How do I change things, no self confidence, lonely, sad

LegacyUser

I don't know what to even say. I'm 23, graduated from college in 2018 with first class honours in a relatively good degree. I'm gay which is something I have accepted for years now but still haven't come to terms with. I live in a house share in the city I went to college in. I barely speak to my family at home and whenever I do its only really to my mother and that's more so out of sympathy for her than anything else.

I have zero self confidence, hate so much about myself and just feel like I will never be able to be what I want to be.

I work in hospitality in a minimum wage job because its all I feel capable of doing even though in my head I know I can do more and should do more after going to college for 4 years. I had a job interview today for a job that pays nearly double what I currently earn and is related to by degree but I was so anxious I couldn't even leave the house to go to it. I feel trapped in this minimum wage job because of my own self-hate and doubt.

I feel so alone. I have one good friend but he's also going through a lot of stuff so it really feels now like I have no one to care about me. I don't know what's wrong with me.

I went to the doctor about 3 months ago and he gave me anti-depressants but they just made me extremely tired and clumsy so I stopped. And to be honest I can't even afford to be going to the doctor every so often because I earn so little and pay so much to live.

I spent the last 3 Christmas' alone and I know its only June but I'm already dreading this Christmas to come. It honestly is horrible and just makes the ordinary loneliness even worse.

I just feel like its never going to get better and I'm going to be filled with this hate and doubt and loneliness forever.

This post probably makes no sense and I don't even know what I'm trying to get from this I just need to get it out. I don't know what else to do to try and fix my life.

Graces7

higherlower1 wrote: »

I don't know what to even say. I'm 23, graduated from college in 2018 with first class honours in a relatively good degree. I'm gay which is something I have accepted for years now but still haven't come to terms with. I live in a house share in the city I went to college in. I barely speak to my family at home and whenever I do its only really to my mother and that's more so out of sympathy for her than anything else.

I have zero self confidence, hate so much about myself and just feel like I will never be able to be what I want to be.

I work in hospitality in a minimum wage job because its all I feel capable of doing even though in my head I know I can do more and should do more after going to college for 4 years. I had a job interview today for a job that pays nearly double what I currently earn and is related to by degree but I was so anxious I couldn't even leave the house to go to it. I feel trapped in this minimum wage job because of my own self-hate and doubt.

I feel so alone. I have one good friend but he's also going through a lot of stuff so it really feels now like I have no one to care about me. I don't know what's wrong with me.

I went to the doctor about 3 months ago and he gave me anti-depressants but they just made me extremely tired and clumsy so I stopped. And to be honest I can't even afford to be going to the doctor every so often because I earn so little and pay so much to live.

I spent the last 3 Christmas' alone and I know its only June but I'm already dreading this Christmas to come. It honestly is horrible and just makes the ordinary loneliness even worse.

I just feel like its never going to get better and I'm going to be filled with this hate and doubt and loneliness forever.

This post probably makes no sense and I don't even know what I'm trying to get from this I just need to get it out. I don't know what else to do to try and fix my life.

It all makes perfect sense as it is how you are feeling.
and thank you for trusting.

I am alone most of the time and have learned to eg go out into my small garden when it gets too much, go for a walk, a change of air. Do you have any interests? eg reading?

The smallest things can make a difference and break the mood up

I know we say this often but... Christmas alone can be appalling. Can you volunteer at eg a food bank or similar? At a meal where there are folk who also are alone? I used to get very low and lonely at these times. Old folk like me love younger company.

pinktoe

So many people feel lost after college, thinking how can I do this or that etc. remember when you start working your a graduate. Nobody expects the graduate to be an expert. In the course of two years you'll learn and move up the ladder. Don't be afraid of failing, it's what makes you smarter.

As for friends, it's way better being an introvert but if you want friends and self confidence why not join a boxing or martial arts class. Both will improve confidence and self believe and also make you less likely to take s**t from people.

Being gay doesn't limit anything. I don't introduce myself as Mr.x and I'm straight and if I'm talking to someone I don't care if your straight or gay neither does the company hiring you. If your family have a problem avoid contact.

If they don't have a problem, maybe make an effort to see them occasionally. Parents can be annoying but unless they are narcissists try have a little patience

Xmas is just a commercialized holiday, either spend it with family or watch a tv series/movie and pigout on trash food.

Any interest in Ps4? Pass a lot of time plus you've another thing to talk about.

Most importantly get another job. Even if your interview is a disaster so what. There's more than one company in Ireland

Good luck

Sheridan81

Stop hating yourself.

Nikki Sixx

I feel that you have issues to resolve with your family. That could be a start, to rebuild some family ties. I understand there could be issues around being gay, possibly with your dad. But it seems like you are suffering because of this lack of connection with your family. If you don’t like your job, quit it, especially if it is a minimum wage job. Think positively, you are 24 ffs. I’d kill to be your age. Ever think of going to Canada or some far flung place to work?

_Brian

Have you any interests or hobbies that you could join a club, just to enjoy something and share that with others.

It’s a great way to get away from problems and meet like minded people possibly building more friendships.