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Partner's self esteem issues/insecurity

  • 04-07-2019 12:22pm
    #1
    Bleedindzope
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2 ✭


    I've been with my partner for over 2 years and we live together. Lately he has developed some insecurities and self esteem issues. It was mostly triggered by an unflattering photo taken of him. At the time, I reassured him that he doesn't always look like that, the lighting was genuinely terrible. I was being sincere saying that too not just trying to make him feel good.

    He now regularly makes passing comments that I'm crazy to fancy him, and "jokingly" points out other men who could be a better match for me. He's never done this before.

    I personally have done nothing to exacerbate these feelings for him. We have very regular sex, I'm always affectionate, I compliment him freely but never falsely, I'm faithful and we discuss our future together in a very secure way.

    There is a bit of an age gap between us, and in his 40s his body has started to soften and he's greying etc but this isn't unattractive to me and obviously love him as a person not just for his looks. (Though he is very handsome, not just "for his age" but in general)

    Has anyone been through something similar from either of our sides? What more can I do to help him through these issues?


Comments

  • #2
    GRACKEA
    Closed Accounts Posts: 129 ✭✭GRACKEA


    Not to be rude but it sounds a bit like a midlife crisis of sorts.
    He could try new hobbies or other things he can do in life to have a sense of achievement and build confidence, though it sounds a bit like he bases his self worth on his aesthetics.
    If you haven't already, talk to him about it specifically. "Listen, have you been feeling okay? You seem a bit down on yourself?"
    Sometimes with men they need their problem addressed head on and won't notice or appreciate all the subtle emotional work we do. Best of luck to you both.


  • #3
    Bleedindzope
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2 ✭Bleedindzope


    GRACKEA wrote: »
    Not to be rude but it sounds a bit like a midlife crisis of sorts.
    He could try new hobbies or other things he can do in life to have a sense of achievement and build confidence, though it sounds a bit like he bases his self worth on his aesthetics.
    If you haven't already, talk to him about it specifically. "Listen, have you been feeling okay? You seem a bit down on yourself?"
    Sometimes with men they need their problem addressed head on and won't notice or appreciate all the subtle emotional work we do. Best of luck to you both.

    Yeah he wouldn't be the most emotionally open person, hence the joking about things that clearly worry him, so coming straight out with the problem might cause a shut down.

    But the open endedness of "is everything okay?" could work when we're out for a drive or walk or something equally casually rather than a sit down discussion.

    Thank you for the advice x


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