I'd like to stop being a highly sensitive person

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Going anon for this.

I'm a highly sensitive person, and I hate that about myself. I get upset at things that most other people just take in their stride.
When I say upset, I don't outburst or get annoyed or bring it up or anything, because I know I'm just upset/hurt because I'm just being sensitive and not rational.

But keeping quiet and just sitting with this emotion is really hard lately. I don't feel I can talk to anyone about it cause I just feel weak and pathetic talking about it.

I don't know how to fix this. I really wish I was unemotional.

Has anyone experienced this? Gotten any improvements?

Thank you

wiggle16

Obviously you don't have to if you don't want to, but could you give an example or two of something that makes you upset that you think shouldn't affect you? Is it being sensitive to things people say, or is it sensitivity to things not going your way or?

I only ask because it's hard to tell if you are in fact a bit too sensitive or you are the same as everyone else but don't realise it.

Everyone has their own tolerances and thresholds for upset. I could have someone roaring at me down the phone at work and it wouldn't bother me much at all, but if I thought one of my work colleagues was a bit off with me it would bother me and I would lose sleep over it.

Again it's hard to advise without examples... but in general, you shouldn't stress the stuff you can't control.

More importantly, don't bottle things up! Why are you being quiet?? Talk to someone about it. Even if it's only a trivial thing, call a friend and tell them about it. You will feel better about it - having to put words to something to convey it to someone else can put it into a different perspective to the way you think about it in your head, can help you vent, and you might end up laughing about it after the fact. A problem shared and all that

Wanderer2010

Hi OP,

First I would like to say I do feel your pain. Im a sensitive person myself and its not an easy state to live with. But if I have learned anything about myself, its to 100% accept myself as I am. Being sensitive is who you are, it make you different from everyone else and I guarantee you the more you try and force yourself to try and just shrug off things, not feel empathy etc you are only storing up a whole bunch of unprocessed baggage down the line. I know that sounds corny but you need to ask yourself why it is you view sensitive as bad? Is it the people who you work with, your friends, your family?

Maybe they just don't understand people who are sensitive and this is frustrating to you. I know personally I can sense other peoples strong emotions very much, be it happiness, despair, anger, malice or kindness, its almost like a color that people give off and I can see it. Just like your eye color or your height, being sensitive is who you are. I cant get a good sense of why it is you feel its so negative from your post, I would think about talking to a counseller about these feelings and where they come from. I hope you see that people who are sensitive are no better or worse than everyone else, you just need to be at more peace with yourself. Good luck OP.

SHELDON88

I'm highly sensitive too op & feel your pain. I could have literary wrote the same post a year ago. Have hated myself for so long, tried to change myself for so long. Spoke to counsellor at length about it but at the end of the day i just needed to accept it was me. I think you need to do the same. Its hard but if i can do it so can you.
I'd also recommend the book 'the highly sensitive person'

SHELDON88

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1559723505/ref=tmm_hrd_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1559770360&sr=8-1

milli milli

OP speaking as a highly sensitive person myself, I once went to a counselor to ask them how I could toughen up, because feeling things so much and so deeply was too overwhelming. I hated it, but the counselor taught me to embrace that part of myself as it was a big part of who I was.
Now I see my sensitivity as a gift. Yes you feel all the really bad feelings very deeply and for much longer than other people, BUT you also feel the good things much more intensely too and you experience the world in ‘high definition’, you see, hear and feel things that often a lot of people miss.

So if you can focus on the wonderful aspects of your sensitivity. And for me personally, I sometimes have to do visualization techniques (like imagining a protective shell around me), around certain people or situations. I hope that doesn’t come off as airy fairy, but I just imagine that anything hurtful just bounces off the shell; in other words I don’t let anything ‘in’.

Also realizing that other people aren’t as sensitive as you, so the way they behave doesn’t always mean they are trying to hurt you. Most people would be horrified to think that what they say, could really hurt another person.

And misunderstanding from other people is another thing - you will hear that ‘snowflake’ term bandied about, which is very damaging (not just for highly sensitive people, but for anyone talking about their feelings). Just know that people are different and we all process things differently and have different perspectives. It’s great when people get to a stage where we try to understand each other. That’s the kind of people I hang out with now.

ILoveYourVibes

Act like a Robot and you will eventually feel like a Robot.

Xterminator

Hi Op

I want to be 6 foot tall, 20 years younger and slim!

But the point i'm making is you can wish something was different, or you can learn to make the most of what you have. One strategy is pointless and will make you miserable, and the other is positive, and can lead you on a path to acceptance and hopefully fulfilment.

I too have read the highly sensitive person, and found it was well written and has good suggestions for coping and redirecting your energies, and ever more focus on learning to accept who you are and love yourself, rather than wishing to 'fit in' better.

If this affect you deeply you may find you need CBT therapy. But i wouldn't jump straight to that step (unless you think you really need it). Read the book, see does it resonate and develop your own strategies for dealing with life.

but most of all be kind to yourself. allow yourself to feel what you do without beating yourself up over it.

biko

A psychologist should be able to help you not internalise things you cannot control.

suicide_circus

i think thats a good goal to have OP. in a world in which emotional incontinence is lauded and even actively promoted, i for one would like to see more stoicism and emotional fortitude in society. Maybe seek out professional help and ask for help building the mental tools to live life the way you want