Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Worried about sex.

Options
  • 07-06-2019 9:26am
    #1
    Red Lightning
    Closed Accounts Posts: 378 ✭✭


    So basically I'm looking for advice on safe sex. I'm 25 and a male and have only been really intimate with one woman. We didn't have vaginal intercourse but we done other stuff without protection which resulted in me worrying a lot about unplanned pregnancy. I suffer from OCD which means I get intrusive thoughts. This woman didn't get pregnant but the incident scared the life out of me and it's been a year since I've been that close to a woman.

    I've been chatting a woman online and she's spoken about how she wants the meet for sex. I'd love to personally but I'm terrified of the risk of pregnancy or STI's. I'm ok without vaginal penetration but I'm still worried sperm could get into her somehow. ATM, I nearly feel it's worth leaving any sexual contact until I'm with a woman that I could see myself having kids with in case something did happen. Also with regards STI's, what's the best way to prevent them. I know a lot of people my age don't take anywhere enough precautions such as dental dams for oral sex with a woman. One woman I mentioned that to said something along the lines of 'No, we don't need that, sure I'm clean'.

    Any advice? Thanks


Comments

  • Options
    #2
    oLoonatic
    Registered Users Posts: 375 ✭✭oLoonatic


    Is this a joke??? If not, Look up a sexual education program.


  • Options
    #3
    .Charlo
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 335 ✭✭.Charlo


    Dental dams? What the hell?


  • Options
    #4
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Have you ever worn a condom? Do you know how to put them on properly?


  • Options
    #5
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Seeing as you can't even ask out women you know without analysing it to death, I don't think this is wise. Despite your previous experience, you're still a virgin and there's a real risk this might not go well for you. Lots of people's first times aren't anything to write home about and you sound like the sort of fella who could fall at the first fence. Would it not be better to work on yourself and wait until you meet a woman who likes you and who you can be honest with?

    As for pregnancy, there's always a risk. Condoms when used properly are pretty reliable. Do you know if this other woman is taking contraception herself?


  • Options
    #6
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    OP no contraception is 100% safe. But the risk of failure when used properly is very low.

    This link goes over the various contraceptives and their effectiveness:
    https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/how-effective-contraception/

    If you are having sex with someone who isnt a long term partner whose safety you are sure about, you should always wear a condom. Often for casual hook ups two different types of contraception are in place - the woman may be on the pill or have an IUD and you should wear a condom. This decreases the risk of pregnancy and also keeps you safe from STIs.

    Its a good idea to have a chat with someone you are having sex with about what their thoughts would be if they DID happen to fall pregnant.

    Most people of your age are having sex and not worrying too much about pregnancy or STIs.

    Its not wrong to be worried about these things, but its a good idea to put the risks in perspective. Its not usual to avoid intimate contact at all because you are so worried about pregnancy or STIs. Yes, there are risks. But there are things you can do to make those risks extremely low.

    There is a middle ground between practicing unsafe sex without ever considering risks and worrying about it so much that you never have sex with people. You need to find that middle ground.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #7
    wiggle16
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,022 Mod ✭✭✭✭wiggle16


    Hi Red Lightning.

    Your first thread in PI was also about this topic and I recall you got pretty comprehensive advice on that thread. I can send you the link to it if you like, since the forum isn't searchable.

    To be honest, you would be better off getting advice on this from the HSE website, there is a section specifically devoted to sexual health and it is reliable. In addition you have no way of knowing if the advice you will get from posters here is accurate and reliable or based upon common urban myths and misinformation, no matter how well intentioned it may be.

    Edited to add: I think you need to focus on getting more of a handle on your OCD, somehow. The intrusive thoughts and overthinking are not going to go away no matter how much reassurance you seek - as you know yourself the nature of OCD means it finds a way around even the most water-tight guarantees that nothing will go wrong. I think you should start there.

    As a result, since it has been broached before I am going to close this thread.


This discussion has been closed.
Advertisement