Cheating wife, divorce

noelm7110

ive been married for 12 yrs - 2 kids under 11. recently found out wife was cheating for 2 yrs with work friend. Tried patch it up but im miserable and want out. I always said kids should stay with mother and ill see them as much as she allows. The house still has 25yrs on the mortgage. I pay that every month, all of it but it is in both our names.
if she decides to keep being who she is and wants the house would I have to keep paying the mortgage for her to live there? what happens if I refuse?

antix80

This isn't the place for these queries unfortunately!

Don't agree anything with your wife just yet.

Don't move out of your home.
Have all your documents in order.. mortgage, loans, savings, pensions and investments in both your names. Make sure she has no access to your accounts (eg online banking) and ensure joint accounts require two signatories.

Get straight to your solicitor with as much documentation as possible. He can go through the next steps. There's a lot to agree, such as child support and visitation.

As for what if you refuse her demands.. it can end up in court. Which is why you need professional advice.

Don't rock the boat for the next few days. You need an exit plan. Your solicitor will help with that.

Berserker

Seek legal advice most importantly. Agree with everything the previous poster says about your accounts. Why is your wife not contributing to the mortgage?

ongarboy

OP - sorry for your troubles. What you're asking are huge questions that have massive ramifications as to what choice you end up making. Therefore, asking amateurs on the net for their advice on what to do is just too risky. Please go and see a solicitor immediately. If you are mentioning divorce in the thread title, then you are already considering a legal termination of your marriage, so therefore it is legal advice from a reputable divorce solicitor you need. They will be asking you dozens of detailed questions based on your particular situation for which they can give you the appropriate legal advice that best serves you.

sexmag

To answer your question in the simplest terms and not legal advice,if both your names are on the mortgage you are both liable for payment each month,whether either of you live there or not or 1 or both of you pay your share,the bank doesnt compare where the money comes from as long as its paid,also neither party can force the sale of a house while there are children living in the house unless mutually agreed. Simple as that really. Good luck op

LegacyUser

Please see a solicitor. A single consultation will cost you from €50 to €150 depending on the solicitor, best money you’ll ever spend in my opinion, but do write down a list of questions before you visit them. Now my advice, and not everyone reading this will agree with me but this is what worked for me but you will see the emotive responses from people who went down a different route.
1. Do not move out of the family home - being there gives you a powerful bargaining chip
2. Do not assume your wife is only parent who can care for your children
3. Keep communicating with her (even if you find it very difficult)
4. Do not loose your temper
5. Have a good solicitor
6. Listen to your solicitor
7. Try to reach an agreement for now.. not for 15 years time

...I was lucky, as a male I kept my children, my home & my income... many do not get to achieve this through no fault of their own

Keep sane & there is a good life beyond this... good luck & take care of yourself