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Moving on from broken friendship

  • 09-06-2019 12:27pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I had a friend about 12 years who got married, emigrated, returned home, etc, so essentially I lost touch except for the odd facebook message.

    6 months ago we chatted on Facebook and arranged to meet for drinks. I'd like to say it went well but it was a session and a half and involved a bit of drama. Crazy stuff, not actually a fight between ourselves but some messing caused by him, inadvertently worsened by me, but no real harm done.

    We decided it would blow over and arranged things like meet for a coffee, a run, etc, and each time he'd say "I'll text you". But never returned calls and was clear he didn't mean it. And out of nowhere he blocked me on snapchat - which is his main link to friends as opposed to Facebook. Won't lie, it hurt.

    So, bit confused and sent a message to ask was everything ok with us, without mentioning snapchat. He said "yea grand really busy etc etc". And i sent a message or 2 since then which was ignored or left unread then deleted.

    And my hunch is - and was since we last met- is that he's trying to keep "ok" with me so he can float back in with some of our old group from years ago of which he was a blow-in that consisted of me, my brothers and a best friend of mine. Even going as far as taking some info from a message i sent him that he left unread, didn't reply to, and later used it in a convo with my friend who then told me "i met your friend up in the gym, he was saying that you..."

    So i figured, this guy isn't my friend. And i felt calm and like i could move on. Til of course I'd a few drinks and sent him a slightly vindictive text. And boom, blocked on messenger and whatsapp, and unfollowed on insta. But weirdly, still friends on Facebook. Which proved my point about only having the appearance of friends for 3rd parties.

    That was months ago. i want to move on. I sent him a text saying "am i wasting my time, will we be friends like before" .. he wrote back "we are friends - (laughing face)". I replied asking him to unblock me. He did for whatsapp, not for snapchat. Lo and behold, sent a message a few days ago and it remained unread and ignored. Most likely deleted from the main screen.

    I've no problem saying the guy is nuts and so am I. I know i wasted a lot of effort worrying and trying to fix things with someone who really doesn't care about me or wants to know me. And I'm writing this for closure as much as advice. Can i really just block out the feelings of betrayal and being taken for an idiot?

    I'm not looking for revenge but I also don't want to reward the guy. Is it petty to tell my brothers and my friend that I haven't been friends with this guy for 6 months, I'd rather they weren't either, or if they are at least don't talk about him to me, or me to him? It's a bit upsetting still for my brother to tell me stuff he saw from this guys snapchat as if i am friends with him.


Comments

  • #2
    Batgurl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,208 ✭✭✭Batgurl


    Yes that would be terribly vindictive and would probably lower you in your friends esteem.

    I don’t understand why you seek this guys friendship or approval so much OP. Do you have low self esteem issues generally?

    I’d focus on trying to have a rich fulfilling life in my own right and stop worrying so much about what other people think of you.


  • #3
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,091 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    let him go op.
    you need good friends not someone like this. stop messaging him. it just makes a person look desperate and needy.
    take care


  • #4
    leggo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    Yeah OP this reads as a bit obsessive tbh. I mean if you were in a relationship or something, I’d kinda understand because he essentially ghosted you, but it’s a friend you didn’t really keep in touch with that much to begin with. So that has me thinking is it more psychological issues around abandonment or something that’s after setting you off here. Either way, the issue isn’t that big, your overreaction is huge, the need for revenge isn’t great and I’m guessing your mate saw some of this which played into his decision. So dig deep into why this bothered you so much and you might get some peace. Leave this lad alone whatever the case.

    Having said that, you’re pretty vague with some aspects of the story, so there could be something in there (and the reasons behind you not saying it) that explains everything.


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