Can't cope with retail job, feel pathetic

LegacyUser

Totally prepared for the sarcastic type of response this post may get, but maybe I need to hear them to make myself cop on.

I'm 25 and just moved to a new city (in Ireland), starting my masters in September. I came a few months early to find long term accommodation and get a job set up. I've been working in a shop (newsagent type) for 5 or 6 weeks and I am not coping at all.

I hate it more than I can even begin to describe. I don't expect to like every part of work, I understand we'd all prefer to be at home. I was never an anxious, nervous or shy person and I am honestly now in a constant state of terror and panic, in and out of work. All my energy goes into not losing it at work, and all of my time out of work is spent thinking about the next time I have to go in. I hate this. I spent 2 years after my undergrad in a high stress job in London working with the police and didn't bat an eyelid - dealt with violent assaults, horrific accidents, trauma, had a LOT of responsibility. Coped very well, had an active social life, hobbies outside of work hours, slept well.

Now I'm home working in a shop and can't do it. I hate being in charge of the orders, signing for products, dealing with money at the till and the card machine. Most of all it has floored me how rude people are to shop staff, how they go out of their way to make you feel small. How people lose it over an incorrectly marked price or a sold out newspaper. I really know that I am coming across so puny and pathetic, but I never considered myself a soft and sensitive person. Now I lie awake in bed the night before work close to tears. I'm so confused and angry with myself for not being able for this. I've made no friends, don't do anything outside of work because I am so drained the whole time.

I have spent countless hours googling (a) how to cope at work (b) how to not think about work outside of work, I am in desperate need of some coping skills. There is realistically nothing else my boss can do to help, they trained me in, the work is what it is, not like I can move departments. I am hesitant to leave because, logically, this job fits my lifestyle. Can work around college hours, walking distance from college and home. Plus, if I left, I'd probably just be going into another retail job.

So I guess my questions are: 1. how do i cop on/what the hell is going on with me? 2. how do people push work out of their thoughts outside of work?

woodchuck

OP it doesn't sound pathetic at all.

Is there any chance you can change jobs? Even moving to another retail job in a different area or different type of shop might help. I worked in retail previously in a clothes shop in a half decent area and the customers were actually fine for the most part. So even though the change might not look like much on the CV, it could do wonders for your mental health.

OP youve proven yourself in other gigs, so its not you full stop.

now, you need to work out why this job is under your skin. worth the effort for your own wellbeing.

talk to your boss. find out what you should have to put up with and what to do when you dont have to put up with something.

for the things you have to put up with, find a way to make it water off a ducks back. its not you its them. its not them, its the gig. play the role.

and if your best shot at that doesnt work, you gave it a good shot and nobody can take that off you.

also, think about maybe a tesco, the environment there is quite different and the hours should suit you just as well.

Purple Mountain

Really sorry to hear this, mate.
Honestly, the anxiety and stress your describing is not healthy and I think you need to get away from there.
Noone is going to come on here and slate you, in fact it's applaudable that you're recognising the stress. Too many people stay stuck in a rut for too long to their detriment.
I would agree with another poster that you need to step back and identify what is getting under your skin.
It sounds like something triggered this.
You say your social life has dwindled etc.
Might be worth exploring if you are going through a depression or something.
Speak to a trusted friend for their honest opinion and if necessary, your GP.
You don't want to go into another job for this to happen again.
So, take time and see if you can find the root cause.
It sounds like you currently have a block regarding responsibility - check in with yourself where that came from.
Maybe some mindfulness meditating or podcast would be good at this time.
Anyhow, I'd be on the look out for another job. Yes, it'll probably be retail to fit in with your college life but there's plenty of other retaile jobs like a restaurant, cafe, music store etc to explore.
Best of luck.

Purple Mountain

Edit- I just reread your first post, OP.
I'm obviously not qualified as a therapist or analyst but to be it sounds like you have too much responsibility in the job and that you are more comfortable as a team player rather than working solo/being a main key player.
The job in the police area, that was probably a large team, you had to report to someone? You had people to fall back on and to vent to? And knew that you weren't carrying the can alone?
I'm interpreting that in this shop job, you are probably often there alone, opening/closing up? Responsible for the money being spot on? Stock balance etc?
Just think about that.
And if that rings true, the next job you go apply for, check out the dynamics first before you accept.
You could be a natural born team player and not a leader and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
It's just good to know and acknowledge it.

Necro

feelpathetic wrote:

Now I'm home working in a shop and can't do it. I hate being in charge of the orders, signing for products, dealing with money at the till and the card machine. Most of all it has floored me how rude people are to shop staff, how they go out of their way to make you feel small. How people lose it over an incorrectly marked price or a sold out newspaper. I really know that I am coming across so puny and pathetic, but I never considered myself a soft and sensitive person. Now I lie awake in bed the night before work close to tears. I'm so confused and angry with myself for not being able for this. I've made no friends, don't do anything outside of work because I am so drained the whole time.

A lot of this is actually because you are new into the job. I find people are particularly nasty to newer staff in retail, especially in a type of corner shop 'this is MY local what the F are you doing here' environment.
They feel it's their job to break you down and exploit any weakness displayed.

Can't really help you in terms of ordering stock or dealing with the till OP but I can say that in the main you either get used to the typical ignorant customer, find your own way of dealing with them (tip: a good rant to a colleague about bumbling Mr. Jones and his nonsense over 5 cents of a price difference helps both you in letting off steam and also to build a relationship with your colleagues, who trust me have heard and dealt with a lot worse) OR you don't and in that case, leave.

Unfortunately the main game in retail is dealing with customers (at entry level anyways) so if you're finding that part too difficult it might just not be for you, and there's no shame in that either tbf. It might suit your lifestyle but it's clearly having an impact on you in a negative way so ask yourself this, is the money really worth it? I think you know the answer yourself.

Corruptedmorals

Worked in retail for years....but I would not have been able to work in a corner shop. Worked in Dunnes and it was great in a way because almost everybody else was the same age in college so it was very social and the work itself was varied with no real responsibility. Handled cash and card but did not have to balance or count it. The till did all the work, never had to input price into the card reader either. Or open/close the store or monitor shoplifters and because it was so big and busy there wasn't time to dwell on or feel trapped by a horrible customer. It used to really annoy me customers looking down on retail staff...plenty of those whom I worked with are now lawyers, accountants etc! Best way to deal with it was rant to others there.

Small shop retail environment doesn't suit you and isn't worth the stress. But don't count out retail, a big supermarket/store is a totally different environment and could be ideal.

GalwayGrrrrrl

OP, don’t feel bad. I’ve worked in many different jobs over the years with varying degrees of responsibility and retail was by far the hardest. It’s like you are constantly “on show” having to pretend to be polite to rude people and nowhere to hide for a minutes breather. If you’re working alone you’re probably not getting much break time either. I would recommend moving to a bigger store (as others have suggested, Dunne’s Tesco etc) where you’ll have more of a team around you and proper break times. Unfortunately most student friendly jobs are some kind of customer service but it sounds like a change of scene would help you. Also have a chat to your GP as it sounds like you’ve had a sudden increase in anxiety which is worth getting checked in case it’s the early signs of depression - which is very treatable and would be good to get on top of before you go back to college.

Foweva Awone

Oh God I really feel you!

I'm 33 and worked in really high-powered, high-stress Finance jobs for most of my 20s, with lots of responsibilities. My mental health pretty much imploded around 5 years ago (unrelated to my work) and I've been on illness benefit and then disability the past few years. I've only recently returned to work, and rather than going back to Finance I decided to take on an "easy" minimum wage retail job in a local supermarket.

Now as retail jobs go it's really not the worst. The managers are actually lovely and there's a pleasant atmosphere there. But like you I have to really psyche myself up for every shift, and I count the hours down until I've completed another day without having a breakdown or getting fired.

I find it really helps to keep things in the day - constantly telling myself I don't necessarily need to stick it out for weeks or months, just get through this one shift and see from there. I reward myself with little treats each day I work - e.g. foot masks in the evening, a long bath, a new book, whatever. I've been lucky enough not to encounter too many nasty customers, but when I do I remind myself that it's a behaviour of THEIRS, and not something I should feel guilty or upset by.

My counsellor actually told me before I got the job that if it was a low-stress job I was after, AVOID retail at all costs. She was right. But at the same time, there's a lot about this job that suits me so I'm going to try to stick it out. But don't be so hard on yourself. It's pretty much universally acknowledged that retail work is hellish, you're not alone in struggling with it.

I hope it works out for you, but do remember it's not the end of the world if it doesn't.

Xterminator

Hi Op

You have a tough enough job, no doubt. But the comments and customer complaints etc need to become like water off a ducks back for your own sanity. They shouldn't make you stay up at night playing the situation over in your head.

i note that you also hate other aspect to the job that sound benign -

I hate being in charge of the orders, signing for products, dealing with money at the till and the card machine.

You are very unhappy, but could your unhappiness stem from other aspects of your life, and this hatred of work and inability to compartmentalize and switch off when you are at home. be a symptom rather than the cause?

RhubarbCrumble

OP, let me just say that you are FAR from 'pathetic'. I've worked in retail in the past and it's one of the most unpleasant jobs ever. Like a previous poster, I worked in Dunnes years ago when I was in college, and that wasn't too bad because it was a team effort, generally all the staff looked out for each other. Yes, some of the managers could be a**eholes, but there were so many of them there that you weren't stuck with the same one all the time and they tended to get moved on to another store fairly often.

However, I worked in a newsagents for about 6 months and to this day it was the most horrible job I've ever had. I got bawled out of it in my first week because I didn't lift the float fast enough and had too much in my till. I literally couldn't do it as every time I attempted to another crowd of customers surged on me. We were always understaffed as the owner was too tight to employ more people or give anyone more hours, so the girl who was supposed to be on the second till was over in the deli also struggling.

Some of the rudest, most pig ignorant people in my life that I've ever met have been customers that I've served. The general public can be something else, looking down their nose at you and knowing they could abuse you and treat you like s**t and say what they wanted because they knew you couldn't answer back.
I had a customer scream at me one night because he wanted to do the lotto and the machines had shut off. He started roaring and shouting at me that it was only 7.55pm and 'Are you f***ing slow or something? The lotto doesn't stop until 8pm'. In vain I tried to explain that all the machines shut off at 7.50pm and he threw the lotto slip at me and told me that he was going to the shop up the road to do it instead. I thought good luck to him because every lotto machine in the country shout off at 7.50pm. It was nothing to do with the individual shop.

I firmly believe that after leaving school or college every single person should be made work in retail or a year. A bit like conscription! If they realised what the general public are like towards retail staff and what a horrible job it can be, they'd all be a lot nicer towards retail staff.

OP, I left that job after 6 months and went working in Penneys. They're definitely one of the better retailers to work for. The majority of the managers are polite, easy to deal with and you actually get a please and thank you from them.

I'd really advise you to look for another job because your mental health is worth a lot more. Try Dunnes/Tesco/Penneys etc. The majority of the weekend/late night staff are students as they're the hours that they can work.

But whatever you do DON'T be blaming yourself for the way you're feeling about this job. It's not your fault. I'd be willing to bet that you're under pressure trying to do 3 or 4 things at once (till, merchandise stock, tidy the floor, look after deliveries etc) and with no support from any manager.

SirChenjin

'Now I lie awake in bed the night before work close to tears. I'm so confused and angry with myself for not being able for this. I've made no friends, don't do anything outside of work because I am so drained the whole time.'

First of all, no, you are not pathetic, not in the slightest. You have made quite a few changes in your life, moving city, starting this job and so on. So as pp have said, it's not necessarily just the job that is causing you to feel the way you do.
You held down a tough role previously and obviously coped well with it. So, as others have suggested, is there any possibility of trying to change jobs? Are there any hobbies or activities that would get you out and about so that work doesn't seem so all-consuming?

Once the college year begins, you will be mixing with others and hopefully making new friends too.

Your thoughts are very negative at the moment, even looking at how you describe yourself, and that you described yourself as being prepared for sarcastic responses. You might find it helpful to chat with a counsellor. Your college will more than likely have such a service. In the meantime, there are some low cost counselling services that might be worth a try.

On a lighter note there is a thread in the Ranting and Raving forum dedicated to retail. You are far from alone. Dealing with the public is a tough job.

Mind yourself.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Yeah it's a stressful time and the general public are awful, give yourself a break. I think everyone who works in retail lets it get to them to sometimes and gets frustrated at themselves over it.

Just this morning in the shower I was rerunning in my head an argument I had with a customer over a sausage sandwich. I had that argument in August. Of 2006. And I'm still very angry about it :pac:

But, there have been how many hundreds of similar interactions in the intervening years and I probably don't remember even half of them. It does get easier, I'm pretty long in the game now and it's water off a duck's back.

And you're not going to have to be long in the game! You're doing this to further your education and never have to work a job like this again.


Two things that have helped me not give a sh1t about abuse from customers over the years though: when you're stuck in stupid wrangling about price or products or whatever, at least you're being paid to have that conversation. The other eejit is doing it for free, on purpose. And that leads to the second thing: no normal, happy person with a nice life has EVER ripped into a retail worker over nothing. They're nasty, unhappy people and it sucks you have to deal with them but at least you don't have to BE them.

You're currently working an isolating job and don't have much else to focus on or a social outlet, it's not pathetic to feel how you're feeling. I agree that maybe a different retail job would be better for you, the customer base is always going to have a certain amount of idiots and arseholes but it's infinitely easier to handle when the people you're working with and for are good.

dellas1979

Well, you could turn this around, see it another way, if you wish, and take some lessons from it.

- You are not going to be doing this the rest of your life
- How people behave towards you has nothing to do with you. If someone is rude to you, shake/laugh it off. It's not your problem.
- It's a good lesson on how to let go of things quickly (if you allow it).
- You have a job that you can leave at the door once you head out the door.
- You do realise you are the one bringing it home, in your head. And you are the only one who has control over that.

It is your choice how you deal with this. You will come across more situations like this in your life. And life is for a learning.

antix80

feelpathetic wrote: »

Totally prepared for the sarcastic type of response this post may get, but maybe I need to hear them to make myself cop on.

Well there's a negative voice if I ever heard one.

feelpathetic wrote: »

I'm 25 and just moved to a new city (in Ireland), starting my masters in September. I came a few months early to find long term accommodation and get a job set up. I've been working in a shop (newsagent type) for 5 or 6 weeks and I am not coping at all.

New city.
New course.
New job.

Maybe you're overwhelmed and your body is responding with anxiety.

feelpathetic wrote: »

I spent 2 years after my undergrad in a high stress job in London working with the police and didn't bat an eyelid - dealt with violent assaults, horrific accidents, trauma, had a LOT of responsibility. Coped very well, had an active social life, hobbies outside of work hours, slept well.

Now I'm home working in a shop and can't do it. I hate being in charge of the orders, signing for products, dealing with money at the till and the card machine. Most of all it has floored me how rude people are to shop staff, how they go out of their way to make you feel small. How people lose it over an incorrectly marked price or a sold out newspaper.

They're completely different environments. The "high-stress" environment sounds nicer. A job in a hierarchy where you felt important, felt protected, presumably were treated well, and if you had external customers you probably had the "power"-not that you were unfair with it.

Now you're in a job that really doesn't get enough respect for what's expected of you in terms of the responsibilities you're expected to juggle and the demanding customers who have the "power" (they can shop elsewhere).

It's even worse for conscientious people like yourself because certain things are completely outside your control. Like prices being too high, and stuff being out of stock.. it's not your fault, but people blame you as an agent of the shop. It's not fair, is it?

And you're beating yourself up because you're comparing yourself to a 17-year old who can do the job while messing with snapchat and rolling their eyes and taking everything in their stride.

Retail isn't for everyone. Some people love it: the variety, the chats with regular customers, flirting with cute customers, their friends coming in for the bants. They just take things in their stride.

All I'd suggest is if you decide to stay in the job, use it as a learning opportunity of how to prosper in a new and uncomfortable environment. And stop taking it so seriously!

feelpathetic wrote: »

2. how do people push work out of their thoughts outside of work?

Stop being so hard on yourself!

There's no rush on getting things to work out. Just get settled in a bit better.

Get a routine, make friends, drag yourself to the gym even when you're not feeling like it. Sorry, I'm going to say it "go for a walk".. it's the most dismissive, unhelpful advice when someone is anxious or depressed. But the weather is really nice out. If you could get for a nice stretch in the mornings and evenings, have a bit of a social life, hopefully the job will work out for you and it's something you will enjoy doing while providing much needed cash for college.

Best of luck.

ILoveYourVibes

I don't know how to advise you OP.

But i just want to say i don't think you are pathetic at all.

I would feel the same under those conditions or worse. In fact aren't you rather wonderful for still being there?

So please start feeling you are someone with great coping skills and social skills.

Its those people who are just rude and ill mannered!

I guess they are just not thinking about how demanding they are because they have never been in your position.

Akrasia

Retail is hard but being on your own in a corner shop in a city where you don't know anyone takes all the worst parts of working in retail and sucks out any of the good parts.

If I were you I'd be handing out my CV and looking for something else. Your self worth and self confidence are worth more than the minimum wage that job is probably paying you

radiotrickster

I worked in a corner shop for less than two months and it was the worst thing I could have done. I was hoping to hold the job while I tried to get into the field I did my degree in but I couldn't stick it.

I've been suffering from the same thing lately with not being able to think about anything but the stress of work outside of work. I know usually you just want to go straight home after a tough shift, but I was recently told by someone in occupational health that if you feel like that, you should spend about 20-30 minutes doing something relaxing before you get home. Go for a walk, go for coffee, read a book. Just make sure it's something that breaks up the day between work and home. That way, you're relaxed when you get home and you're not still in that stressed-out work mindset.

I've done it a couple of times in the past week and it's worked wonders. My partner couldn't believe how happy I was one evening when I got home after spending an hour after work doing something I loved, when usually I'd just get home, sit on the couch and cry/nap from the mental exhaustion. It really revitalised me!

LegacyUser

OP here. Wow, thanks for all the nice responses

It was nice to hear other people's experiences working in a similar job. Yes, this place seems to be a case of I'm the 'newbie' and people feel the need to remind me of that. It's a lot of people getting frustrated with me for not knowing what lotto tickets or scratch cards they want as soon as they stroll in the door, they get annoyed that they have to tell me!!!! I know a lot of my own annoyance is coming from my old job too, I had to deal with people who had just been attacked and had reason to be angry and lash out so I could understand, but when people were shouting at me over a telly bingo quick pick I couldn't understand it!!

When I posted I was in the middle of a week of long shifts and I just felt like my day off would never come. It was just getting hard standing behind the till for 8 hours feeling like everyone who walked through the door was going to let rip at me. I feel a bit better now after a day off.

Someone suggested to break up the day by doing something between work and home so I have started doing this. One day I went for a pint by myself and watched a match, and another day I sat in a local hotel and read some of a book. I've started taking a longer route home on a nice walk way too and signed up for the gym over the weekend.

For now I am going to stick the job out to build up the retail experience on my CV, and will start applying for different/bigger shops when I have a few months under the belt. I do agree that somewhere like Dunnes or Tesco would probably suit me better. Thanks again for all the help, like I said I have just moved and do not really know anyone so it was nice to feel like I had people to let this all out too!