feel comfortable staying with, is there any like agency that could help me?

Postgrad10

I know you are 18 but you can still call child line for a chat. You can get direct advice onsite until 4am. https://www.ispcc.ie/childline

It’s ok to feel like you do. A lot of adults are unsure in social situations too. Are you planning on going to college or doing a course of some type? Or applying for jobs? It would be beneficial if you are, could give yourself and your dad a break from each other. And give you some other social interaction. Have a look at the following website. It has some different organizations that you could get support from.
https://spunout.ie/health

cruais

Did you apply for college courses? If So, would these require you to move to a closer location to a particular college? Grants are available etc

This might help you in your situation and provide a fresh start.

qwerty13

I really feel for you. That’s a tough situation to be in.

First off, suffering social anxiety doesn’t make you weird or abnormal. I think many people find social settings stressful - but become good at covering that up. You are not alone in feeling that way. Would you consider yourself introverted? I ask that because I am, and you know what, it’s ok to be like that. I am trying to remember the name of a person someone told me to watch a TED talk on the difference between introverts and extroverts - it was really good. And I sat there thinking that is so very much me!

So my second thing I wanted to say: as has been posted already, are you trying to get out of your situation - going to college, doing courses. Anything that will let you move out of your current environment. I think it would be very positive for you to do so - even if that does sound a little scary in the immediate future. I think the long term benefits would be great for you.

I wouldn’t say that I suffer from social anxiety - but I am an introvert. I find social settings with large numbers of people difficult. And smaller groups too, unless I know the people quite well. Starting working in a field that seemed to have people more similar to me helped me a lot. And built my confidence to deal with social settings a good bit better.

My last thing - if your user name is your real name, please do change it. I do think boards is good for advice - but there’s no reason to make yourself publicly identifiable, especially about an issue that you’re struggling with.

Edit to add: Susan Cain is the TED talk that I think is worth watching. It’s more focused on introversion that social anxiety, but I thought it was good

tara73

you poor one, I feel for you. I see similarities in my parents to yours. They were not that bad but they didn't gave me any confidence in myself generally and I will never forget how my father said: if you wanna go somewhere you need to look for yourself how to get there. we lived rurally too and they expected me to go everywhere with my bike which is fair enough at daytime but at night for a 16year old and in wintertime and in all climate I think not so...

so I can really relate to your pain and your emotional abuse. Your social anxiety stems from this abuse also and is not your fault. Never ever believe this.

And you are so right, you need to get out of this hell. Don't you have a (nice) relative you can confide in or any sort of trustworthy friend to find a place to stay until you start college? as others said, when you start college, you can apply for grands and everything will be sorted.

It's also worth to contact a helpline, you seem to be in real physical danger too, I'm sure they could help you too if there's no relative or friend. You are not alone in this, keep on posting here if you feel the need to!