Bit of Advice

Hugo1000

I'm going out with this girl for awhile and I went out one night with her and she has these gay friends and she was very flirtatious with them and rubbing their bum and their body, then I found out she kissed one of them on the lips!!!!
I personally think it's suspicious as if it's so easy for her to do this could she do it with another man being straight? But she says she never cheated!!! Should I be aware and as she says its harmless, but I'm a little paranoid thinking is she doing this with all men? What do you think?

Ursus Horribilis

Is this the same girlfriend you posted about before? https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin//showthread.php?t=2057977895

Hugo1000

Yes it is and I'm just looking for advice

Ursus Horribilis

Why are you still with her?

Hugo1000

Cause I'm in love with her and she is carrying my child
What do you make of my post?

Hugo1000

If your partner kisses another man on the lips and he is gay, is that counted as cheating and being unfaithful!!! Would she be doing the same with other men?

DonnaDarko09

Hugo1000 wrote: »

I'm going out with this girl for awhile and I went out one night with her and she has these gay friends and she was very flirtatious with them and rubbing their bum and their body, then I found out she kissed one of them on the lips!!!!
I personally think it's suspicious as if it's so easy for her to do this could she do it with another man being straight? But she says she never cheated!!! Should I be aware and as she says its harmless, but I'm a little paranoid thinking is she doing this with all men? What do you think?

In my opinion I don’t think it’s cheating. Is she normally of a flirty nature? Likes attention? Was it a quick peck on the lips? I would be more inclined to equate it to me (female) kissing a friend (female) in a jokey sort of way. Not that I would, but some people are more touchy feels than others.
Context is needed here and the fact that the men are gay would suggest she feels comfortable enough to do this and it likely means nothing sexual.

zapper55

As long as you stay with her your head will be wrecked. Nothing any of us can say will change that. Also are you sure the baby is yours? She sounds like an awful human being. Most women do not behave like this.

ManOfMystery

A) You're already got a thread on this
How can anyone on here know if she will do it with other men?

punisher5112

Oh if this were after hours,... But no so I say run run quite fast. She is a head wreck from all your previous topics about her.

TheBoyConor

She is pregnant for you and she is going around kiss guys on the lips. It doesn't matter that they are homosexuals, it is not appropriate for her to go around being so overtly flirtacious with other fellas.

dudara

Threads merged.

lawred2

punisher5112 wrote: »

Oh if this were after hours,... But no so I say run run quite fast. She is a head wreck from all your previous topics about her.

she's pregnant with his child

never ceases to amaze me when people marry and/or impregnate people that they clearly shouldn't..

punisher5112

lawred2 wrote: »

she's pregnant with his child

never ceases to amaze me when people marry and/or impregnate people that they clearly shouldn't..

I know, they aren't a pair that seems compatible to be honest.

Hugo1000

punisher: I get that a lot from friends and neighbours that she is just wrong for me and I don't know what to do, feels like a I hit a dead end. My friend Ash hates her and says she is not right for me.

MissShihTzu

My tuppence worth? Leave. This is not going anywhere and does not look as though it'll end well. You're not right for each other and frankly, the pair of you sound very immature.

Make arrangements for the baby, pay the maintenance and move on. For ALL your sakes!

Hedgelayer

As above, walk away if the kids yours looking after the kid would be your responsibility.

Since you're not married you could cut off all contact, ignore anything she's doing that you'll find irritating.

I waa in a similar scenario year's ago, I paid the maintenance seen my kid every second weekend and sometimes during the week.

Women like her who like to party will have no issue's with you taking your kid every second weekend, as she'll need the odd weekend to party.

You could turn this around in your favour, have ZERO contact with her.

As you'll have to maintain your child NOT HER...

Just sort out arrangements for access.

You may need to look at why you're so dependant on women too, that could ruin your life cowtowing to hostile women has ruined many a good man.

Sounds like your friends are giving you the right advice.

She doesn't sound like a good person anyhow.

If she's really hot, drop her like you'd drop a hot plate, more than likely she'll shatter.

Hot means hot, because she'll burn you inside out, women like her won't change for the better only for the worse.

But at the end of the day the decision is yours.

Ursus Horribilis

Hugo1000 wrote: »

punisher: I get that a lot from friends and neighbours that she is just wrong for me and I don't know what to do, feels like a I hit a dead end. My friend Ash hates her and says she is not right for me.

And that alone should be the biggest warning sign of all. All we have to go on is what you've written. They know you, they know her. She sounds really awful from what you've told us and your relationship seems to be toxic. The people around you can see what's going on. And more importantly, they're so concerned about you that they are telling you that she's wrong for you. In my experience, most people bite their tongues and don't offer an opinion on their friends' partners. That your friends and neighbours are saying this to you says a lot. Sounds like you are the only person who is oblivious to it.

You are in an utter mess because of this child you chose to have with this woman. In an ideal world, the advice you'd be given is to run to the hills and don't look back. All I can advise you to do here is make sure you get your name onto your child's birth cert and don't even think about marrying this woman. Find out what your legal right are because I think it's inevitable that you and her are going to split up at some stage. Given the way your relationship seems to be, it'd probably be better for your child if you split sooner rather than later. Your relationship seems to be fcked up enough as it is without damaging your poor child too.

ILoveYourVibes

Hugo1000 wrote: »

I'm going out with this girl for awhile and I went out one night with her and she has these gay friends and she was very flirtatious with them and rubbing their bum and their body, then I found out she kissed one of them on the lips!!!!
I personally think it's suspicious as if it's so easy for her to do this could she do it with another man being straight? But she says she never cheated!!! Should I be aware and as she says its harmless, but I'm a little paranoid thinking is she doing this with all men? What do you think?

The one who is having your baby in 4 weeks?


She seems immature. Maybe she thinks its a freebie since they are gay.


Take the lead and tell her firmly its not on.


I wouldn't do anything for the next six months. Concentrate on the baby.

Work at being the best Dad you can. At the end of next year take stock on how you think the relationship is going.

Communicate with her as much as you can.

ILoveYourVibes

Hedgelayer wrote: »

If she's really hot, drop her like you'd drop a hot plate, more than likely she'll shatter.

Hot means hot, because she'll burn you inside out, women like her won't change for the better only for the worse.

Very few women are hot when they are 8 months pregnant to be fair.

TheBoyConor

Too much drama to be had here.
Dump her and pay child support.

If she is going around kissing fellas, are you even 100% sure that she is actually having the child for you and not having it for some other jockey she got with on a night out?

ILoveYourVibes

TheBoyConor wrote: »

Too much drama to be had here.
Dump her and pay child support.

If she is going around kissing fellas, are you even 100% sure that she is actually having the child for you and not having it for some other jockey she got with on a night out?

Good thinking I never thought of that!

Although be careful OP ..you will be painted as the bad guy ...( because they will say he left his pregnant girlfriend).

Op if you decide to leave her..you need to be aware people will see you as the bad guy.

It can make it difficult for you. Maybe say you need to go away for work for a bit? Its your house i presume? When you come back start helping her and the baby find their own place or she can go back with the baby to her family. You can pay child support etc.

If you think she cheated tell people that.

But do be aware there is no way in reality you will come away looking like an angel in this. Its really unfair I know but its going to be the way people see it.


I would just say 'She cheated', rather than 'She kissed a gay guy'. A lot of people wont see that as cheating. Or it will lack veracity.

One good thing is if your family don't like her already they won't blame you at least. Which is quite the opposite of most guys families when it comes to this situation.

I know she sounds awful. But the thing is some people have a way of twisting things sometimes. Or twisting people's minds to where they are the victim. She sounds like the type.

Despite everything she has done, she could go around saying..'He left me nine months pregnant etc'.

Ursus Horribilis

For anybody who hasn't read the original thread I linked to. It's worth reading the entire thing to get a better idea of what's going on. These two incidents jumped out at me. This is so not about her kissing a gay guy or him shouting at her which led her to walking out. There are deep deep problems with this relationship. And as I have already said, when the people who know this guy in person are telling him that she's wrong for him, we can only guess at what they're seeing. I really pity their child being born into an unstable home. Things aren't going to settle down once their bundle of joy arrives. It's toxic and our OP was extremely foolish to have agreed to have a child with this woman. Sorry for being so blunt but that's the way I see it.

We went to my parents grave in Kilkenny and I'm in Dublin. I wanted to sit by their graveside and spend time for awhile and she texted me to meet her at the hotel and that she was not waiting in the car. I walked back and said could I not spend a little longer with them? She went mental I mean red face and angry and started speeding down the road. And to make the record straight it's a country road so for me to walk to the hotel would take 20 mins on a bad road. She loses it so quickly.

May I add a little more, She mentioned the night before she walked that there is a love bite on my neck and for the record I never have once been disloyal to her and always truthful. But after she said it, I got a little insecure thinking was she up to something, so the next day I was fuming as to why she would say this and we are having a baby together and does she really trust me at all, so thats one of the reasons I shouted and try to have my say and it all started with her saying I have a hickey from another girl, does not make sense and does she even trust or love me at all? She has also mentioned before if I'm having an affair and my sister said afterwards was she planning all this? I love my girlfriend a lot and I never had a reputation as a player or a cheater, I would do anything for this to work out for the sake of my little girls future. But the accusations has to stop now!

ILoveYourVibes

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

For anybody who hasn't read the original thread I linked to. It's worth reading the entire thing to get a better idea of what's going on. These two incidents jumped out at me. This is so not about her kissing a gay guy or him shouting at her which led her to walking out. There are deep deep problems with this relationship. And as I have already said, when the people who know this guy in person are telling him that she's wrong for him, we can only guess at what they're seeing. I really pity their child being born into an unstable home. Things aren't going to settle down once their bundle of joy arrives. It's toxic and our OP was extremely foolish to have agreed to have a child with this woman. Sorry for being so blunt but that's the way I see it.

Thank you for that. VERY insightful. The quotes in your post I mean they won't show up in this post though.

I hadn't read that 'other thread' is it? too complicated to find etc for my simple mind.

It's amazing how some women's minds work. So manipulative.

She has your mind all twisted OP.

It seems like only your family etc see clearly.

Why is it always that the man is the only one who can't see?

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

You need to end this relationship. You're tied to her because of your child but she will very literally wreck your head if you stay in a romantic relationship with her.

This will not get better and will almost certainly get substantially worse. You know things aren't right and she's still managing to get you confused. Give her a few years and you'll be fully convinced you're the problem.

I can't think of a single other thread on here where there's been a chorus of advice to an OP to leave their heavily pregnant girlfriend, it's not advice given lightly. Nor do people's friends generally start speaking ill of partners if it's not very serious.

I honestly don't know whether to advise you to do it now or after the baby is born but you have to do it.

And when you do, do it in public, with witnesses. Take Ash with you. Practice beforehand. Stay calm. After that be EXTREMELY wary of being alone with her. It's not so much that I'd worry for your safety, I'd worry what accusations she'll make about you.

She is not going to take this well and it's going to be sh1t but you need to leave her. No advice anyone can give you on any particular batsh1t toxic detail is relevant. Leave her.

Ursus Horribilis

You need legal advice too. Urgently. If she's living with you in your house and you've now got a baby on her way, the implications are significant. The cohabitation laws could give her rights to your house. A child thrown into the mix means that these kick in after just 2 years. It's 5 ordinarily.

TheBoyConor

If that is the case the, as bad is it sounds, it looks like you need to get her kicked out of the house asap before she has the child if you are close on the 2 year mark.

Ursus Horribilis

TheBoyConor wrote: »

If that is the case the, as bad is it sounds, it looks like you need to get her kicked out of the house asap before she has the child if you are close on the 2 year mark.

That's not going to happen. Our OP told us he loves his girlfriend. It's irrelevant that other people who know them think she's not right for him and have told him so in different ways. He wants to build a life with her and their child. If that's what he wants, that's his choice. I just happen to think that sooner or later, this relationship is going to hit a wall. The person coming second best out of it will be our OP.

Make no bones about it, chances are they'll still be together when the child is born. All we can do is encourage him to get his ducks in a row ahead of a possible split. Make sure he gets his name onto the birth cert - she sounds like the sort of weapon who'd try to deny him access to his own child. On the house thing, I've a feeling that horse has long since bolted thanks to the co-habitation laws. Having legal advice doesn't mean he has to split from her. I just happen to feel he needs to have this information, regardless of whether he uses it or not.

OP, I don't know if you are still following this thread. You stopped engaging with the other thread and I notice you've stopped engaging with this one too. You're not enjoying us saying bad things about your girlfriend, I expect. In the other thread, you were encouraged to go for counselling by yourself. Did you ever take that advice? I think even at this late stage you should. Not couples counselling. Counselling for you alone. You need it.

shesty

I can't help but feel sorriest for this poor child here.

TheBoyConor

The op has made his bed. He has to lie in it now.
Fúcked up situation but she holds all the cards now.