How to choose the most suitable qualified counsellor?

LegacyUser

I need to find an insightful and helpful qualified counsellor here in Dublin and I'm not looking forward to it because the last time I went to a few before I threw in the towel. It was dispiriting stuff, especially telling each one I would not be coming back. Is it possible that counselling is of no use? I keep hoping I'll have that cathartic breakthrough, but it never happens.


At any rate, I need to sort out things and my wife asked me would I find one so that's not a good sign. In particular, I'm quite overweight and have been since my teenage years and I have never been able to conquer this. I also have childhood things which I've never, ever talked about. I need to purge myself of this intensely so I can move on with my life. I have the next month off and I've private health insurance so if that could help, I would use it.

Where do I start this search? I'm male; is it best to look for a male counsellor or might a female one be better? And the big questions: what sort of psychologist/psychiatrist etc should I be seeking? What sort of treatment process should I be seeking? How do I know the answers to this before even seeing somebody, and once I visit them they'll surely want me to try whatever their specialist area is regardless of what most suits my needs.

Faith

So as you’ve discovered, ‘counsellor’ or ‘therapist’ are broad terms and are unfortunately not protected titles. This means anyone can put a sign on their door and claim themselves to be counselors without so much as doing a FETAC course.

It can be very hard to find the right person, so one option is to talk to your GP and ask for a referral or recommendation. If you’re looking for talk therapy, you won’t need to see a psychiatrist unless you want medication. I’m biased, but I always recommend seeking out a Counselling Psychologist or Clinical Psychologist - they have doctoral-level qualifications and you can be sure that they’re highly trained. I think the Psychological Society of Ireland (PSI) might have a directory on their website.

But I would say, if you find a potential therapist, call them up first and have a brief chat on the phone. Explain you’re searching for someone you have good rapport with, and use the phone conversation to see whether they seem warm, empathic, like they’re really listening to you, etc. Feel free to ask them about their qualifications and the styles of therapy they use. Regarding gender, there’s not much evidence that I’m aware of for seeking out a particular gender, but if you instinctively feel like you’d prefer one over the other, that’s fine. There’s emerging evidence about group therapy for men led by men, but in a one-to-one setting, I’m not sure it matters as much.

And it’s important to remember: that “cathartic breakthrough” has to come from within yourself. The therapist can guide you, but you already have the answers - it’s just a matter of getting access to them.

RhubarbCrumble

A personal recommendation can be good. The 'counsellor' I go to is a psychotherapist and I initially went to her as I knew someone else who had been and she came highly recommended. I had been to someone else before, but I felt that he did nothing except sit there and nod. Obviously they can't tell you exactly what to do, but the lady I go to now is much more interactive and will ask questions and sound out how I feel about things instead of just sitting there and saying "Umm, I see" a lot.

As Faith said, anyone can call themselves a 'counsellor' after just doing a basic course. Psychologist, psychotherapist, psychiatrist are different from 'counsellor'.

I see you mentioned childhood issues there. A lot of why I'm seeing a counsellor is due to childhood issues (among other things) and I've found her very good for this.

I'm don't think we're allowed to PM on personal issues and I don't want to go breaking any rules, so I'll just say I'm in Limerick if you're anywhere in that area and would definitely recommend the lady I go to see here.

SirChenjin

I think this thread is a good starting point:

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057956018

As pp said, your GP may be able to recommend someone.
Also have a look on the thread linked, see who is in your local area / somewhere that suits you, and what their specialities are.

It can be a bit daunting picking up the phone to make that first call, so don't let that put you off.

All the best.

Wesser

When you say telling ' each one ' that you are not coming back. This suggests to me that you have had several counsellors over years.

I think you should consider being up front about your childhood issues as if your counsellor doesnt know the full story then they are will not be able to help you. I think this is the root of the problem as oppossed to several counsellors being inadequate.

You will get out of your sessions what you put into it.

Geminigal

Where in the country are you based??... Sorry just saw Dublin...

There is a place in tallaght called crannog psychological services they have lots of different therapists who are just working up their hours or are nearly qualified. I got a recommendation to them from someone who found them great and I think they are great also. They do an assessment first to match you with a therapist.

Good luck

antix80

Did you ever spill everything to a counsellor about the childhood things, or are you being careful in what you say? I think saying it out loud will be half the battle and will help you counsellor equip you with the tools you need to get through it.

As for the overweight.. can you view that as a separate issue? It's too easy to pick something traumatic in childhood, or a life-changing injury, a divorce, or something just really, really unfortunate and then blame every problem that subsequently happens on that one incident. And you can talk to someone til the cows come home, but it won't help you to lose a pound of weight.

Bad decisions tend to compound and weight gain is no exception. It takes more to fill your stomach so you eat more. You are heavier and have less energy. Then you can do less exercise.
The good news is good decisions also compound. So make a positive, small change today. In addition to a counsellor to help you get your mental health together, you should consider contacting a personal trainer in the gym to improve your physical health.

chicorytip

therightfit wrote:

I need to find an insightful and helpful qualified counsellor here in Dublin and I'm not looking forward to it because the last time I went to a few before I threw in the towel. It was dispiriting stuff, especially telling each one I would not be coming back. Is it possible that counselling is of no use? I keep hoping I'll have that cathartic breakthrough, but it never happens.

The thing about counselling is you need to engage fully in the process. If you are not entirely committed, it won't work. You "threw in the towel", in your own words. A Clinical Psychologist may well be able to help you particularly if there are issues from your childhood you would like to discuss with somebody with a sensitive and sympathetic disposition. Your own GP should be able to recommend somebody.

LegacyUser

Thanks so far for the feedback. I've been doing some research so I've another few questions.

My insurer is VHI and they said that I would be entitled to 6 face-to-face consultations with a "counsellor" via the Employee Assistance Programme. This seems to be an external company which provides the service to many insurance companies, if I'm not mistaken?

Moreover, does anybody have experience of it? It seems that I will be contacted by a "counsellor" in 7-10 days but I wasn't asked what sort of issues I had so perhaps they would not have specialisation in those areas so that could turn into another long wait? Would there be any fully trained clinical psychologists there? Is it possible for me to contact somebody and see if they would accept me under the EAP? Outside the EAP, VHI will supplement me if I go to any other psychologist on the condition that they must be members of the Division of Clinical Psychology of the Psychological Society of Ireland.

I also checked to see if I could meet a consultant psychiatrist and I was told (by the Dean Clinic) there's at least a 3-month waiting list for private patients. That's way too late so I'll keep searching.

antix80

Op, you'll need to contact VHI to see what your plan covers.

You say you need to "purge" yourself and you want a "cathartic breakthrough". Have you explained to your counsellors that this is your goal? If you did, and they were honest with you they'd tell you this is not going to happen, and any attempt to "purge" issues will just make things worse for you. I think the psychology term for what you need is "integration".

It can be helpful to get the issues out in the open. That's during the first session with your counsellor where you spill everything and have a good cry, but that's only part of the process. You can't repeat that every week.

You're overweight. How is a psychotherapist going to fix that for you? Why are you trying to link your weight to an issue far in your past when it's something you could address now by (1) signing up with a personal trainer and (2) stopping overeating-possibly with the support of your wife who you already said is willing to help you? Those are practical steps and I don't know why you couldn't have reached these conclusions with any counsellor.

Have you discussed anti-depressants with your GP. They won't purge you of your problems, but they'll dampen you to them, and maybe anti-depressants in conjunction with counselling will allow you to move on from those issues in your past that are haunting you.

LegacyUser

OP, I don't know the answer to your questions but I would suggest trying out the counsellor that VHI offer and see how things go.

Your workplace may also have an EAP scheme which might be worth a try. I know, for example, where I work, the EAP scheme will link you in with a counsellor local to you.

You really won't know how things will go unless you make a start. Be aware also that six sessions might only be the start of a much longer therapeutic relationship.

I know, personally, how important it is that the client and therapist are a good fit and I absolutely agree in doing plenty of research, but at this stage I would suggest making a start when this counsellor contacts you.

Other than that, if there is a medical professional that you trust, e.g. your GP might be able to recommend someone, as has been previously mentioned upthread.

All the best.