Difficulties with Ex

Hi

So i am male and have 2 kids by my ex partner.

When we split there was the obvious bickering.

The agreed access was i have kids every friday night and every second saturday night. it more suited her and thats only reason she went for it.

I agreed to pay 150 a week.

a few months later she was looking for more money, so i upped it to 200 despite it squeezing me. I worked overseas so brought home money which i invested and its like its being held as a stick to beat me with now.

everytime she asked for a hand with like painting, repairing things, assembling i obliged just to keep the peace.

Then i started getting constant phone calls that had nothing to do with the kids I put a stop to this recently as it was becoming too much with her offloading her stress and anxiety onto me. She got the hump over this and then wanted separate birthday parties. i said fine.

Then recently she needed to get a babysitter on Fridays till i collect the kids, she was demanding half the babysitter cost and i said no as i am paying her 200 a week. Again got the hump. Then she wanted me to keep them till 6 on the sundays i have them instead of 3, so i said no to this as well as i have loads to organise for the week ahead. She had previously changed job and i agreed to drop them off later but as soon as i agree to anything its soon forgotten about and its onto the next thing with her.

So it all came to a head and she rang my mam and started off loading on her. Telling her not to say it to me but i wouldnt even take the kids for an extra 3 hours on the sunday and she had to sort out all the babysitting on her own cos there was no help from my side. Then was telling my mam she may need to go to court cos she hates all the arguing and confrontation and not to tell me about the court thing.

i havent had a holiday in 2 years cos everytime i ask for a weekend its constant arguing and being told its my responsibility to sort out child minding on my access despite me offering last year to take the kids for a week so she could go on holidays.

She keeps blurting out i am weekend daddy and only have them for 6 days a month which is totally untrue and i have them about a third of the time.

I knew something was brewing as i recognised the cautiousness with her replies of late.

I told her a year ago, because she was giving out about having no time, to get a full time job and get a child minder, that way she'd have her weekends, but she wouldnt hear of it and would rather play the constant victim.

I have a feeling a court summons is coming, i have thought i have been more than reasonable. She has finally agreed to 3 weekends in the year 2 of which is mandatory for work and the 1 for a holiday. She then demands at xmas i have my kids longer.

It seems to me its all take and no give. at this stage i am not afraid of court, if court is fair then i dont see how they will think i am the unreasonable one

What are your thoughts

endacl

How are your kids handling it?

endacl

endacl wrote: »

How are your kids handling it?

They are young so don't know it's going on

Theres plenty more to the exs story that I wont get into here, basically plays all nice in public but has caused a lot of damage to people and caused division. Wont get into it here as i don't want it identified

chprt

My heart goes out to you, and the ex and the kids.

Theres probably 3 sides to all these stories, yours the exs and the actual story in the middle somewhere.

Can i suggest you get onto Dolphins house asap (google them)and look to get in for mediation, keep a record of all emails and texts and try keep face to faces to a minimum until you can both be civil.

Good luck with it all, its a very stressful time for everyone but try remember to keep civil and well behaved for the sake of the kids.

all the best Paddy

chprt

chprt wrote: »

My heart goes out to you, and the ex and the kids.

Theres probably 3 sides to all these stories, yours the exs and the actual story in the middle somewhere.

Can i suggest you get onto Dolphins house asap (google them)and look to get in for mediation, keep a record of all emails and texts and try keep face to faces to a minimum until you can both be civil.

Good luck with it all, its a very stressful time for everyone but try remember to keep civil and well behaved for the sake of the kids.

all the best Paddy

Thanks paddy

I agree theres my perception, her perception and the middle
I just feel it's a case of give an inch and taking a mile. Very frustrating and feels like it's a major control thing with her.

Don't want to wish the childhood years away but its daunting knowing I'll be dealing with this for a very long time

tedpan

Deleted User wrote:

They are young so don't know it's going on

What age are the kids, sounds like a sad, stressful situation..

tedpan

tedpan wrote: »

What age are the kids, sounds like a sad, stressful situation..

3 and 4

She has an older boy who is 10 and she has completely cut off that father from the childs life, think he just gave up in the end

tedpan

Deleted User wrote:

3 and 4

Deleted User wrote:

She has an older boy who is 10 and she has completely cut off that father from the childs life, think he just gave up in the end

Jesus, very sad You've got a lot ahead of you. Hopefully things become easier soon..

BarryD2

'Eaten bread is soon forgotten' - old cliche but often applies in life. You seem to be making a reasonable effort unlike some fathers who just feck off completely. But would you be happy if the childcare arrangements were reversed? Maybe think of it that way too.

tedpan

tedpan wrote: »

Jesus, very sad You've got a lot ahead of you. Hopefully things become easier soon..

I'd like to think it would but I've a feeling its only the start

She's already going behind my back with the school after we had agreed on the first choice. She had signed voluntary guardianship for both when things were well and I'd be entitled to it anyway with new laws. I've been looking it up and I should sign school papers also, not sure how it holds up though

BarryD2

BarryD2 wrote: »

'Eaten bread is soon forgotten' - old cliche but often applies in life. You seem to be making a reasonable effort unlike some fathers who just feck off completely. But would you be happy if the childcare arrangements were reversed? Maybe think of it that way too.

I hear you but she chooses to stay at home and then complains about it. Between my maintenance and child benefit she gets €265 a week plus whatever she is claiming and working Friday and Saturday.

I suggested working during the week but she wont have it, it's easier to complain than to make a plan. It might sound harsh but it's like a broken record getting abuse from her about it constantly. I work full time and have my kids all weekend, I also have them for a few hours on a Tuesday after work. I don't complain, I just get on with it, it's become my life.

It's frustrating when i request a weekend to myself and the answer is always no, I haven't had a holiday in 2 years cos its constant no and then arguing

Ringing my mam and trying to frighten her is crossing the line

C28

Have you considered going for mediation to discuss the maintenance and access?

Ruairi.g

I did that mediation craic a few years ago, waste of time! If she is constantly moaning and changing her mind, she will continue to do so after mediation, you need some kind of court order with defined access and maintainence, otherwise she will continue to come back to you!

It’s a very sad situation for all involved!