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trouble at the Inn

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  • 03-06-2019 9:27pm
    #1
    Miss anxiety 89
    Registered Users Posts: 7 ✭


    Hi there. My relative is staying in a women's refuge at the moment. Shes much younger than the rest and very naive. She's had no problems so far (4 months in) but recently an older (35 year old) resident has been taking advantage of her, making her take care of her children, and doing strange, vindictive things like buying her clothes and then when my relative says she didn't want them or would return them, she said she had already thrown the receipt away.. She's constantly in contact with my relative on all social media platforms and is also asking her to buy things like milk and things for her children and babies... I warned my relative that she sounds like a dodgy character and to steer clear but my relative didn't see the danger (she's only 19 and like I stated above is very naive. She's into fashion and the like so this wouldn't be spotted until a situation like this.) but a few days ago it has blown up big time. She was in a communal area when this woman asked her to mind the children while she was in the bathroom, my relative needed the toilet herself when she hadn't returned as quick as she said she'd be, my relative used another bathroom. The children were in a communal area with other residents. Next thing this woman sends my a barrage of abusive and threatening text messages over it, saying she was going to report her to the higher ups and get her thrown out, and that she could "get really nasty" to my relative so upon hearing all this I tried to call the person to rectify the situation. She didn't answer the phone and I didn't send any text messages after. She then said she was going to report me making contact as it jeopardises her safety. I completely understand the danger and connotations of an "outsider" making contact, but it was in the heat of the moment, and I regret it now. I'm worried my relative will be thrown out and made homeless over this woman. She's a horrible piece of work and is getting the other residents to gang up on her and I feel really sick about It. I'm not able to help her with a place to stay as I'm in a hostel myself, at the grand age of 44 I'm not of any use to her finance wise.. so I'm really worried she will end up homeless. I feel powerless against the system, I've told my relative to write down all the incidents in chronological order, as proof of this bullying, but I'm worried the higher ups will not see how the situation really is, and believe this horrible woman. I'm at a loss as to what to do, so any help or guidance would be of great assistance to me, thank you in advance


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    #2
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    I am not sure if this is at all practical advice but you seem so desperate to help her.


    Tell her to avoid all of them and keep to herself.

    She should keep things to herself too. Keep her head down and private.

    Its best to keep to yourself in homeless shelters.

    These women will not be there forever.

    Don't believe this woman's threats though.

    Your relative has to turn her back on conflict.

    This actually happens a lot in homeless shelters so much that people don't feel safe in them and runaway.


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    #3
    corner of hells
    Registered Users Posts: 8,365 ✭✭✭corner of hells


    Miss anxiety 89 wrote: »
    Hi there. My relative is staying in a women's refuge at the moment. Shes much younger than the rest and very naive. She's had no problems so far (4 months in) but recently an older (35 year old) resident has been taking advantage of her, making her take care of her children, and doing strange, vindictive things like buying her clothes and then when my relative says she didn't want them or would return them, she said she had already thrown the receipt away.. She's constantly in contact with my relative on all social media platforms and is also asking her to buy things like milk and things for her children and babies... I warned my relative that she sounds like a dodgy character and to steer clear but my relative didn't see the danger (she's only 19 and like I stated above is very naive. She's into fashion and the like so this wouldn't be spotted until a situation like this.) but a few days ago it has blown up big time. She was in a communal area when this woman asked her to mind the children while she was in the bathroom, my relative needed the toilet herself when she hadn't returned as quick as she said she'd be, my relative used another bathroom. The children were in a communal area with other residents. Next thing this woman sends my a barrage of abusive and threatening text messages over it, saying she was going to report her to the higher ups and get her thrown out, and that she could "get really nasty" to my relative so upon hearing all this I tried to call the person to rectify the situation. She didn't answer the phone and I didn't send any text messages after. She then said she was going to report me making contact as it jeopardises her safety. I completely understand the danger and connotations of an "outsider" making contact, but it was in the heat of the moment, and I regret it now. I'm worried my relative will be thrown out and made homeless over this woman. She's a horrible piece of work and is getting the other residents to gang up on her and I feel really sick about It. I'm not able to help her with a place to stay as I'm in a hostel myself, at the grand age of 44 I'm not of any use to her finance wise.. so I'm really worried she will end up homeless. I feel powerless against the system, I've told my relative to write down all the incidents in chronological order, as proof of this bullying, but I'm worried the higher ups will not see how the situation really is, and believe this horrible woman. I'm at a loss as to what to do, so any help or guidance would be of great assistance to me, thank you in advance

    Your relative should have a key worker in the refuge , she should speak to her first , bullying in women's refuges in never tolerated.
    Four months is a long time, is it definitely a refuge ?


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    #4
    corner of hells
    Registered Users Posts: 8,365 ✭✭✭corner of hells


    ILoveYourVibes wrote: »
    I am not sure if this is at all practical advice but you seem so desperate to help her.


    Tell her to avoid all of them and keep to herself.

    She should keep things to herself too. Keep her head down and private.

    Its best to keep to yourself in homeless shelters.

    These women will not be there forever.

    Don't believe this woman's threats though.

    Your relative has to turn her back on conflict.

    This actually happens a lot in homeless shelters so much that people don't feel safe in them and runaway.

    I work in homeless hostels its unusual for people to abandon placements. It doesn't happen a lot.
    The OP is or seems to be talking about a refuge.


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    #5
    Dirkziggler
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 948 ✭✭✭Dirkziggler


    corner of hells wrote: »
    I work in homeless hostels its unusual for people to abandon placements. It doesn't happen a lot.
    The OP is or seems to be talking about a refuge.

    This is true. If a Service user gets a placement in an STA they are very rarely abandoned. Those who stay outside the services I.E sofa surfing, Tents choose so due to their own choices


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    #6
    Miss anxiety 89
    Registered Users Posts: 7 ✭Miss anxiety 89


    corner of hells wrote: »
    I work in homeless hostels its unusual for people to abandon placements. It doesn't happen a lot.
    The OP is or seems to be talking about a refuge.

    Hey, I am indeed talking about a refuge (women's) my relative has spoken to management about this girl in particular since, and upon advice from myself and other family members has given back the clothes she didn't want /Ask for, the girl complained but has since piped down after ruffling a few of the staffs feathers by not adhering to rules, so seems to be settled down (for the time being anyway)


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    #7
    Miss anxiety 89
    Registered Users Posts: 7 ✭Miss anxiety 89


    ILoveYourVibes wrote: »
    I am not sure if this is at all practical advice but you seem so desperate to help her.


    Tell her to avoid all of them and keep to herself.

    She should keep things to herself too. Keep her head down and private.

    Its best to keep to yourself in homeless shelters.

    These women will not be there forever.

    Don't believe this woman's threats though.

    Your relative has to turn her back on conflict.

    This actually happens a lot in homeless shelters so much that people don't feel safe in them and runaway.

    Thanks for your advice, I have told my relative to keep well away from all the girls in there because the bully started to use them against her, noticing she has become friendly with one girl and then alienating her from the "group" by **** stirring and making up lies, wont be long until she's out of there, got news today thank god!


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