I want to be content with my lot

Clockpics

Going anonymous for this one.

I've realized recently that I'm always looking for something different in my life. Like a great career, better education, new hobby. I don't stick at any of them for long.

I'm a very happy person I have an amazing husband I run a somewhat successful business I have fab kids and we we are financially stable and healthy.

But I'm always looking to the next thing. I never really achieve any of the goals I set out to. I started a new business and I found it too stressful so I gave it up, I was obsessed with buying a holiday house in Spain I just wasn't brave enough to make the move, I decided to do leaving cert maths again and I gave up the list is endless I'm so unsure if what I want and why I want it!!

I'm just wondering how I can be happy with my lot.

Part of me thinks it's because I run our family business and I didn't really achieve it on my own. The other part think I'm a dreamer and not competent. Then there's the part that thinks I'm torn between career and famiy.

But I really want to be content with what I have. I'm not one to look over my shoulder at others, which brings a fair bit of contentment but there's always something niggling at me.

I keep having big ideas and never follow through on them fully before I'm onto the next idea!! It's like my mind is blocking something out!

What should I do. Sometimes I feel like I need to go to someone to work it out. But what am I looking for? A career coach, a pyscologist, a good chat with friends. I'm lost. Thanks on advance for the advice.

Wesser

I would advise you to do a mindfullness course. you learn how to be content in the moment.

ManOfMystery

Have you considered it's not that you're not content with your lot as such, but that you love the buzz and excitement of a new idea or project? The problem is, once you're engaged in the project that fantasy translates into hard work and this is where many people fall off the saddle.

My in-laws are very much like this, financially stable and great kids and so on but always looking to do something or buy something then not following through. Since taking up some new hobbies to better focus their energies they've curtailed this a bit.

Sorry about that

Hi op, you sound like a pretty happy and well balanced person, who just likes to try new things. There are so many people who'd love to dip their toes into the things you do, but lack the confidence and end up feeling disappointed. I admire your energy and enthusiasm!

As for the family business- you're working, you're paying tax, and you're a trustworthy employee, everyone wins. Good luck in your next adventure! (Wish I was a bit more like you in this regard).

Clockpics

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Have you considered it's not that you're not content with your lot as such, but that you love the buzz and excitement of a new idea or project? The problem is, once you're engaged in the project that fantasy translates into hard work and this is where many people fall off the saddle.

My in-laws are very much like this, financially stable and great kids and so on but always looking to do something or buy something then not following through. Since taking up some new hobbies to better focus their energies they've curtailed this a bit.

I think you could be onto something. I've a shoulder injury at the moment and can't do my hobbies so I think that might have something to do with it. I need exercise urgently!

Defo need to focus the mind on what I want and can achieve.

Clockpics

Wesser wrote: »

I would advise you to do a mindfullness course. you learn how to be content in the moment.

I think that would be good too

tusk

100% agree with mindfulness. I began doing it about this time last year and it really did change my life and my outlook. I react much less. My temper is way down. I think I've probably gotten angry once since I started. Like someone said above, it allows you to learn to stay in the present and experience things as they happen. Whether it's a good thing or a bad thing is irrelevant in the grand scheme - it's how you feel about it.

There is a great little app - Insight Timer which has a huge amount of free meditations on it. There's also a free 7 day beginners course to introduce you to it. Each in the course is only about ten mins so very doable.

Clockpics

tusk wrote: »

100% agree with mindfulness. I began doing it about this time last year and it really did change my life and my outlook. I react much less. My temper is way down. I think I've probably gotten angry once since I started. Like someone said above, it allows you to learn to stay in the present and experience things as they happen. Whether it's a good thing or a bad thing is irrelevant in the grand scheme - it's how you feel about it.

There is a great little app - Insight Timer which has a huge amount of free meditations on it. There's also a free 7 day beginners course to introduce you to it. Each in the course is only about ten mins so very doable.

Thanks. I know mindfulness is great and I keep saying I'll do it, maybe now is the time.

I'm just looking up holiday houses this weekend, know full well I won't get one!!

Dreaming is great though, maybe it's what keep me so positive.

Cos I'm a ver calm person and am positive but I just feel less me there's something missing.

Thanks for all the advice

Emme

OP could it be that you have it too easy in life? Maybe you haven't told us the tough bits you have gone through to get where you are today. Many people are happy with less than what you say you have. You're dreaming about holiday houses - thousands of people would be happy with just one house or even a secure rental. You have an amazing husband - many people are single and would love a partner. You have fab kids - many people have children who are sick or disabled. You have a successful business - many people are dealing with bankruptcy.

Would you consider giving some of your time once or more a week volunteering with homeless people or with a children's charity? Volunteering can be very rewarding and is great for helping to get your own problems in perspective.

pheasant tail

OP, if you have access to Netflix I suggest you watch a very good documentary called Happy. It shows the different values people have across the world, how we are so motivated by extrinsic goals and what really actually makes us ‘happy’ etc etc. It also talks about mindfulness as some have suggested above. Might help you gain some perspective, all the best!

seannash

Sound a lot like me.
I have a feeling of being capable of so much more but no idea what.
I stay interested in new things just long enough to be more knowledgeable than the average person but not long enough to be an expert.
All my experiences seem to be great experience for some job in the future that I simply don't know how to get to.

My advice then is.... Not sure to be honest, you're not alone.
Are you fearful of picking something only to bow out when it gets into the boring parts of it?
If so then I think that's fairly common.

Just reread your OP again. One thing I've heard is that the act of telling people what you plan to do is what stops a lot of people from doing it because you get a slightly watered down feeling of success by just announcing your plans and have people ooh and awww over them. You don't need to actually fully achieve them and the motivation goes
If you do tell people your plans I'd suggest stopping doing that.

Clockpics

Should you not put things out to the world, they're more likely to happen then?

Clockpics

Emme wrote: »

OP could it be that you have it too easy in life? Maybe you haven't told us the tough bits you have gone through to get where you are today. Many people are happy with less than what you say you have. You're dreaming about holiday houses - thousands of people would be happy with just one house or even a secure rental. You have an amazing husband - many people are single and would love a partner. You have fab kids - many people have children who are sick or disabled. You have a successful business - many people are dealing with bankruptcy.

That's precisely my point shouldn't I be content with what I have. I can see how much I have and I don't understand why I'm not happy.

Charity not really my thing, I'm going to sound terrible but I'm very suspicious of it. I give money to very local causes and am good to elderly neighbors.

seannash

Clockpics wrote: »

Should you not put things out to the world, they're more likely to happen then?

No that's not it.
Probably best if you take a quick look at this to explain what I mean. It's not long

https://www.ted.com/talks/derek_sivers_keep_your_goals_to_yourself?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare

seannash

Just to add, this may not solve the feeling of not being happy with your lot but it may keep the momentum going long enough to have you see through and achieve one of your plans in the future

Emme

Clockpics wrote: »

That's precisely my point shouldn't I be content with what I have. I can see how much I have and I don't understand why I'm not happy.

Charity not really my thing, I'm going to sound terrible but I'm very suspicious of it. I give money to very local causes and am good to elderly neighbors.

Volunteering is giving your TIME, not your money. It can be a very positive and enlightening experience. Yes, some charities are not entirely honest but that is not my point. My point is that you might benefit from the experience of volunteering.

RobAMerc

OP - I am a bit like you.

I never seem to be happy with my lot (despite being happy go lucky ), and am always looking at the good stuff others have and not the sh1t they may have to put up with. I also look at my own sh*t without taking the time to recognise how good I have it.

Its lead me to jeopardise the great stuff I do have on a whim, and despite the near misses, instead of stopping to take stock of how good I have it, I just carry on to the next fad.
I think I have to try mindfulness, there has got be something out there to slow my brain down !