Should I contact sister?

Jenneke87

Hi all,

A couple of months ago I fell out with my eldest sister. We used to get along really great and we had really good times together, but she would also often make hurtful remarks. Even after repeatedly asking her to stop, she kept going at it. For instance, she would say that I " walk like a grandma" (courtesy of a car accident and sometimes needing a cane for longer distances). When she went shopping for a wedding dress me and some other relatives came along and we took a picture of all of us in the shop with her in the dress. She later pulled out the picture to say that I looked like a square shape wise in my clothes (is was a cold winters day so I was wearing warm clothing). After I took her out to a day at a spa we were waiting at the busstop. When it came, I held out my arm signaling it to stop. She criticized me over it, saying the motion was too exaggerated and made me look ridiculous. When I told her later I thought her comment was out of place after being taken out for the day she passed it off as a joke when it obviously wasn't. She would point out people who are fat or not very attractive to me and then ridicule that person. If I didn't join in she would accuse me of being no fun and get irritated.

The last time we talked was in January over the phone where she wanted me to guess where she'd been that day. After a couple of failed attempts I asked her if she could maybe just tell me as I had no idea where she went. She then got angry and told me there was no fun to be had with me. I was tired of all her remarks ( I could easily list a dozen more) and just hung up on her (poor form on my part but I was just tired of her at this point). And we haven't spoken since.

Now her birthday is in a couple of days and I don't know whether to contact her or just leave it be. I miss her but it's also nice going through life without constantly being picked apart over the most senseless things. I'm not sure what to do, whether to contact her or not, or just send a card and leave it at that or not send anything at all? Thoughts please?

sReq | uTeK

Jesus, she sounds like a horrible bitter person. I'd be having nothing to so with someone like that. Keep it civil at family events and gatherings but be glad to be rid of someone who constantly puts you down

GingerLily

I have a difficult sister, and we get in much better with a respectful amount of distance.
I would suggest a card or a text on her birthday, be polite but keep her at an arms reach.

Siblings can be such a$$holes, but they usually grow up and mature eventually, it might be a good idea to keep some sort of relationship there for the future, but your dead right to take a step back from her, your relationship was simply not functional!!

Hey..
Know the feeling..
Sadly, some people can kind of get off on putting others down..
You can kind of get attuned to it then and you see their entire sense of humour or whatever is just slagging people..
Probably do no harm to send her a happy birthday message or whatever though..
You shouldn't necessarily feel bad about minimising contact with a sibling either really if you see fit..

amcalester

No harm in sending a card or a text to keep the lines do communication open, otherwise 1 birthday can become 2 which can become 3 etc.

You can still keep contact to a minimum at other times.

valoren

When you say she got angry, how did she get angry? Did she shout, roar? Was she being verbally abusive?

Any rational person would be able to grasp that if they get angry with someone on the phone then there's a chance the other person might hang up. You did and it was an appropriate response if you were being chewed out as nobody needs to be listening to that crap. You've already asked her to cut it out but she hasn't. She will presumably always be like that. If she has any sense she would have apologized already but considering she hasn't then a brief text saying happy birthday will suffice for the simple reason of giving her nothing to say or use against you going forward.

Jenneke87

valoren wrote: »

When you say she got angry, how did she get angry? Did she shout, roar? Was she being verbally abusive?

Any rational person would be able to grasp that if they get angry with someone on the phone then there's a chance the other person might hang up. You did and it was an appropriate response if you were being chewed out as nobody needs to be listening to that crap. You've already asked her to cut it out but she hasn't. She will presumably always be like that. If she has any sense she would have apologized already but considering she hasn't then a brief text saying happy birthday will suffice for the simple reason of giving her nothing to say or use against you going forward.

Thanks to all that responded. She didn't shout but made it very clear she was annoyed, told me there was no fun to be had with me. She was going to call me because she wanted some advise on something. She just said;"There is really no fun to be had with you, is there? Just get on with whatever it was you were going to say". I told her to get lost (again, I know is bad form) and hung up on her.

wildwillow

Better to send a card but keep your distance. She probably misses our company too. But she needs to respect you. The fact that she passes hurtful remarks about your walk and general behaviour is totally unacceptable.

I wouldn't worry about hanging up on her, it was well deserved.

SirChenjin

wildwillow wrote: »

Better to send a card but keep your distance. She probably misses our company too. But she needs to respect you. The fact that she passes hurtful remarks about your walk and general behaviour is totally unacceptable.

I wouldn't worry about hanging up on her, it was well deserved.

+1 to this.