Not sure what’s wrong with me

MichaelFe

Hi all,

Going anonymous for this one.

So I’ve been seeing my fiancée for 4 years. Lately I’ve found whenever I meet an attractive girl at lunch or out and around town I just can’t get them out of my mind for the remainder of the day. Like they consume my mind. It’s the weirdest thing ever. I’m 30 and this has never happened to me before. Before my girlfriend I had 40+ sexual partners and never had I a fixation on any of them the way I do now with someone I just meet or say hello to. It’s so weird and it’s actually troubling me.

Things are good in the relationship so I’m not sure what’s wrong with me at the moment. It doesn’t make any sense. My fiancée is a cracking looking girl so it isn’t a case of the grass is greener or anything like that. I don’t understand it but it’s really affecting me.

Anyone know what’s wrong with me?

PHG

It is just a bit of window shopping, happens us all from time to time and it gets bigger and smaller.

Could just be experiencing the 7 yer itch 4 years in. Could be a bit of the wedding nerves e.g. what else is out there and natural. You seem happy in your relationship too and not doubting it, which is another positive. You're not cheating or acting on it, if you were that would be a bigger issue. It will pas and just feel lucky you have the partner you want.

PARlance

Not sure there's anything wrong with you tbh.

Can't see it as anything more than a little panic / fear of missing out thing, as you've committed to one person for the rest of your days.

It's a fairly big step. I do know that I definitely increased the nights out with the lads as I awaited my sentencing.

MichaelFe

PARlance wrote: »

Not sure there's anything wrong with you tbh.

Can't see it as anything more than a little panic / fear of missing out thing, as you've committed to one person for the rest of your days.

It's a fairly big step. I do know that I definitely increased the nights out with the lads as I awaited my sentencing.

Yea I don’t want to act on it but i do think about it. I don’t understand why I’m so caught up by people I’m just seeing. Never happened before even when I was single.

It feels really weird to be at home and still thinking about some girl I met earlier in the day

zapper55

How is your relationship? You said she's very attractive but are you in love with her? And yes I know you are engaged.

leggo

Sounds like a bit of self-sabotage at play tbh. You’re looking down the barrel of spending the rest of your life with one person and all of a sudden the rest of the world becomes so much more interesting. The worst thing you could do is deny and fight these feelings, that’s how you wake up after a drunken night in bed with someone else, so well done on being honest posting here.

Look, acknowledge and lean into the feelings: being engaged doesn’t turn off your attraction to others, but at the same time you sound happy with this girl. That’s all okay and can co-exist together. At the same time take time to think about all you’d lose if you ever did act on these, really think about it don’t just say “ah yeah I’d never cheat”, and all the good your fiancée has brought to your life. Also consider that these women almost definitely aren’t going to be queuing up for you if you hit the market again. Then just allow yourself to look while maintaining your appreciation for your partner and what she brings to your life. It should pass.