anxious

LegacyUser

Hi All,

Just wanted to go anon for this one because too many people on here know me and I'd rather it this way.

I had a VERY short lived fling back in September which lasted over a few weeks, nothing sexual. Texting, a few coffees and kisses. Anyway I saw traits that I didn't like. Obsessive and controlling behaviour towards me and caught him out on a lot of lies. He took it upon himself to look into my past relationship and got information about it but refused to tell me where he got it. ( Nothing I didn't know already)
He also began with a lot of love bombing and was very over the top with his feelings pushing them on to me and expecting the same in return. When he wasn't getting this he got angry and abusive texts began. I called quits on it. He wasn't happy. Since then I have avoided him and not seen him for almost 6 months. he says he's giving me time "to think" and that he's waiting for me. I get random texts here and there but I've ignored but I have since heard that he has told me people in his work he was in a full on relationship with me for months and that he's heartbroken, cant eat or sleep etc...

I recently got back with my ex bf but this is making me feel so uneasy. I don't know what he's saying to people. He doesn't run in the same circles but he knows people I know and I don't want lies like that spread about me. 6 months later and he's still talking about me to people. Although I have heard he's also chasing other girls.
I don't want to contact him as speaking to him makes me feel instantly anxious. Plus his abusive outbursts before were far from pleasant. This is just weighing heavily on my mind constantly and I don't know how to handle it. I've just come back from a lovely 2 week holiday to another text from him saying "thinking of you" and it just completely ruined my day.

Any advice?

Thanks everyone.

wiggle16

On a practical level... ignore, delete, block. Everything. Disconnect from him on any social media you have - myself I think having a social media presence at all is a bad idea when this happens to people, so it would be no harm to reduce it if you can.

With people like this, every time you respond to them, whether you're saying "please leave me alone" or "FÚCK OFF!", it just feeds it. It's contact obsession, he's built your fling up into something it wasn't in his own mind and every interaction with you will be twisted into the narrative. The best thing you can do is simply not react to any of it. Anything else will just give it oxygen.

Make people aware that you and this guy had nothing going on - no one needs to know what actually happened, but they shouldn't be under the impression you were in a relationship either. If people approach you to tell you what he's been saying, make it clear to them that it's BS and ask them not to tell you anything more about what he's saying unless they think you might be in some danger from him, and request that they don't engage with him in conversation about you if possible.

If the tone of his messages does change or he becomes more intrusive, report it to the Gardaí. For now I don't think there would be much point in doing that, as he's not doing anything illegal. How frequent are the messages though?

If it were me I would make my partner aware of it also, if you haven't done already. The last thing you want is for some of this to get back to him from someone else, or for this freak to contact him out of the blue.

Try not to think about it. He will eventually move on to someone else if you ignore him for long enough.

Church on Tuesday

Farfromcalm wrote: »

Hi All,

Just wanted to go anon for this one because too many people on here know me and I'd rather it this way.

I had a VERY short lived fling back in September which lasted over a few weeks, nothing sexual. Texting, a few coffees and kisses. Anyway I saw traits that I didn't like. Obsessive and controlling behaviour towards me and caught him out on a lot of lies. He took it upon himself to look into my past relationship and got information about it but refused to tell me where he got it. ( Nothing I didn't know already)
He also began with a lot of love bombing and was very over the top with his feelings pushing them on to me and expecting the same in return. When he wasn't getting this he got angry and abusive texts began. I called quits on it. He wasn't happy. Since then I have avoided him and not seen him for almost 6 months. he says he's giving me time "to think" and that he's waiting for me. I get random texts here and there but I've ignored but I have since heard that he has told me people in his work he was in a full on relationship with me for months and that he's heartbroken, cant eat or sleep etc...

I recently got back with my ex bf but this is making me feel so uneasy. I don't know what he's saying to people. He doesn't run in the same circles but he knows people I know and I don't want lies like that spread about me. 6 months later and he's still talking about me to people. Although I have heard he's also chasing other girls.
I don't want to contact him as speaking to him makes me feel instantly anxious. Plus his abusive outbursts before were far from pleasant. This is just weighing heavily on my mind constantly and I don't know how to handle it. I've just come back from a lovely 2 week holiday to another text from him saying "thinking of you" and it just completely ruined my day.

Any advice?

Thanks everyone.

Sounds like you had a lucky escape there OP.

Regardless of what he may say to people that you know, they know you best so they will naturally take your word every day over his.

I wouldn't give him another thought TBH, he's a needy abusive clown who blew his chance.