Our sex life is zero

LegacyUser

I'm female and I'm with my male partner for two and half years. We are both early 30s and our relationship is perfect except for one aspect. Our sex life is zero. In the early days sex was fantastic but it began to slow down between us last year. This wasn't a problem for me. January was the last time we had sex together. There's been nothing since from him. He doesn't have erection problems. It looks to me as if he still has a sex drive but his drive is for solo business with himself.

This is crushing for me. We are not old, sick or disabled and there's nothing holding us back from sex but the sex is not happening.

Lately I've been seeing him and indeed our relationship in a different light. Without sex we are nothing more but just friends. It would be different if he had an issue with sex or his health preventing a sex life but there isn't. He still takes an interest in me and our relationship but the sex is absolutely dead. I now see him more as an annoyance, and a hindrance to my space and time.

It's difficult because he's a good man but I'm just not feeling it any more between us.

ginandtonicsky

Are you still attracted to your partner? Does he demonstrate attraction towards you? i.e is there intimacy there, kissing, cuddling, holding hands, him calling you beautiful etc.

Is your sex drive still the same? And when is the last time you initiated?

racso1975

unregheadache wrote: »

Without sex we are nothing more but just friends. I now see him more as an annoyance, and a hindrance to my space and time.

I'm just not feeling it any more between us.

The bits I left in seem the important part not seeing him as a friend if he's bugging and your last sentance clearly says you're feeling it anymore....

So do you really want to save this and as poster says have you tried discussing it or what happens when you try to initiate sex

amdublin

Try counselling?? But my honest advice is don't waste time if it doesn't change move on...unless you want bad sex life for the rest of your life (if you do that's ok but make a call)

FitzElla

Have you spoken to your partner about this? Does he have any idea how you feel?

If the answer is yes and there is no engagement or effort from him to improve the situation I would consider the future of your relationship. That doesn't mean you suddenly have to start going at it like rabbits, but making time for intimacy at some level and building from there is the minimum I'd expect.

If you have not spoken to him that is where you need to start. He could think your perfectly fine with the situation. Sex life for many couples slows down over time and it takes some effort from both people involved to keep it interesting. Have you tried taking the lead yourself and see how he responds?

Xterminator

Hi Op

you sound like you are ready to give up the relationship - but have you exhausted all other avenues 1st?

are you confident you wont have any regrets if you do end it? You could speak to him about the relationship and lack of intimacy & see if if he willing to work on it? you coud, work on rekindling the flame of the relationship, as i am assuming he does have positive characteristics that led you to be attracted to him in the 1st place?

I think that if you tried and it didn't work, you would have the satisfaction on knowing you tried to mend it before ending it. It would also be fairer on him - to give him a chance to fix what has gone wrong.

LegacyUser

Have you talked to him. ? Asked him why ? Have you not initiated sex with him ? Is he depressed ?

My wife used to only wait to have sex if I started but never initiate with me . I talked to her about it and things changed

SaltSweatSugar

OP that’s a tough situation to be in. Sex and intimacy is very important in a relationship.
Could your partner be under a lot of stress at the moment? How are things for him at work, with his family etc? Could there be something that’s on his mind or could he be under pressure in other parts of his life? Stuff like that can affect a persons sex drive and can cause a mental block.

Have you spoken to him about this?