Does life get boring?

LegacyUser

Decided to go unregistered for this as it is easier to try and say what I am really feeling.

I am 30, I got married last year, I have a good job on a good salary. All in all my life looks very good, and to be fair it is.

I'm just a bit bored though! I travelled extensively in my early 20s, then went back to re-train , so college took up a lot of my time. Then last year we had the wedding/ honeymoon to organise. Now I'm just bored! Due to my husbands work we live about 2 hours from my family/ friends. I have tried making friends in the area but I think it's an age thing. Most of the women my age have children and therefore busier lives!

I do really want children and it is something we have discussed, I'm sure I won't be bored after that!

Just do you find that life sometimes has lulls? It can't be exciting all the time? I know after work I will go home. Go for a walk, cook dinner, maybe do a little cleaning. Then find myself on the couch with a glass of wine by about 7pm. My husband is usually home before 8pm, he showers, eats, watches TV for an hour or so then heads to bed by about 10pm. I then watch TV for another 2ish hours before going to bed myself.

I feel it is normal to go through these quiet times though, is it? My life can't be super exciting and full of adventure the whole time! Especially as really since leaving secondary school it's been one mile stone at a time, constantly striving towards the next big thing and now for the moment I have nothing 'big' on the horizon. I have booked a few things to do over the summer so hopefully that helps.

zapper55

It sounds a bit lonely to me, like you never spend proper time together. What do you guys do for dates? Or having fun at the weekend? You mention going to bed at different times, could you go the same time sometimes for some sexy time?

Do you have any hobbies yourself?

Can you arrange to meet with family/friends every now then?

baby and crumble

Life always has lulls. I know that if I hadn't been studying in my spare time after our wedding i would have had quite a 'come-down' from it being all go organising it.

Thing is though, I find with work I might as well write off weeknights for much else than relaxing after work, maybe some cleaning and tidying. I think that's ok, tbh I love nothing more than curling up at home watching some tv with my wife and the cats during the week.

You don't talk about weekends though, is it just weeknights that leave you a bit 'meh' or are the weekends similar?

Have you tried finding an evening class? I really loved taking one when I wasn't studying, I did pottery and I made loads of great friends and when I wasn't actually at class i was researching new things to make, new techniques i could try in class, all that. It was great. Even taking up a hobby you can do in house like sewing, or blogging, or whatever means you've something you can do of an evening if you fancy it.

shesty

Yes it does.I usually take up a hobby when that happens.
That being said if you have kids, you will be very busy, but find yourself bored at times too, with the mundanity of eating, feeding, cleaning, cooking, generally getting children through everyday life.Grass is always greener.

The_Honeybadger

shesty wrote: »

Yes it does.I usually take up a hobby when that happens.
That being said if you have kids, you will be very busy, but find yourself bored at times too, with the mundanity of eating, feeding, cleaning, cooking, generally getting children through everyday life.Grass is always greener.

Couldn’t have said it better. We have kids and I’m worn out from them.

That said I find the time to lift weights several times a week at a really friendly gym. I’d crack up without this social outlet and thankfully it’s a healthy activity too. Op find a hobby you like and get involved.

Op we also live a long way from where we are from. This is definitely another challenge, even ten years on we have a wide network of acquaintances but few close friends where we live. Seems to be a common issue with our generation there was a thread about it here not that long ago.

LegacyUser

shesty wrote: »

Grass is always greener.

I think this is the issue! With the travelling it was constantly new and exciting. Then the exams whilst not fun I always had an end goal in sight, get past this set of exams, then onto the next ones.

In the industry I am in I could keep travelling for the rest of my life. But if I am truly honest when I think back on travelling, whilst I did love it. I did actually get 'bored' of it too and moved home because I wanted other things from life too which I couldn't have being a nomad!

We do, do things at the weekends but not as much as I'd like. My husband works a LOT! He is trying to build up his business so that in a few years he is in a position to be able to collect kids etc as he will be able to drop what he's doing and go. But right now that means he is working a lot and is always tired. He can be asleep on the couch before 10pm on a Saturday night no bother!
I had a very busy social life before moving here, going out a few nights during the week. Going to the cinema (closest one is now a 50 min drive), dinner with friends on a Wednesday night if I felt like it. But it's a long way from the Dublin social scene where I am now!! It is beautiful and I did fully want to move here.

I bet some of my friends still doing all the partying etc in Dublin look at my life and think 'I'd love a great husband and the nice quiet country life'.

Really is a case of the grass is greener! Only one person that can do anything about it, and that's me. I suppose we all go through this from time to time don't we? Life can't be super exciting all the time. As you said it does get boring doing the same thing over and over.

I did look up evening courses before, the local secondary run them a few times a year. There's nothing on until September so I think I'll do one. With regards other social clubs etc there really isn't much. I could join the country women's association I have also been planning small weekend trips away for over the summer so a few of those to look forward to would be nice

Nymeria

Hi OP,

I just wanted to say I completely understand. I also spent most of my twenties and early thirties in far flung places, on the other side of the world backpacking, and studying abroad. There was always the next adventure, and I loved the planning and organising that went with it - but mostly the freedom of walking away from 'normal life' and setting up somewhere new, meeting new people etc.

But there were downsides too, I have less of a friendship group here because of it, and many of my memories of cool places and experiences are with relative strangers and not shared with my friends or family from here. I'm also having to start very belatedly to get a career going much later than most people - that was another great thing about the travel thing for me, every job was just a means to an end, I didn't have to think much about a grand career.

Anyway, I'm approaching mid thirties and decided to settle back in Dublin (and panicking about how I'm going to afford to live here).

It's great that you are looking into local courses, maybe over the summer you could start planting stuff in your garden and cultivate vegetables, or look at other local summer activities.
I know its harder to make friends in your thirties, I'm lucky I still have two best friends here that I see regularly, but other than that my friendship group is pretty much non existent.

It definitely hard to compare the adventure of being somewhere new all the time, or constantly moving around to staying in one place - it can feel a little stilted. But as you said there are a lot of other benefits.. you have a good job, nice home and relationship, maybe plan mini projects for yourself - health or fitness related goals, learning new hobbies etc.

Maybe you could organise a weekend in Dublin to catch up with your friends, or invite them down to stay with you - to be honest, many people are sick of the social scene by the time they are 30 anyway.

You may be someone who will always need something to look forward to/ something to challenge you. There's no reason you can't make that work in your current situation, it just needs to be adapted a little.

Anyway, hope that helps.

LegacyUser

Nymeria wrote: »

It's great that you are looking into local courses, maybe over the summer you could start planting stuff in your garden and cultivate vegetables.

I laughed at this, I tried growing vegetables before, lets just say I won't be winning any prizes lol!

I think you're so right on everything else though. It was such a thrill travelling and not having a care in the world. But I did also want to settle down. You're probably right about people not wanting to socialise in their 30s at much. My friends that are still single don't actually go out that often, just I suppose when they do it makes it onto social media. I know my own life probably looks at lot more exciting on social media.

I need to set some mini goals for myself. I think you're right, I always need something to look forward to. Half of it is probably the planning. I also might try my hand at a few creative activities, I was given a sowing machine, I might start playing around with that. It's always handy to be able to turn up a hem.

Thanks for the advice, I know my thread pales hugely in comparison to most of the threads on here. But I was wondering if it was something most people felt from time to time and it seems it is!

Loveinapril

I would be very similar to you in that I am always looking forward, always waiting for the next thing or planning other things. I am a couple of months away from having my second child yet I am spending lots of time focusing on a potential job change next Spring! I have started writing a daily gratitude journal and try to practice mindfulness and meditation. It is a daily struggle when you are a 'do-er' so I absolutely get where you are coming from.

Bob Harris

Lull wrote: »

I laughed at this, I tried growing vegetables before, lets just say I won't be winning any prizes lol!

I was given a sowing machine, I might start playing around with that.

That'll be useful when planting the vegetables.

bilbot79

Do you have a really challenging, high stakes/high reward job? I feel like this is what you need.

Bigbagofcans

You need a hobby to break up the week and to stop you from doing the same thing every day after work.

Have you any interest in reading, singing, playing music/sports?
Joining the local book club, choir, trad group, sports team (something easy like badminton is great fun). You can always try one/some of these things and see if you enjoy it.

pwurple

Well, you sound more than bored to me. You sound like you're not happy with how things are now.

There are some books written around that , not having anything to do can lead to unhappiness. There's a lack of personal fulfillment, low sense of achievement, you can end up feeling useless and it can undermine you in other areas of life. So, looking to solve it is a good idea!

There are a few books on it. A popular one is (controversial choice I know), Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules for life. It boils down to setting your life in order first, sorting your house (tidy your room), your job, your behaviour, and then helping others.

If you've some excess time, you can put it into yourself, self improvement... or you gave put it into others. Children, community.

There are loads of local groups looking for people with an hour here or there every few weeks. Tidy towns, coaching, even doing a bit of sewing of bunting for events I found myself doing.

But yes, I'd say read a few books on it, decide what you'd like to do, and do it with a direction in mind.

MartyMcFly84

Are they any clubs or gyms where you are based?

I found doing things in the evenings, be it language classes, martial arts, sport clubs anything that involves group activities is a great way to meet people any time I have moved.

For me martial arts was a great one, I have lived in several cities around the world and in everyone I could walk in get on the mat and make friends within hours. Martial arts may not be for you , but I would recommend trying something like this that you can practice wherever you go. You will meet lots of new people and friends who have their own interests outside of their kids.