Advice please

avalanche

not sure where to start..perhaps some context, none of which is intended as an excuse..i am trying to figure it all out myself

i broke with my long term girlfriend 3 years ago and i took it quite bad and have struggled to move on. i am currently quite isolated and suffer from lonliness.

over the past few months, i have gotten drunk a few times and ended up calling escorts. i am disgusted with myself and feel sabotaged by myself. it makes me afraid to go drinking, which was one of the few avenues i have to socialuze. the issue arises on my way home, where i tell myself its fine and some fun.. the next day is a different story

i am morally at odds with myself and find it difficult to forgive. i also dont know how i could enter another relationship without full disclosure.

appreciate any advice you may have

Upforthematch

Try meetup.com to make friends and be good to yourself! Start by getting this post moved to Personal Issues instead of After Hours!

Thelonious Monk

avalanche wrote: »

i am morally at odds with myself and find it difficult to forgive. i also dont know how i could enter another relationship without full disclosure.

appreciate any advice you may have

It's no one else's business but yours. You'll never know all of someone's secrets.
Anyway relax, no one has died, just maybe lay off the sauce for a while and try and get it under control. Boozing your way through a break up always leads to problems, look in the mirror, exhibit A!

ILoveYourVibes

avalanche wrote: »

not sure where to start..perhaps some context, none of which is intended as an excuse..i am trying to figure it all out myself

i broke with my long term girlfriend 3 years ago and i took it quite bad and have struggled to move on. i am currently quite isolated and suffer from lonliness.

over the past few months, i have gotten drunk a few times and ended up calling escorts. i am disgusted with myself and feel sabotaged by myself. it makes me afraid to go drinking, which was one of the few avenues i have to socialuze. the issue arises on my way home, where i tell myself its fine and some fun.. the next day is a different story

i am morally at odds with myself and find it difficult to forgive. i also dont know how i could enter another relationship without full disclosure.

appreciate any advice you may have

I read that first as I broke my arm!

Guilt is not a useful emotion.

Do you know sometimes what is more dangerous than a misdeed? Its the darkness you feel afterwards that is the real danger. Negativity feeds off it.

The real danger is letting that darkness into yourself your life and thus the world.

Get rid of those dark feelings. And the rest will follow.

Do happy uplifting things. Do things for others etc. Be happy and do happy things. Dance listen to happy music. Be kind and only be around kind people.

The devil wants you to feel guilty.

And a broken arm is much more serious.

ILoveYourVibes

Upforthematch wrote: »

Try meetup.com to make friends and be good to yourself! Start by getting this post moved to Personal Issues instead of After Hours!

OP its for the best....people in AH don't have to answer in the same way..they are allowed make jokes etc.

Wesser

I think if its 3 years you should maybe see a counsellor for some talk therapy....

ILoveYourVibes

The Satanist wrote: »

I learned to drive in an Escort. I wasn't drunk, mind you.

If you learn to drive in an Escort can you really even drive?;)

Quick OP move the thread to personal issues before i lose the run of myself!

Pissartist

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

I read that first as I broke my arm!

Guilt is not a useful emotion.

Do you know sometimes what is more dangerous than a misdeed? Its the darkness you feel afterwards that is the real danger. Negativity feeds off it.

The real danger is letting that darkness into yourself your life and thus the world.

Get rid of those dark feelings. And the rest will follow.

Do happy uplifting things. Do things for others etc. Be happy and do happy things. Dance listen to happy music. Be kind and only be around kind people.

The devil wants you to feel guilty.

And a broken arm is much more serious.

Good advice, I wish it was that easy but I'm going to try

ILoveYourVibes

Pissartist wrote: »

Good advice, I wish it was that easy but I'm going to try

Good luck to you and the OP

avalanche

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

I read that first as I broke my arm!

Guilt is not a useful emotion.

Do you know sometimes what is more dangerous than a misdeed? Its the darkness you feel afterwards that is the real danger. Negativity feeds off it.

The real danger is letting that darkness into yourself your life and thus the world.

Get rid of those dark feelings. And the rest will follow.

Do happy uplifting things. Do things for others etc. Be happy and do happy things. Dance listen to happy music. Be kind and only be around kind people.

The devil wants you to feel guilty.

And a broken arm is much more serious.

good advice here.thanks

avalanche

mod , can you please move to personal issues? thanks

Strumms

Find other outlets where you can spend your time that are not going to indulge in self destruction of a kind...

Join a gym - a brilliant way to get/be healthy, meet other like minded folks. You will have the BEST nights sleep and feel good with a brilliant sense of achievement. Looking good and feeling good. Your head too will hit the pillow and you will be off to zzzzzzzzzzz land before you can consider opening a bottle OR worrying about problems.

Cinema - Buy a membership somewhere like the IFI...make it a regular thing one day/evening a week.

Sephiroth_dude

Mod

Moving to PI, please read the charter before posting .

wiggle16

Mod note:

Thanks Sephiroth

Some posts have been deleted to comply with the PI charter and to make the thread easier to read. If your post was deleted, apologies.

Thread unlocked

avalanche

but do you think its possible to forgive yourself and move on? would a future partner ever understand?

i have joined a gym and am tryimg to do more activities but just when i have turned a corner i end up doing somethimg stupid like this which is very frustrating. like i cant even trust myself..

Sorry about that

If I met a guy who told me he'd used escorts, especially during a tough time, I wouldn't have a problem with it. I might wonder why the hell he felt the need to tell me though.

This is your private business- not anyone else's, now or in the future. You're obviously a really good guy to even give a s**t about this. Everyone has stuff they're ashamed of, and I certainly didn't share mine with my other half! (I'm not suggesting you should be ashamed either, it's just a thing).