Why do my parents not like taking me from me for bills

Defini123

Some background - I live at home with my folks. I don’t pay rent or anything as my parents don’t want it. They said if I wasn’t good with money, they’d charge me rent and save it. They know I’m good with money so they trust me. I’m 23 and make 32K a year.

My dad works as a manager for a construction company. My Mum is a homemaker. They have two rental properties. They bet around 70K in an area where average salary is 35K and median is 44K. I make 32K.

Recently we’ve had a lot of vet visits, it was getting expensive so I decided to pay for it. Just to make it easier on them. There’s been about 10 visits this year (we have 4 pets), I’ve made for the last 5/6 amounting to 400/500 quid. I’ve no issue with this at all. It’s all I’m paying.

My mum is saying it’s not fair that I have to spend all this money, and I’m like “this is my only expense, it’s no issue at all”. But she still doesn’t think I should be paying anything.

Any advise on dealing with this???

Gloomtastic!

‘The debts that we owe our parents for raising us, we repay to our children’

ted1

Defini123 wrote: »

Some background - I live at home with my folks. I don’t pay rent or anything as my parents don’t want it. They said if I wasn’t good with money, they’d charge me rent and save it. They know I’m good with money so they trust me. I’m 23 and make 32K a year.

My dad works as a manager for a construction company. My Mum is a homemaker. They have two rental properties. They bet around 70K in an area where average salary is 35K and median is 44K. I make 32K.

Recently we’ve had a lot of vet visits, it was getting expensive so I decided to pay for it. Just to make it easier on them. There’s been about 10 visits this year (we have 4 pets), I’ve made for the last 5/6 amounting to 400/500 quid. I’ve no issue with this at all. It’s all I’m paying.

My mum is saying it’s not fair that I have to spend all this money, and I’m like “this is my only expense, it’s no issue at all”. But she still doesn’t think I should be paying anything.

Any advise on dealing with this???

Pet insurance is what you should get them.

https://www.allianz.ie/pet-insurance/cover_info/

Addle

I have never known my parents income details.
Are ye weird about money?

woodchuck

OP I'm sure many people would be jealous to be in your position. Presumably you're able to save a lot of money, which you can use towards a deposit on your own place some day. I'd imagine this is your parents way of trying to give you a great head start in life.

However, if you really do want to contribute financially, just set up a standing order into one of their accounts (assuming you have their details). This is what I'd do personally. I'd feel terrible not paying my way tbh, especially if I'm earning decent money.

Another option is to move out. Obviously this would mean you'll be paying an awful lot on rent though. It it depends what's more important to you atm: being able to save money for your future, or having more freedom in general.

Defini123

Addle wrote: »

I have never known my parents income details.
Are ye weird about money?

My parents were always very open with us about money. Basically to teach us how to manage money ect since we were teens

Addle

Your parents are obviously very comfortable with their income.
Why can’t you just accept their generosity? In return save and be respectful to their wishes.

Always Tired

Wow, you're lucky. I'm unemployed and still have to pay 50 a week plus split the ESB/internet/heat and buy a lot of my own food. But my mother is widowed and not working either and is near retirement age so the money is more needed for the mortgage. Unfortunately though, it also means I can't afford a car or to get the money together to relocate, which is my only chance to get work as the town I live in is a black hole when it comes to employment opportunities.

Just keep doing what youre doing, help out with unexpected expenses and stuff, save it for the future, or treat them to something nice the odd time. If they dont need or want the money you dont have to feel guilty, just be grateful and maybe you'll be in position to be similarly generous to someone else.

antix80

Your parents are financially secure so they don't need the money.
They also know how hard it is to get ahead and are giving you some breathing room to save, enjoy life, etc.
The worst thing a parent can do is have an unhealthy obsession with their child's finances or attempting to use money to control their kids, but if a parent behaves like that they'll typically interfere in all aspects of their child's life. Your parents clearly don't do that.

The only weird thing that strikes me about your post is you saying that you're "good with money".. how so? It sounds like an easy thing to be when you have a decent salary and no bills, and no addictions. If it means you're making decisions based on your parents' approval- typically safe choices -just make sure you won't have regrets about your education or career down the line because you didn't take a few risks like doing an expensive course, starting a business, living abroad, etc.

ongarboy

OP - the "bank of Mom and Dad" has come up a lot lately when it comes to getting a hand out for deposits for homes. Even Leo Varadkar has suggested it as an option.

Maybe this situation of your parents not asking for money is their way of helping you save quicker for the day you will want to move out and need a deposit. Instead of giving you a lump sum then to assist as many parents do when that time comes, they may have the view that they funded you through out the years you lived with them as an adult so they have paid their dues. Who knows...

As other said, most would be envious of your position. It sounds like you are sensible with money and understand and appreciate the value of it. If you are that put out by the fact you are do not have to pay for anything, explain your discomfort to them and ask is there a way you can compromise (ie pay for the broadband, gas, electricity, phone so that those bills are direct debited out of your account) so that it will make you feel better. They can hardly be upset or angry with you because you want to pay your way. Maybe offer to do and pay for the weekly grocery shop or look after the odd jobs around the house.

If they refuse and you are still uncomfortable with the situation, then you need to consider whether you want to live in a house with that arrangement. It would be an unusual reason to leave a house however.....

PS - I also find it unusual that you have such an in depth knowledge of your parent's finances too. It's ironic that their approach to teaching you how to manage your money is never letting you put your hand into your pocket for anything. For 99.9% of children, that would encourage reckless spending as there would never be any consequences. Your discipline is to be admired!

ManOfMystery

I'm going to say it's a matter of pride.

My parents are similar. I'm 41 and have lived independently since I was 18, but to this day they will still insist on paying for dinner if we're out, or making larger contributions to anything the family has to input financially into. I'm a firm believer in paying my own way so sometimes we butt heads (in a friendly way!) over it, but they still do it every time - for me, and my siblings.. Anytime we've got into a discussion over it they insist that it's their job as parents and that we're still their children no matter what age we are.

Purely for context, they are financially well off - so this never leaves them short (and if it did I wouldn't even agree to be going out for dinner unless I was paying). But generally I don't believe that just because they earn more means they should pay for more. They do it because they don't feel their "children" should be buying dinner for them or treating them, and in turn we will do the same for our children some day.

It's coming from the right place, and as long as you are financially well-adjusted, fair and sensible then I think it's probably best to just respect their wishes. You're obviously not someone who's spoilt or milking their kindness so I don't think there's anything to worry about in this situation.