Embarrassment

LegacyUser

Hello everyone. Your thoughts/views on this are greatly appreciated. Been suffering from binge eating disorder & slowly am beginning to fight the battle, its a slow process. I haven't seen a colleague of mine in a month & in that time I've gained a noticeable amount of weight. Have just begun to make changes in my life this week in relation to diet and fitness. Am terribly embarrassed to see her, its blatantly obvious I gained a lot of weight in a short period of time. We are due to meet Friday & am dreading it.....If I cancel, she will suggest a time to meet again.....

I've only myself to blame for the mess I got my body in. Any thoughts are most welcome & thank you for taking the time.

Panthro

Don't cancel. That's giving in. Go see your friend, they're probably looking forward to seeing you too!
It's great to hear your tackling the problem head on, but you're allowed to have a laugh with a mate too in between.
Lifes for living!

giveitholly

If she doesn't understand what you are going through or makes smart remarks then she is not a friend

never_mind

OP, people lose and gain weight quickly for lots of reasons not just through food intake or exercise. You could, for example, be on medication that has done that to you. I would own it and make it your business to say it yourself confidently. You could say ‘Sorry, just want to get this out of the way... I’ve gained some weight due to a bit of a health hiccup but it’s nothing to be concerned about and I should be back to myself soon’. Laugh it off then and change the topic. Simple.

OP she's unlikely to mention your weight. If she does, there's no need to dwell on it, just put it down to something that doesn't require a conversation (age, stress, working out more, or even just "yeah I've no idea"). Nip it in the bud and be a bit dismissive, to discourage her from probing further. Have a topic in mind to segue into, to turn the conversation on to her and distract her.

You've no responsibility to explain yourself to anyone, especially when you've fought to get where you are.

miezekatze

Is your colleague the kind of person who would judge you for this, or even remark on it? If not, I wouldn't really worry about it and I don't think it's something you should feel the need to explain to someone. People gain or lose weight all the time.

LolaJJ

Hey OP

As someone who also suffered with Binge Eating disorder I want to tell you....I get it and it's poxy, but there are ways to work through it.

I was DEEPLY ashamed (I also had bulimia but due to the volume of food I was eating my weight fluctuated in stones on a monthly basis) but when it came to the time that I got help, I had to open up to everyone and I couldn't get over how accepting and understanding all of my friends and family were. Honestly, people really do have your best interests at heart, carrying your ED around like it's something you should feel ashamed or embarassed of is doing nothing to help you.

All of the people you know are disordered in some way, maybe it's image anxiety, or alcohol, or neediness, or depression. We are all flawed, it just surfaces in different ways. You wear yours, and that's OK. People are more damaged than they seem and more understanding than your realise.

antix80

What do you mean by "colleague"?

Do you enjoy her company? Does she add anything to your life?

If not, regardless of your weight, maybe you should cancel. There is no point having someone in your life if you're just using her as a way of judging yourself.

If you're putting pressure on yourself to lose weight because what will this person think.. well, what about when other bad things happen in your life, relationship difficulties, health problems, financial setbacks, etc. It won't always be plain sailing and if you're worried about "checking in" with a person because you worry about being judged, well, maybe you need different people and different priorities in your life.

ginandtonicsky

A few things to consider:

1. She might not notice. It's very possible this is much, more bigger in your head than the reality of it. EDs by their very nature make you super judgey and super sensitive about ANY amount of weight gain, the likes of which is virtually unnoticeable to anyone else.

2. People are usually so wrapped up in their own insecurities that they're unlikely to notice things like weight gain anyway. I met a colleague recently who had probably gained 2 - 3 stone and literally did not notice. Another colleague pointed it out (in the vein of "I hope she's OK" btw) and I was like, "did she?"

3. And if she does notice. If she's a friend she'll be coming from a place of concern for your health and happiness rather than anything else. I've literally NEVER seen someone overweight and thought "jaysus she's so fat". Most ordinary decent people just want to know you're ok.

If it were me I'd leave it totally out of the conversation unless it comes up naturally. Buy yourself a new top, do your hair, get a new lippy or something and go and meet your friend and enjoy yourself. People with BED are notoriously hard on themselves and you deserve a break from that negative voice in your head.

LegacyUser

OP here...

Many thanks to you all for your insights & advice. Met colleague & had a nice catch up. No mention of my weight gain by either of us. Colleague probably noticed it but I certainly didn't feel it.

Now it's time for me to continue to tackle my binge eating disorder, my journey has just begun & I've a lot of weight to lose... Slowly my healthier self is on the horizon.

Thanks again for all your replies. Having that support gave me the push I needed. X.