Is he stringing me along.

astaire

I guess this is a very small problem but is wrecking my head! Met a guy off Tinder in February. We met for drinks first date and hit it off .We've had 8 dates since, the first few he initiated. After the fourth we got intimate and he didn't suggest meeting again but he was still texting away. So I called him out on it and he did arrange a date which went well. The next dates either I have arranged or him. The last was him. The thing is he doesn't seem massively keen to meet again, in the sense he hasn't suggested doing anything since. Of course he's still texting away but I have noticed the texts are getting less. I have some trust issues to be fair from lads stringing me on in the past and he is not long out of a long term relationship which ended badly so he's not looking for anything too heavy. I am reluctant to bring up the lack of asking me out again as I have already said it. If I thought he did actually want to meet up again I would ask him but my confidence is fairly low atm and I guess I fear the rejection! I have had lads in the past texting at 2am etc but this guy is different-he texts at normal hours and not sleazy. Would a lad be texting for 3 months if he is not interested? I'm just worried he's keeping me dangling til someone better comes along!What do you guys think?Thanks for reading.

Kidchameleon

Im not sure what the problem is. He said he is not looking for anything too heavy. I think he has been honest with you. It looks like he is not interested in a relationship. Id let him go if I was you.

zapper55

He doesn't want anything heavy. He could be completely happy having something casual for months or maybe he doesnt ever want a serious relationship. Who knows.

But he's told you he doesnt want something serious with you. Listen and save yourself heartache.

LegacyUser

He's told you he doesn't want anything heavy as he is just out of a LTR, so I wouldn't say he's stringing you along.

You seem to want more so maybe think about cutting your losses. No point in getting more invested in something that may not have a future. In general, it's best to stay clear of people just out of relationships. Not worth the hassle, sure they could even get back together like, best to stay clear.

leggo

Yeah, what everyone else is saying. He’s told you the story here and hasn’t pulled any punches. You seem to want a relationship so aren’t hearing that, though. So just acknowledge that and deal with it. If you want a relationship with this guy, make your peace with the fact that that’s not where this is going. If you don’t, then keep doing what you’re doing with zero expectations.

WIZWEB

Just to add OP you mentioned previous lads texting you at 2am. Someone that respects you will never do that. If you replied and didn't block then this shows poor personal boundaries. It also conveys a message to them that they can treat you like a doormat. Consider counseling for your self-esteem. I'm sorry about the current guy too but other posters answered where you stand there.

ILoveYourVibes

Firstly I am ever so sorry about your previous relationship experiences.

Just accept what he offers.

Don't pressure him often find thats refreshing and its freeing for you too.

You have to have the mindset that no one better than you will come along because there is no one better than you.

You don't lose people because of someone else you lose them because of you.

The vast amount of serious relationships start with something casual if you play your cards right.

It doesn't matter what time he texts you or how often.

Is he worthy or not? Is he the type of guy you respect?

IF HE IS the type of guy you should respect then you should have no issues trusting him.

Respect and trust him.

Also one more thing TRUST YOURSELF too. Trust your gut. Deep down you really know him better than any of us myself included so i am sure you have the answer.

I wish you all the happiness in love in the future

leggo

WIZWEB wrote: »

Just to add OP you mentioned previous lads texting you at 2am. Someone that respects you will never do that. If you replied and didn't block then this shows poor personal boundaries. It also conveys a message to them that they can treat you like a doormat. Consider counseling for your self-esteem. I'm sorry about the current guy too but other posters answered where you stand there.

Ah now, I've booty-called people I've been besotted with and had the height of respect for before. You're on a night out without your partner and start thinking about them as you're heading home and wondering if they're up. Even people I haven't been besotted with, I've sent and received late night messages and how much I 'respected' them didn't come into it. This a bit "a lady should act this way" advice and doesn't really fit in 2019.

ILoveYourVibes

leggo wrote: »

This a bit "a lady should act this way" advice and doesn't really fit in 2019.

There are no rules!

lainey_d_123

leggo wrote: »

Ah now, I've booty-called people I've been besotted with and had the height of respect for before. You're on a night out without your partner and start thinking about them as you're heading home and wondering if they're up. Even people I haven't been besotted with, I've sent and received late night messages and how much I 'respected' them didn't come into it. This a bit "a lady should act this way" advice and doesn't really fit in 2019.

You don't 'booty call' a partner. Booty call implies casual sex. I don't think it's unfair to say that responding to these kinds of messages just encourages the person to view you as a sex object. If you barely hear from someone other than 2am messages asking if you're horny, then they're not interested in you as a person, full stop.

leggo

Or people just enjoy sex and that’s okay too. Calling someone at 2am isn’t an indication of anything. If they’re not paying any attention to you as a person, the main problem you’re having there is they’re not paying any attention to you as a person. The time that they are or aren’t doing so is irrelevant. These false shortcuts that people try and cling onto generally don’t have much substance in the real world and can often do as much harm as good.

lainey_d_123

leggo wrote: »

Or people just enjoy sex and that’s okay too. Calling someone at 2am isn’t an indication of anything. If they’re not paying any attention to you as a person, the main problem you’re having there is they’re not paying any attention to you as a person. The time that they are or aren’t doing so is irrelevant. These false shortcuts that people try and cling onto generally don’t have much substance in the real world and can often do as much harm as good.

Yes, it is OK, if OP were also looking for casual sex, but she isn't. She wants more, and she's not going to get it from this guy. The time is absolutely relevant. someone texting at 5pm to ask how you are is very different to someone texting at 2am asking if you're free.

ILoveYourVibes

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Yes, it is OK, if OP were also looking for casual sex, but she isn't. She wants more, and she's not going to get it from this guy. The time is absolutely relevant. someone texting at 5pm to ask how you are is very different to someone texting at 2am asking if you're free.

These are such rigid rules.

I might want to talk to someone at 2 am. Ever had night like that?

And casual sex can turn into something more it does all the time.

And is casual sex so tightly defined?

Its not in real life.

Who knows what his feelings are.

Just go with your gut OP. If you think he is stringing you along then he is if you feel he isn't he isn't. Its your feelings and reactions to the situation that matter and we might not feel the same way as you.

He texts normal hrs too and not sleazy the op said and for 3 months.

lainey_d_123

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

These are such rigid rules.

I might want to talk to someone at 2 am. Ever had night like that?

And casual sex can turn into something more it does all the time.

And is casual sex so tightly defined?

Its not in real life.

Who knows what his feelings are.

Just go with your gut OP. If you think he is stringing you along then he is if you feel he isn't he isn't. Its your feelings and reactions to the situation that matter and we might not feel the same way as you.

He texts normal hrs too and not sleazy the op said and for 3 months.

He has literally told her he doesn't want a relationship, he has no interest in planning dates and his texting has fallen off. He's interested in keeping her on the hook as a back-up in case other options don't work out, nothing more.

WIZWEB

leggo wrote: »

Ah now, I've booty-called people I've been besotted with and had the height of respect for before. You're on a night out without your partner and start thinking about them as you're heading home and wondering if they're up. Even people I haven't been besotted with, I've sent and received late night messages and how much I 'respected' them didn't come into it. This a bit "a lady should act this way" advice and doesn't really fit in 2019.

Believe me I'm very open-minded these days However it's clear the OP develops strong attachments from her post. These don't mix well with 'booty calls'. By the way of which I often partake of myself so I'm certainly on no moral crusade. Horny or not I wouldn't want anyone drunk or sober to think they have the right to pester me at 2am especially if they are the only one pissed. If I know someone will be up or they know I am then fine we might rock n roll. Otherwise I'll have a tommy tank or contact another FWB and politely leave them to sleep. Maybe it's just me but sex isn't always just about my immediate needs being only met.