Should I ask him out?

SBM111

Theres a guy at work I have liked for a while now. I was planning on building up a rapport and getting more comfortable before asking him out, but he told me a few weeks ago he is leaving soon. I didnt know when exactly until he asked me last week what days I was working next week as this week was his last and he is finishing Thursday. I would really like to get to know him more outside work but now with such limited time my only option would be via social media as I dont have his phone number.

But my friend said I shouldn’t because he hasn’t asked me already. She said I run the risk of looking stupid because we haven’t actually flirted as such at work and if he was interested he would have made an effort. What do you guys think?

TheUnderfaker

Yes you should

cruizer101

You'll regret it if you don't and you don't even have to worry about awkwardness if he says no as he'll be gone.

Kidchameleon

Ask him out

zapper55

Definitely do it.

kg703

Give him your phone number when he leaves and say you’d like to catch up again outside of work?

wiggle16

SBM111 wrote: »

But my friend said I shouldn’t because he hasn’t asked me already. She said I run the risk of looking stupid because we haven’t actually flirted as such at work

I don't know where your friend is coming from there. The onus isn't on him to approach you first. You won't look stupid, don't mind your mate.

This is an ideal situation OP. He's leaving. If you get turned down, he will be gone in a while so the awkwardness will be minimal. If he reciprocates, happy days. If it's over social media for the first while, no harm in seeing how that pans out.

I say go for it. Good luck!

MartyMcFly84

100% do it. You have nothing to loose he has left/leaving the office anyway, so even worst case he says no you would hardly ever see him if ever again.

As a man, I would prefer women make their interest known a little more clearly sometimes. At times it can be very hard to tell. Besides there is a good chance he never did the asking because you were in a work environment in the first place.

ManOfMystery

He could be shy, or one of these guys who insists on professionalism at work (no flirting etc), etc. Numerous reasons - doesn't mean that he might not like you, so ignore your friend.

As said above, you've really nothing to lose here ....... he's leaving anyway so any potential embarrassment (if he says no) on your part will be short-lived. And if he says yes, then you don't have to worry about mixing personal/business or seeing too much of each other all the time.

Him leaving could be a good catalyst for asking the question, you could say it's a shame you won't be seeing much more of each other and would he like to go for a drink outside of work some night?

zoobizoo

Ask him where his leaving drinks are on....

If there aren't any: "that's a pity... would you like to meet for a drink sometime soon? here's my number".

If there are leaving drinks, you could go along to that, flirt a bit and then ask the same question.

cannotlogin

Do it. On the very rare chance your friend is right and you look stupid as she says, who cares the chances of seeing him again are slim.

In a situation where you have more to win than lose, you should always go for it. Regret what you do rather than what you don't.

Church on Tuesday

Go for it, if you don't ask you won't receive.

As a man I'd love for a woman to come up to me and ask me out and trust me, most men would be of the same opinion.

If he's not interested, who cares? he's leaving anyways.

Unanimous

SBM111 wrote: »

Theres a guy at work I have liked for a while now. I was planning on building up a rapport and getting more comfortable before asking him out, but he told me a few weeks ago he is leaving soon. I didnt know when exactly until he asked me last week what days I was working next week as this week was his last and he is finishing Thursday. I would really like to get to know him more outside work but now with such limited time my only option would be via social media as I dont have his phone number.

But my friend said I shouldn’t because he hasn’t asked me already. She said I run the risk of looking stupid because we haven’t actually flirted as such at work and if he was interested he would have made an effort. What do you guys think?

Suggest a team night out/send off to the wider team.
Most offices do this. That way you will know how you feel after the night out.
Secondly, don't underestimate communication via social media.
No harm dropping a message when you see an activity on his page.
Just ask how he is getting on in the new place etc. if there is a connection, you can then arrange to meet up for coffee.
I will not advise you to ask him out. you don't need to. Take it slow and show subtle but evident interest. if he likes you, he will start to reciprocate.

Up Donegal

SBM111 wrote: »

But my friend said I shouldn’t because he hasn’t asked me already. She said I run the risk of looking stupid because we haven’t actually flirted as such at work and if he was interested he would have made an effort. What do you guys think?

Perhaps he's a shy chap or has no confidence in himself. Perhaps he might have asked someone out before and was refused. Perhaps he thinks that he's not the type of person you would be interested in. Perhaps he's waiting for what he considers 'the right time and place'. But remember also, he might just see you as a workmate and friend and not someone he would have any romantic interest in. Having said that, I think you should ask him out. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. The worst he can do is say 'no'. As someone else has posted, since he's moving on from his present job, any awkwardness or embarrassment if he should refuse would be at a minimum.
Whatever you decide, the best of luck to you.
Remember, there's plenty of other fish in the sea.

Red Lightning

Definitely ask him out. If he's leaving, it's no risk and all gain.

abarkie

Life's too short - go for it

SBM111

Ok guys update- he came to my department this evening and asked could he add me on Facebook. We spoke for a while about his plans etc and before he left he said if I am ever in the city he is moving to go let him know. So could this indicate he may be interested? What should I do now about arranging a meet up?

Church on Tuesday

SBM111 wrote: »

Ok guys update- he came to my department this evening and asked could he add me on Facebook. We spoke for a while about his plans etc and before he left he said if I am ever in the city he is moving to go let him know. So could this indicate he may be interested? What should I do now about arranging a meet up?

He's very much interested, just ask him!

SBM111

What if he was just being polite and saying it to everyone?

Church on Tuesday

SBM111 wrote: »

What if he was just being polite and saying it to everyone?

He asked if he could add you on Facebook and asked if you happen to be in the city he's moving to if you would like to essentially meet up.

Granted he might be saying the same things to other people, but I highly doubt it. Ask him out. You have nothing to lose now.

If you don't feel comfortable asking him in person then add him on FB and ask him on that. If he says no, or has some wishy washy excuse then no harm done; it's him that suggested FB in the first place.

Don't be afraid. I know it's a bit scary but if you don't ask, you won't receive, believe me.

SBM111

We started messaging on FB last night just general things (I messaged him) he said once again to let him know when I am in his new city I said I would. I didn’t ask him out because he is going back to his home country tomorrow for three weeks so I wouldn’t be able to see him until then anyway. Should I wait until a week or two then maybe message to see how the holiday is going and ask to meet then before he starts his new job??

LazySamaritan

SBM111 wrote: »

Theres a guy at work I have liked for a while now. I was planning on building up a rapport and getting more comfortable before asking him out, but he told me a few weeks ago he is leaving soon. I didnt know when exactly until he asked me last week what days I was working next week as this week was his last and he is finishing Thursday. I would really like to get to know him more outside work but now with such limited time my only option would be via social media as I dont have his phone number.

But my friend said I shouldn’t because he hasn’t asked me already. She said I run the risk of looking stupid because we haven’t actually flirted as such at work and if he was interested he would have made an effort. What do you guys think?

As others have said ask him.

No reason at all why you should feel silly regardless of his answer. And you might regret not asking him.

And he might not be asking you out for the same reasons you are hesitant to ask him out.

EDIT: Okay I came to this thread late but honestly from what you describe it could be that he is as interested in you as you are in him.

I don't know how far apart you both live or how it would work but why not try?

SBM111

Thank you, and I will I’m trying to build up to that. But since he’s going away on holidays for three weeks is there any point asking today? I was thinking of messaging him in a week or two see how his holiday is going and asking then if he wanted to meet when he gets back? As he already told me to tell him when I am in his new city I could use that?

vargoo

SBM111 wrote: »

We started messaging on FB last night just general things (I messaged him) he said once again to let him know when I am in his new city I said I would. I didn’t ask him out because he is going back to his home country tomorrow for three weeks so I wouldn’t be able to see him until then anyway. Should I wait until a week or two then maybe message to see how the holiday is going and ask to meet then before he starts his new job??

Be careful with being penpals and things getting ruined.

How far away new city?

Ask him/video chat.

You can revert to messages after.

LazySamaritan

SBM111 wrote: »

Thank you, and I will I’m trying to build up to that. But since he’s going away on holidays for three weeks is there any point asking today? I was thinking of messaging him in a week or two see how his holiday is going and asking then if he wanted to meet when he gets back? As he already told me to tell him when I am in his new city I could use that?

I'd have the same doubts and hesitation as you.

In fact, I even half regret posting in case my advice is bad. :P I was starting to wonder where the guy is from, etc.

I'm in an odd dilemma with relationships myself so I shouldn't be giving advice probably, but I usually regret not doing something and rarely regret doing something.

Big Bag of Chips

SBM111 wrote: »

But my friend said I shouldn’t because he hasn’t asked me already. She said I run the risk of looking stupid because we haven’t actually flirted as such at work and if he was interested he would have made an effort. What do you guys think?

By exactly the same token his friends could tell him exactly the same thing.

Ask him. It's a very brave thing to do and even if he says no you've lost nothing. He seems to like you. Making sure he's going to see you before he finishes etc. Lots of relationships start off as friendships first. Ask him.

Church on Tuesday

SBM111 wrote: »

We started messaging on FB last night just general things (I messaged him) he said once again to let him know when I am in his new city I said I would. I didn’t ask him out because he is going back to his home country tomorrow for three weeks so I wouldn’t be able to see him until then anyway. Should I wait until a week or two then maybe message to see how the holiday is going and ask to meet then before he starts his new job??

Yeah, you can wait a week or two, like another poster said you don't want to fall into the trap of pen-pals just yet. He won't forget about you believe me.

Or you could ask him in a couple days time or whatever, but do ask him within this time-frame and asking about the holiday is a perfect way to set that conversation up.

Good luck!

Katgurl

I'd just send a message "I hope you've a good trip home. If you fancy going for a drink when you get back let me know. Here's my phone number..."

Then forget about him. He either gets in touch or not.