Don't want to make the same mistake again

LegacyUser

Years ago I was in a brief relationship with a guy who had just come out of a long term relationship, it ended badly as he wasn't in the headspace to be with someone and at the time was also emotionally immature and distant.

Fast forward 6 years later and our paths have crossed again, except he is just out of a relationship… again. He seems a lot more mature this time and said it feels like fate we’ve met again. I don’t know though. He does seem different but he also seems in some ways the same. (Hard to have a conversation with, doesn’t reply for hours…) He also asked if I’d like to get a room together for our first date which seemed like a bit of a red flag. I haven’t met him in person (we met on Tinder this time and have been messaging) and I’m not sure if I should see him at all in case I end up heartbroken again. I don’t know what to do, am I a fool for considering going down this path again?

woodchuck

worried11 wrote: »

He also asked if I’d like to get a room together for our first date which seemed like a bit of a red flag.

BIT of a red flag?! He couldn't be more obvious if he had a flashing neon sign...

I'm sorry OP, but it's very clear that he's only after one thing. Save yourself the heartache and leave the past in the past.

elfy4eva

Fate my hole. He's buttering you up and looking for sex. Sorry OP but if that's not what you're after then run a mile.

wiggle16

You would be a fool if you go down that road again. Don't be that fool.

It's only "fate" on his end because he's just out of a relationship and has suddenly bumped into someone he would like to sleep with and who he doesn't have to put any ground work into because he already knows you. You're convenient for him right now. That's all. He probably can't believe his luck but it's not for the same reasons as you.

Sorry if that seems tactless but honestly, that's all he's after.

LegacyUser

Yeah, stick him in the "avoid" pile! The fact that he suggested the room for your first date is actually pretty disrespectful. It shows that he doesn't want to have to put in the time or effort to spend real time together but is just looking for sex.

A golden rule, OP, is to stay away from people who are just out of relationships. They're a mess and not ready for anything proper - no matter what they might tell you, or themselves.

I had a very similar experience to you, OP. Only to stupidly gave him a second chance as I believed all his flowery words. It wasn't long for his past behaviour to resurface and for him to start behaving the way he had the first time. Like your situation he was just out of a relationship both times.

It's not worth the headache which will inevitably follow. Really, it isn't. Respect yourself and tell him you're actually not interested after all.

Sardonicat

I agree with everything that's been said so far. Please don't fool yourself with notions like 'fate'. He just uses that line on you to make you second guess yourself. When it comes to relationships it's a tiny bit down to chance ( meeting someone you're attracted to who feels the same ) the rest comes down to commitment. Fate is a childish, romantic notion. Ditch it and him now.

stop animal cruelty

No, no and no.... Don't meet this guy he is stringing u on.

Ursus Horribilis

Leaving aside the room for your first date issue, why on earth would you want to go out with someone you've described as "hard to have a conversation with". That should be a deal breaker on its own, before you even look at the other flags. It doesn't look like you had a great connection last time either if you're describing him as being emotionally immature and distant. Are you attracted to bad boys?

Red Lightning

Would it be worth the OP outlining she's after something serious. It's worth a shot if the other option is leaving it be.

zapper55

Red to be fair your man knows well by the sound of it. He's just chancing his arm.

zoobizoo

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Leaving aside the room for your first date issue, why on earth would you want to go out with someone you've described as "hard to have a conversation with". That should be a deal breaker on its own, before you even look at the other flags. It doesn't look like you had a great connection last time either if you're describing him as being emotionally immature and distant. Are you attracted to bad boys?

This.

Dating someone incapable of communicating in a way that works well for you will always end badly. It just doesn't work.

3 dates in and you'll be bored sitting across from him at dinner. It won't get any better than that

wiggle16

Red Lightning wrote: »

Would it be worth the OP outlining she's after something serious. It's worth a shot if the other option is leaving it be.

I get where you're coming from, and if this was someone she just met on tinder it would be one thing. But the OP was emotionally invested in him before, and because of that, she got hurt. It's very clear from the fact that he wants to get a hotel room that he is after sex and probably can't believe his luck - if you're serious about seeing someone you wouldn't suggest a hotel room as part of a first date. Or shouldn't, rather!

All that aside, he's just out of a relationship. The recently single should be given a wide berth if you're looking for something serious. I think the OP should run a mile.

worried11

worried11 wrote: »

Fast forward 6 years later and our paths have crossed again, except he is just out of a relationship… again.

He also asked if I’d like to get a room together for our first date which seemed like a bit of a red flag

Are you sure he’s “just out of a relationship again”??

Either way, sounds like you’re wasting your time if you’re looking for a relationship.

SozBbz

To echo the majority of other posters - no good will come from this, for you at least.

He is blatently after sex, which is fine if thats what you want, but given that you've been burned by this man perviously, I doubt thats the case.

He's being incredibly selfish, but at the same time at least he's showing you who he is; an absolute chancer looking to get the leg over.

When someone tells you who they are, you ought to listen.

Are you struggling for confidence yourself? Is that why you think that this is all you deserve? When a man really likes you, it won't feel like this.

Rubberchikken

he doesnt sound worth your time.
fate my foot. thete are pkenty of good men out there. leabe this giy to his next 'relationship'.

cannotlogin

If we take what he says at face value, he is capable and has had relationships (two that you know of), he just doesn't want one with you.

It doesn't matter why, he just doesn't but is happy to have casual sex with you in between.

I can't see how you can continue seeing him without getting hurt as you want different things.

Sorry its not what you want to hear but I hope it saves you getting hurt again.

Big Bag of Chips

Do you want to sleep with him? If so tell him to book the room and you'll see him there. But don't expect this to turn into rose petals and romance. It will at best probably turn into a casual hook up thing when he fancies it.

If that's not what you ultimately want from him I'd say move on. Plenty more fish and all that....

LazySamaritan

This fella sounds like a dingus and the OP should tell him take a hike.

Plenty better men out there.