Putting down for the night

Damiencm

We have a 14 month old girl who is fantastic in every way but we are having one huge issue...bed time is becoming a nightmare. My wife and I are close to our wits end.

It is probably our own fault but we rocked her to sleep in our arms until maybe 3 months ago, since then it has progressed to trying to get her to nod off in the buggy before transferring her to the cot.

Now the buggy is no longer working.

She has boundless energy and began walking at 9 months. She sleeps in a toddler sleep bag ( if thats the right name) and as soon as she learned to stand which seems like ages ago now, she was able to stand up in the bag. And therefore stand up at the side of the cot and throw out her soothers and anything else to hand.

We tried the whole leaving her to cry it out with different time intervals but all this seemed to do was lead her to having complete melt downs and prolong the process even further.

We probably gave up on this too early but from speaking with friends they seemed to have the advantage of their babies not yet been able to stand inside the sleeping bag. Even at 12 months.

General nap time during the day is 1 to 2 hours from 11.30 to 1.30

She normally wakes in the morning at about 7am.

She has a ferocious appetite and is well fed throughout the day. We aim for bed time at around 7pm with her last meal being a bottle at 6.30

Please help!!!!

cornflake1

I feel your pain. We have been there and still have bad nights with my now 32 month old!
We ended up bringing a chair into her room and we sit and read her stories there. Three stories and into the cot. Then sit and sing to her. We bought a soother strap so she could no longer throw the soothers out. She used to throw her teddy out and then cry for it so we would throw it back in but just keep singing and saying time to sleep. No chatting. She spent the first few nights kicking the wall. It took ages but eventually she would sleep. After a few weeks we chanced telling her we were going to the toilet and if she didn't cry stay outside the door listening. Some nights she might chat away to herself and drift off. Other nights we would go back in.
Do something really energetic about an hour before bed. No screen time before bed either. Hope things improve for you soon!

AEH1984

Hi Damiencm,

I could've wrote the exact same post. Weve a 16 month old who does the exact same, she used to sleep 7pm to 7am without a problem, then she started to wake at any hour, and we found it really tough to get her back down, sometimes taking hours.

Were finally starting to see the return of her sleeping through the night. The issue we have now is that shes not going down until half 9/10pm.

Kids eh? Hang in there and hopefully itll turn for you soon.

jlm29

As above, when we needed them to start settling themselves, we started putting them into the cot and sitting in a chair beside the bed. The first few nights were miserable, lots of tees, but stuck with it and it gradually ended.
One of mine was more difficult, I used sit at his bedroom door singing the wheels on the bus on a loop until he went quiet!

catrionanic

My older boy went through a phase of being super needy around that age. He wanted us nearby for comfort. So we would lie on the single bed beside the cot and pretend to be asleep, sometimes singing to him for a while at first. Eventually he would nod off and we would creep out. This went on for around 2-3 weeks and suddenly he was fine again. He had another spell of it a few months later, and another spell at around 19 months, but no problems since. He is 2.5 now.

She definitely isn't overtired, is she? She is young to be on one nap a day, especially given how energetic she is. Being overtired can make bedtime much more difficult too.

_Brian

We had a comfey chair beside the cot.

Regular bedtime 7:30.

Read a story from the chair and then held their hand until they fell asleep. Depending on the evening it took 20-60 minutes.

Never left them to cry, just felt wrong.

Never minded doing it, never regretted doing it. Did it with both girls.

They move beyond this stage so quickly it’s no bother at all. When one of us was doing this the other was off doing housework etc.

Loveinapril

You have described my 19 month old exactly at that age! We rocked him to sleep in our arms, then the buggy before just scrapping the whole thing. When he was about 14 months I think we just stopped the rocking. We cuddled after his bottle, said "night night" and left the room. He would stir and we let him stand up and throw his soothers/ chat. When he started whinging/ asking for his soother, we would go back in, give them back, lie him down and leave. No chatting at all. We could do this a million times. If he started really crying, we would pick him up for a cuddle, let his breathing return to normal and put him back in the cot. He got out of thr habit after a week or so but we just had to commit, some nights it would take over an hour but he learnrd that this was the new routine and we weren't for turning! We still fed him a bottle at 1am until he was about 16 months and had to go through the same process. He may still wake in the middle of the night once every few weeks now but we shush him and just let him know we are tgere but again if he cries we give him a quick cuddle and we put him down again.

shesty

Great advice.Let her at it!!You can't make her go to sleep, she has to do that herself.She stands up, that's ok.My little guy is 13 months, he stands too.Chucks his soother out a few times, throws a few shouts around.I sit on the landing and go in to him every so often.Or usually I am putting the others to bed so I go in and out.He drops off eventually.I would agree on the naps alright, she is a bit young to be on one nap a day.If he only has one nap in a day he is asleep by 7pm, bedtime starts at 6:30.

One thing, my youngest is fairly tranquil, but my eldest was (is) an absolute energiser bunny.She is exhausting.Wonderful but non-stop.Overtired was a major problem for her.And she never got grumpy or sleepy, she just got madder and wilder the tireder she got.Naps and an early bedtime were imperative for her.She was on two naps til nearly 20months then down to 1.She went through periods at bedtime of kicking the wall/side of the cot, standing up-we just kept going in every 5 mins to lie her down again-the works.It's just a repetitive, consistent approach on your part every night for a week or two to get her into a routine of going in her bed.Let her stand up,,give her five mins go in, lie her down.Repeat as needed.You can try sitting in there with her, see how it goes.Some kids get more infuriated by that, so see how she takes it.She has been going to bed in your arms or a buggy for her whole life so far, so she now has to figure out for herself how to fall asleep, so it will take some time.But she will get there.

Skybirdjb

My 11 month old always has at least 45mins to an hour of rolling , playing , standing and sitting when he goes to bed ! He's so energetic and full of beans all day . He throws everything out of the cot and then winge but I just leave him at it !
He does cry sometimes and I'm not a one that can leave him to cry so I just go up lie him down rub his head and then leave him at it again .
He's standing up in the cot as I type ment to be having a nap but he will go eventually

pwurple

On the sleeping bag... our lady learned to chuck herself out of the cot in that, like a bloomin pole vaulter. She could also get her toes into the corners and run in it. Just watch that she doesn't get out of the cot and hurt herself, it is possible if they are motivated!


We did the same as above at bedtime, story, chair beside the cot, and read a book until they are settled, mostly asleep. (I had a little clip-on book light). Say night night, and out the door.

I didn't hold hands, because it's impossible to detangle yourself then.

fitzparker

Our 13 month, just wont stay in the cot, we would settle her on our bed for around 7pm (settles fine) then when we go to bed around 11pm we put her into the cot. sometimes she lasts 2/3 hours sometimes she wakes straight away and cries, others you might not be asleep before she does, but as soon as she gets into our bed she is gone until 7am.

it's been like this the past 3 months, I haven't had a straight sleep, when she wakes we just put her into the bed with the wife and I go into our other kids room and sleep there.

what would people recommend to do to break this? its really getting to me not being able to sleep in my own bed some nights. I get up at 5:30 am for work so need my sleep!

shesty

You probably won't like my answer much, but I would get into the habit of settling her in her cot at 7pm, not your bed.Kids go through light sleep phases at night and can wake.Imagine being 13 months and waking up in a bed you aren't used to on your own in the dark?She is used to settling in your bed, that's where she knows how and where to go to sleep.She doesn't have that association with the cot.

You will probably have to discuss this with your wife because it will take a few weeks of hard work and your wife may be ok with her sleeping in your bed.

fits

They're only little for a small while. I co slept with the twins in a king sized bed until they turned 2. Then one moved out to his own bed and sleeps through but I still cuddle him to sleep. I join the other boy at 3 am most nights until he gets up between 6 and 7. Yes it is time consuming but Im sure they will grow out of it the same way they grew out of being fed to sleep.

Apiarist

7pm sounds way too early, so no surprise that a child would have a lot of energy left. My 20-month daughter goes to sleep at 10pm after a half hour walk, and wakes up at 8 am. She also has a 2-3 hour day sleep from 2pm. There is just no way she would go to bed before 9pm.

Milly33

Do ye give her a bottle before bed? or well best advice (went with the Gina Ford approach) get her dressed for bed and changed, in sleeping bag and all in a dimly lit room (in her room), or turn the light off after getting her ready for bed..

Then if ye are giving her a bottle give it to her then and relax her before bed no talking etc just keep it calm.. If no bottle just try and get her to chill for a bit in the dark before bed...

Blackout blinds are great too, work wonders...Could try letting a piece of yer clothing or something in the bed for her if tis a comfort thing might help her settle

aongo

I think most parents here feel your pain OP!
We have 2 boys, just turned 4 yrs and 19 months... our eldest enjoys his sleep (now!) and going to bed and now goes no problem - after stories, teeth brushing etc (but wasn't always the case!)
Our youngest lad is still being breastfed (though no longer predominantly) and we had all the bad habits of feeding to sleep etc...
As his Dad, when I put him down, I would have to lie with him and a bottle on our bed and cuddle him to sleep, then transfer without waking him (or start the process again) when finally my wife and I decided bedtime was getting too long and laborious and to make some changes.

The boys share a room, eldest in his cot bed, youngest in his cot, side-by-side with a locker between them... I/we have dinner, some wind-down time (no screens, generally no screen time anyway - just a bit of TV at the weekend if they are lucky) prep them for bed, wash teeth, goodnights and lights out and I read them stories by a small nightlight in their room while sitting on the floor between their beds with my back against the locker.

After stories, my eldest just turns over and goes straight to sleep and youngest is now quite calm and quiet, and likes to hold my finger through the cot bars as he goes to sleep... I keep it quiet and either shush him gently for a few mins, or tell him another story quietly and he drifts off within 5-10 mins with no fuss...

My wife and I are completely amazed and delighted, we have our evenings back together (we try get them down between 7-8pm as we feel they need it, any later and both get overtired and crazy)
Both are starting to sleep through the night more regularly, and both are easier settle back if they do wake in middle of the night...

The best of luck to you in your efforts - the days will come when the torturing is just a memory!!!

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Similar situation as yourself op, regarding times, sleeping bag etc.

We are changing sleeping arangements with our 15 month old at the moment. He used to go to sleep with OH who would feed him. Going cold turkey. No more breast feeding. He would take up to 90 mins to fall asleep which is a bit much.

I just lie beside him and rub his belly/head and he's asleep in a couple of minutes. Some nights are easy and some are hard. You just have to commit to it.

One thing i would say, i wouldn't leave him to cry himself to sleep. It's not helpful at all, for you or the child. Go to your child when she cries, you won't spoil her if that's what you were told, complete nonsense.

mirrorwall14

We are in the ignore and stick to the guns group and bedtime had to be started by 630 at that age for our four year old or he’d be beyond tired and wired.

Similar situation already with the 8 month old. He really wants to drop to two naps but bedtime then has to be by 630 or he’ll be up and down all night. We currently do bottle for him (because of his age) then into sleepsack and wind him while reading two stories. Then cuddle and down into the cot. Dodo pop as required while working upstairs. If gets very upset lift until calm then back down again. exact same routine as we had with our four year old and his bedtime has been excellent now for years so hopefully it works for this one too!

We do change routine if sick or teething a big problem and usually I’ll lie in beside him in the single bed until off in that situation. Also with teeth calpol an hour before bedtime is the optimum for us to help him get off