Invite to ceremony and afters of a wedding.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Is this a new thing?

A friend, who lives in Dublin, has been invited to a wedding in Kilkenny but only to the ceremony and to the evening part. Two of her friends have received a similar invite but another friend has been invited to the ceremony, meal and reception. So the others have to slope off somewhere for several hours, amuse themselves and then go on to the hotel for the dancing/music part.

I thought this was strange. I've heard of it happening in the UK (and may even have posted about it) but a couple of people I know said they've heard of this happening is Ireland as well.

I can't say I'd be too keen to get an invite like that.

UrbanFret

Reyna Old-fashioned Palate wrote: »

Is this a new thing?

A friend, who lives in Dublin, has been invited to a wedding in Kilkenny but only to the ceremony and to the evening part. Two of her friends have received a similar invite but another friend has been invited to the ceremony, meal and reception. So the others have to slope off somewhere for several hours, amuse themselves and then go on to the hotel for the dancing/music part.

I thought this was strange. I've heard of it happening in the UK (and may even have posted about it) but a couple of people I know said they've heard of this happening is Ireland as well.

I can't say I'd be too keen to get an invite like that.

Tell them to piss off.

Allinall

Reyna Old-fashioned Palate wrote: »

Is this a new thing?

A friend, who lives in Dublin, has been invited to a wedding in Kilkenny but only to the ceremony and to the evening part. Two of her friends have received a similar invite but another friend has been invited to the ceremony, meal and reception. So the others have to slope off somewhere for several hours, amuse themselves and then go on to the hotel for the dancing/music part.

I thought this was strange. I've heard of it happening in the UK (and may even have posted about it) but a couple of people I know said they've heard of this happening is Ireland as well.

I can't say I'd be too keen to get an invite like that.

I always thought the ceremony was open season, and anyone could attend.

I would just regard it as an invite to the afters, and act accordingly.

Know of lots of people who were invited to the afters, but went to the ceremony, then the pub and then the afters!

DEFTLEFTHAND

I think they just attend the evening afters and skip the morning ceremony.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Allinall wrote: »

I always thought the ceremony was open season, and anyone could attend.

I would just regard it as an invite to the afters, and act accordingly.

Know of lots of people who were invited to the afters, but went to the ceremony, then the pub and then the afters!

Only if it's in a Church, as far as I'm aware.

UrbanFret

I always looked on this as an insult. "You can come in the evening for a few sandwiches, oh and make sure you send a present". You're either for the wedding or not.

valoren

The old "Come to our wedding but don't be expecting us to pay for a meal for you except for the cocktail sausages and crap sandwiches doled out during the afters which everyone get's and we'll happily take the card with the money in it from you if you're really that gullible" approach?

c68zapdsm5i1ru

UrbanFret wrote: »

I always looked on this as an insult. "You can come in the evening for a few sandwiches, oh and make sure you send a present". You're either for the wedding or not.

I can see the sense in an evening invite if you're inviting a load of colleagues, or the gang from the rugby club or a group of neighbours you're on friendly but not super close terms with. And in those circumstances I don't think you should expect anything other than a token present.

But picking and choosing between individual friends and expecting some people to travel a fair distance to attend bits and pieces of the day seems a bit off to me.

JeffKenna

UrbanFret wrote: »

I always looked on this as an insult. "You can come in the evening for a few sandwiches, oh and make sure you send a present". You're either for the wedding or not.

It depends on the relationship with the couple to be fair. I once got asked to the afters as a group of my friends were going. I'd only met the groom twice so I thought it was a nice gesture.

'Come for the really boring bit, go away for the fun bit, come back for the sandwiches and tae when we're already half cut.'

'No thanks, mum!'

EmmetSpiceland

You earn the meal after you’ve suffered the ceremony, if I’m not getting a proper three/four course feed there is no chance I’m going to any ceremony.

Just give me an “afters” invite if that’s your game. Crazy to expect people to waste their own time on your ceremony if you’re not going to feed them.

suicide_circus

that type of wedding invite is the golden ticket ie: one you can decline and they cant get annoyed - if they really wanted you there they would have given you a full invite

JohnnyFlash

Irish wedding invites are like getting a summons. A good funeral is better than a bad wedding and costs nothing only the price of a few pints.

ted1

valoren wrote: »

The old "Come to our wedding but don't be expecting us to pay for a meal for you except for the cocktail sausages and crap sandwiches doled out during the afters which everyone get's and we'll happily take the card with the money in it from you if you're really that gullible" approach?

I don’t think people going to afters are expected to bring a gift.

ted1

ted1 wrote: »

I don’t think people going to afters are expected to bring a gift.

Hmm, not as much as the full thing, but yeah... I think a present is 'expected'.

salmocab

Afters invites as said are for the likes of the lads you know through sport but maybe aren’t really pals outside of Sunday afternoons on the pitch. The only afters invites we did were for my mother in laws old woman’s club, about 12 or so of them. We organized them a minibus down which brought them home too and a few others.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Deleted User wrote: »

Hmm, not as much as the full thing, but yeah... I think a present is 'expected'.

Yes, I think some kind of present is the norm, but not a cheque for €100 in a card.

major bill

OP,

Is the bride a bit of a princess??? how up your own hole do you have to be to expect someone to travel to Kilkenny, book accommodation and tell them you can come the church but not the meal??

I'd tell her to **** off

freshpopcorn

ted1 wrote: »

I don’t think people going to afters are expected to bring a gift.

They are but you'd get away with €50 or a set of glasses!

.......

hmmmm...plate lickers invite with a twist.

Definitely not.

DEFTLEFTHAND

Deleted User wrote: »

Hmm, not as much as the full thing, but yeah... I think a present is 'expected'.

50euro in an envelope will do them.

Gimme A Pound

Getting insulted by an invite to the afters is over sensitive imo. It tends to be people who aren't close friends - usually colleagues or friends of friends - but the bride and groom like them and want them to be there in some capacity. They can't invite everyone to the full thing. Surely it's nicer than no invite?

They're not expected to bring a gift - certainly not a "full wack" one.

Gimme A Pound

major bill wrote: »

OP,

Is the bride a bit of a princess??? how up your own hole do you have to be to expect someone to travel to Kilkenny, book accommodation and tell them you can come the church but not the meal??

I'd tell her to **** off

They didn't reply to your question yet as to whether the bride is a bit of a princess. And maybe it was the groom's idea? Maybe it was both the bride's and groom's idea?

It's a silly approach though. Just saying come to the afters is enough.

freshpopcorn

Afters invites used be fine years ago.
You often had a couple from the same area getting married in a local hotel.
So, the people that were asked were living close by.
However I know of a couple both from the same town and they invited about 200 to the afters(Sandwiches, sausages,etc) and it was nearly three hours away.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Julien Hallowed Report wrote: »

They didn't reply to your question yet as to whether the bride is a bit of a princess. And maybe it was the groom's idea? Maybe it was both the bride's and groom's idea?

It's a silly approach though. Just saying come to the afters is enough.

I don't know the bride. It's a friend who got the invite. I think she's meant to be okay but my friend isn't too keen on the guy she's marrying. Bit of a show off, apparently.

major bill

Julien Hallowed Report wrote: »

They didn't reply to your question yet as to whether the bride is a bit of a princess. And maybe it was the groom's idea? Maybe it was both the bride's and groom's idea?

It's a silly approach though. Just saying come to the afters is enough.

Yer right where is my manners, the groom could be the princess.

The afters is fine once the distance to it isn't too far, think an afters invite to Kilkenny for people travelling from Dublin is a bit meh,

Need more info to have a right witch hunt here, how close are these people? friends/colleagues etc.

Potential-Monke

I love this, who said you're expected to bring a present/money? If I was invited to the whole thing, I'd maybe do it. People look at me weird, but I don't give anything to people getting married. As far as I'm concerned, I was invited for being a friend to the two (or 1 of them at least). Went through a phase there of a wedding a month at one stage, shur no one can afford that. Now, I just let them know I'm not religious but would be delighted to attend the afters.

If people need to make money back on a wedding, then they're doing it wrong. The best wedding I've ever been to had no church (civil), 30 minutes and done. There was only about 20 of us in total. Then onto their favourite restaurant for a meal, and it's brilliant to have a choice of more than 2 things tbh. They paid for it for the 20 odd of us. Finally, they had booked the penthouse of a hotel, and hosted the afters there. About another 15 turned up, but no more than 40 in total. It was lovely. I did give this crowd a few bob, but that's because he was, and still is, a very good friend, but they didn't expect anything at all. It cost them €3500 total.

People need to get over this extravagant display of 'love' that they deem to be a wedding. I've just been invited to another one, and I'm dreading it as it's the classical wedding, so a day of waiting about. You want a big fancy wedding? Go for it, but don't expect people to pay for it. Just my opinion, and one that is shared by the vast majority of the people I call friends. World's a changing!

.......

Julien Hallowed Report wrote: »

Getting insulted by an invite to the afters is over sensitive imo. It tends to be people who aren't close friends - usually colleagues or friends of friends - but the bride and groom like them and want them to be there in some capacity. They can't invite everyone to the full thing. Surely it's nicer than no invite?

Id prefer no invite.

Plumbthedepths

Got a few of these types of invitations. Makes it so much easier to turn down and the amount of money I save I can spend on a couple who value my presence.

topper75

suicide_circus wrote: »

that type of wedding invite is the golden ticket ie: one you can decline and they cant get annoyed - if they really wanted you there they would have given you a full invite

Yeah - the perfect out.

"Sorry I can't make it - hope ye have a lovely day down there though"

*internal emphysema Mutley laugh*