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Having to take care of parent...

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  • 11-06-2019 11:47pm
    #1
    DareGod
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,298 ✭✭✭


    Does anyone else find themselves in the position where they're practically solely in charge of taking care of a parent?

    I find it mentally exhausting.

    How do you cope with it?


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    #2
    jimbobaloobob
    Registered Users Posts: 5,153 ✭✭✭jimbobaloobob


    DareGod wrote: »
    Does anyone else find themselves in the position where they're practically solely in charge of taking care of a parent?

    I find it mentally exhausting.

    How do you cope with it?




    24 hours a day? personally its challenging and rewarding all at the same time. i like to think they paid it forward when i was young. Not sure where you could go for help with mental exhaustion though.


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    #3
    cruais
    Registered Users Posts: 1,559 ✭✭✭cruais


    Not solely taking care of my parents thankfully as they are of sane mind and body, however they are getting on.

    I'm lucky enough to live close by and ensure I call in every day just to chat and see do they need anything.

    Recently one parent was ill for 7 months and that obviously involved more attention. I didn't mind and still don't mind as when the time does come down the line that they pass away I will have no regrets.

    Never be afraid to ask for help if you're feeling snowed under. Do you have siblings that can share the load?


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    #4
    Beasty
    Administrators, Social & Fun Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 75,990 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Beasty


    Probably best asking my child


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    #5
    J Mysterio
    Registered Users Posts: 11,035 ✭✭✭✭J Mysterio


    I'd say it is very challenging, and respect to you for doing it.

    I don't think After Hours is the forum for this though.


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    #6
    nikkibikki
    Registered Users Posts: 1,226 ✭✭✭nikkibikki


    Is there any respite you can get through the public health nurse to give you a bit of a break?


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    #7
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Have you tried to get any outside help? Admittedly, the help that's out there for carers is disgracefully little but anything at all that can ease the burden is good. If you've not done so, speak to your parent's GP and get linked up with your local Public Health Nurse. Make contact with the Family Carers Ireland or an organisation related to your parent's issues. The thing is, even though your parent might not want you to to be going outside the family for help, you can't do this on your own. The time may come when you need to avail of respite or other services - it's better to be moving into the system now. And if you have other family members who are running to the hills, don't let all of them go. You'll find that some relatives are crap and will let you down. But others may pleasantly surprise you.


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    #8
    Emme
    Registered Users Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    jimbobaloobob wrote: »
    24 hours a day? personally its challenging and rewarding all at the same time. i like to think they paid it forward when i was young. Not sure where you could go for help with mental exhaustion though.

    Not all parents are the same. Those who say that caring is rewarding tend to have support from spouse, siblings and other family. Also the person being cared for may have been a caring and pleasant parent when they were younger. These parents indeed "paid it forward" but probably didn't see it that way, they just saw that as part of raising children.

    Those who really suffer while caring often have to do it all alone, have parents who are narcissistic/abusive and gave them a horrible childhood. These parents DON'T pay it forward but they never stop reminding the children of what they did for them - feeding, clothing, sending to school etc. Things normal people do for their children without thinking.

    Caring is NOT always rewarding and you certainly don't owe it to people who abused you physically and/or emotionally and/or otherwise. However some people still have to care for such parents either by choice or because there is nobody else to step in and help.

    OP if you are feeling burnt out do not let people who say caring is "rewarding" make you feel bad about yourself. Everyone's experience is different and it isn't for them to tell you how you should feel.

    If you can please get help. Talk to your GP. Is there anyone else in the family who could help? Ask them. The key thing is to admit that you need help and ask for it. If people think you are coping fine on your own they will leave you to it. I'm not saying help is easy to get but if you don't ask you won't get.

    It is imperative to ask for help because many carers die of stress related illness before the person they are caring for even though that person may be decades older.

    Good luck.


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