Hooked up with colleague, he lives in Toronto

bitofabind

Hi folks.

I spent a few days in Canada visiting my work's HQ recently. while over there I bumped into a guy I used to work with before i moved department.

I've always been attracted to him, but on my last visit was in a relationship so obviously thought no more of it. This time we ended up alone during a drinks thing, went to another bar together and he kissed me as i was waiting for a taxi outside. Totally out of the blue! I honestly didn't see it coming.

He asked me if I was around the rest of the week and texted me the next day, we met for dinner, more drinks and more kissing etc. I was a little tipsy and remember asking him when was he coming to visit me over here he said he might have a conference my way in the next few months, when was I back in Toronto, etc. He texted a few times over the next few days but my conference was busy and before I knew it I was back on a plane back home.

Now here's the thing, I can't stop thinking about him. He's texted me a little here and there ever since, usually when something work related happens and we get into a bit of over and back but I get the sense he's not a big texter and i don't know if it's "out of sight, out of mind" to him now. He did say "I need to look into dates for coming over there" and added me on Instagram, watches all the Instagram stories and all that lark (jesus how millenial do i sound!!)

Anyway. I feel like given the distance and the relative lack of contact since, it's a lost cause but another part of me is like, "what if..?" He did express clear interest in me while I was there and we have so much in common and god i just fancy him so much.

What do people think? Lost cause, take it as a casual fling and move on?

Augme

I'd take it as a casual fling and if anytging else happens great. For me the distance would be far too much to consider anything other than casual. In saying that, some people just aren't good as casual either so if you don't think you are then best to avoid it.

Don't go into it with an attitude of "oh it's casually but I actually really want more" as chances are you will inly get hurt.

leggo

I think what’s happening here is you’re more looking for validation that you weren’t just used and discarded than really wanting anything to happen, whereas he’s been realistic.

And, realistically, what awaits you here beyond disappointment? It’s not that long-distance relationships can’t work, it’s just that there generally needs to have been an actual relationship that happened to make it worth dealing with how difficult the long distance end of it is.

It’s easy to romanticise and idealise stuff like this. I remember I was on a solo holiday and met a girl from the Caribbean on a day tour/excursion thing. Because the excursion took us to all these fancy places, we had possibly the most perfect impromptu first date ever, culminating in a kiss on the top of a boat as the sun set. It was awesome but then reality kicked in that I was going home the next day and she lived thousands of miles (and euros in flights) away, so that was that. We swapped details and she tried keeping in contact for months afterwards. I got it, it’s tough to get a moment like that off a random on Tinder in your local town where you know and have been everywhere already. But I’m just another guy ultimately, as imperfect as the rest and probably not worth the hassle it’d take over forsaking those other, realistic options, and really there was no evidence to say that I’d be any more compatible with her than anyone else. But she idealised that perfect moment and I seemed perfect to her as a result, if anything the distance only helped that because she couldn’t really learn otherwise. I could see all of that, whereas I don’t know if she could. It didn’t reflect how I felt about her or that moment, didn’t mean I wouldn’t be interested if it was realistic, it just was what it was. That might be similar to what’s going on here and worth keeping in mind.

bitofabind

Hey thanks guys, really insightful posts. I think I have romanticised things a bit as it was this big city moment, unexpected, someone I'd liked for a while who suddenly reappeared, so unexpected...easy to let the brain go to that place. We were texting a little over the weekend but it's died off on his end now so I'm sort of taking the hint.

I think I'm someone that does get very invested when the physical stuff starts (even if it was just some innocent kissing and handholding) so I'm going to have to try to keep the head and take it for what it was.

I met another guy at the conference I went to who was obviously quite into me and is texting every day (must've been something in the water, don't have this level of success with Irish guys!), he's also gorgeous but my head is just fixated on work colleague dude, go figure.

Onwards and upwards anyway. I might see him again if he ever makes it over here or if I'm back at the company HQs in the future, but I might never see him again too so important to keep things in perspective.