How much is too much?

LegacyUser

So I've been seeing a girl for 3 months.
We get on fantastic and have great times together.

Lately she's saying that I'm ignoring her, not prioritising her and we're not spending enough time together.

Now, in my defence, we text and chat every day, she's stays over 3 nights a week and I try to spend as much time as I can with her. I'm planning weekends away and holidays and stuff too, which makes it more weird.

I work Mon to Fri, have hobbies, go to gym etc. so I don't have too much time in the evening, but I make time where I can, and the lads I live with like her, but I don't want them getting p*ssed off that she's here more often than not.

Never had this issue with anyone else.

Any advice?

Dial Hard

A Nony Mouse wrote:

I work Mon to Fri, have hobbies, go to gym etc. so I don't have too much time in the evening, but I make time where I can, and the lads I live with like her, but I don't want them getting p*ssed off that she's here more often than not.

What's she got going on in her own life? Are you her only outlet? This all sounds verrrrrrry intense and full-on for a 12-week "relationship" (quotation marks because it's even too soon to be calling it that, imo). I'd tread very carefully here, OP. This is all kinds of concerning.

LegacyUser

Lately she's saying that I'm ignoring her, not prioritising her and we're not spending enough time together.

She needs to be more specific/give examples.
Is she at your place 3 nights a wk or do you go to hers sometimes?
Who generally texts who first? Would you sometimes leave it a few hours before replying?
What age are you both?
It's not a red flag but it is a sign you need to communicate better. She's unhappy, you're happy out?!

JustAThought

Sounds like you have a balanced happy healthy life and relationship & she is needy,controlling and clingy. I'd progress with extreme caution. Is she Irish?

Mr. Incognito

Lately she's saying that I'm ignoring her, not prioritising her and we're not spending enough time together.

After 12 weeks??

She was literally a stranger 3 months ago.

Get rid- its only going to get worse

Emme

JustAThought wrote: »

Sounds like you have a balanced happy healthy life and relationship & she is needy,controlling and clingy. I'd progress with extreme caution. Is she Irish?

What has being Irish got to do with it? Both women and men of all nationalities can be needy, controlling and clingy.

I would advise the OP to talk to her and explain that he cannot give her any more time and he is prioritising her as best he can. If she isn't happy with that it would be best to call it a day.

zoobizoo

At that stage I would be thinking one date Monday to Friday and then spend Saturday night Sunday morning together.

Unless I wanted to spend more time with them.

A holiday seems like a big move this early into things.... why are you doing That?

LegacyUser

A Nony Mouse wrote: »

So I've been seeing a girl for 3 months.
We get on fantastic and have great times together.

Lately she's saying that I'm ignoring her, not prioritising her and we're not spending enough time together.

Now, in my defence, we text and chat every day, she's stays over 3 nights a week and I try to spend as much time as I can with her. I'm planning weekends away and holidays and stuff too, which makes it more weird.

I work Mon to Fri, have hobbies, go to gym etc. so I don't have too much time in the evening, but I make time where I can, and the lads I live with like her, but I don't want them getting p*ssed off that she's here more often than not.

Never had this issue with anyone else.

Any advice?

Hi Op, in a lot of ways I’m in a similar position - I’m in a relationship about 12 weeks also and had the not spending enough time together conversation with the guy I’m seeing last night. The difference being the amount of time we spend together - the past 3 weeks it’s only been once a week and as another poster mentioned 2-3 times is the ideal at this stage of a relationship and what I would expect. To me spending 3 nights a week together and still asking to meet more is a bit too much. Maybe sit down and have a conversation with her about what both your expectations of this relationship are

WrigleysExtra

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

After 12 weeks??

She was literally a stranger 3 months ago.

Get rid- its only going to get worse

This, sounds like you have a crazy person on your hands.

Ursus Horribilis

So where does this idea that you're ignoring her come from? You're in contact every day and she stays over 3 nights a week. And that's alongside you going to work and living a normal life. What age is she, by the way?

LegacyUser

Is there more to it? Is she calling over three nights a week to sit in half the night with your mates? Do ye go on proper dates? It's possible you may spend time with her but not quality time. Three nights a week is more than enough in one house, especially one shared with friends. Is there a reason it's always your place? Is she always making the effort to come to you perhaps because 3 months of that would be frustrating.

ManOfMystery

Big red flags here. Don't ignore them.

You ever read (on this forum amongst others) about people whose partners are obsessive, about how they need constant texts/calls/communication from them and have to spend every night together, with friends cast off and no time for anything else? And about how smothered and unhappy they feel? Those situations don't happen overnight - they start off slowly.

SozBbz

Yeah this sounds a lot OP.

It sounds like you're giving plenty, possibly even at the higher end of what I'd expect in a new relationship.

When myself and my OH were just dating (we moved in after one year), I'd say we saw each other on average twice a week. One weekend date with a sleep over and maybe one weeknight (no sleep over) as we lived on oposite sides of the city and one of us would have had an awful commute the following morning.

Of course there were times when I wanted to see him more, but that didnt mean I realistically expected him to put up with a 90 minute drive to work by spending the night, or to not see his friends/take part in hobbies just to see me.

Missing someone and wanting to see them more is a great sign. What is not great is that your GF appears to think that just because she has these thoughts, that you should make them a reality. At best, shes just not thought things through and is verbalizing thoughts she should keep to herself. At worst shes showing the early signs of being a controlling nightmare.

Explain it to her as you've explained it to us. If she understands and winds her neck in a bit, then should be ok. If she just reiterates her demands, then you've got a problem.

Tread carefully OP.