Approaching someone at the gym

eaglach

I hope this is the right place to ask this. I am a guy in his thirties and haven't had much luck dating wise. I think I might be a bit too picky when it comes to dating and have only had one semi-serious relationship in my life. It also doesn't help that I'm gay so it greatly limits the pool of people I have to work with.

So a few weeks ago I was at the gym and I noticed a guy glancing at me in the mirror. He's a good looking guy who I had seen there before, so that's why I happened to notice. I didn't think much of it at the time, but then when I got home I happened to see him on Tinder. I guess he had seen me on it earlier and noticed it was me.

You may not think that's significant, but to me that was a big boost. It's very rare for me to find someone that I find attractive AND gay. So I thought I was in with a chance, swiped right, but no match. Could be for plenty of reason; didn't actually see me on Tinder, swiped left to avoid awkwardness in the gym, or, more than likely, just wasn't interested!

Now the voice inside my head is telling me that there's a small chance that I could get a date with this guy. That could be fanciful thinking, but I can live in hope. I feel like Tinder never works out for me in general and have been told, without sounding cocky, that I'm better looking in person so there's a very slim chance he may be interested.

Would it be crazy to try and strike up a conversation with him? It's totally unlike something I would do - I don't talk to anyone in the gym normally. I don't even know what I would, or could say, without sounding like a fool. Or is there some other way that I could at least get talking to him? I'd just feel like I let an opportunity pass me by if I don't do something and the regret would eat me up inside.

LegacyUser

set up the bar for a bench press or a squat, approach him when he he appears to be free or taking a break in-between sets and say "you wouldn't mind if you give me a quick spot here bro?", that can be a way to start up a conversation, how you follow it up is down to you.

368100

eaglach wrote: »

<Snip> No need to quote entire post.

Absolutely no reason not to....go for it. Best of luck

JeffKenna

If you saw him on tinder and he liked you then you'd have matched so I wouldn't be approaching him.

WIZWEB

I'm gay. You know he is. I've years of relationship experience. Initiate a conversation. Don't come too full on. Try arrange a coffee or drink if convo goes well. If fobbed off then move on. He may have a look you like but your personalities and desires may not match or you may not be his type. Hopefully you get a date to find out. Otherwise it's magical thinking.

Hoboo

He might be straight and is looking at you thinking what the fooks this guy staring at. What makes you think he's gay?

wiggle16

Hoboo wrote: »

He might be straight and is looking at you thinking what the fooks this guy staring at. What makes you think he's gay?

He saw him on tinder. Meaning the other guy has his tinder set to match with other men - so he likes guys and wants to meet guys.

Also just because he saw him on tinder and didn't match doesn't mean the other guy swiped left (nope) on the OP. He may just have not appeared on the other guy's tinder yet, or he doesn't use it much.

OP, I don't have any suggestions for how to start a conversation, I've never set foot in a gym, but look for an excuse to talk to him and go for it. Don't get too hung up on it though, you already sound like you're overthinking it a bit!

Hoboo

wiggle16 wrote: »

He saw him on tinder. Meaning the other guy has his tinder set to match with other men - so he likes guys and wants to meet guys.

Also just because he saw him on tinder and didn't match doesn't mean the other guy swiped left (nope) on the OP. He may just have not appeared on the other guy's tinder yet, or he doesn't use it much.

OP, I don't have any suggestions for how to start a conversation, I've never set foot in a gym, but look for an excuse to talk to him and go for it. Don't get too hung up on it though, you already sound like you're overthinking it a bit!

Ah I see. Never used Tinder, was off the market before it was invented.

.......

You can totally strike up a conversation in the gym!

As someone has already mentioned you could ask him to spot you, another possible opening gambit would be to ask him to help you with a piece of gym equipment - like how to use it or to move it or find a bit for it etc..

Or ask about an exercise he is doing - what does it target, does he find it good, could he show you how to do it.

Just be careful that you read the situation. I often talk to people in the gym but I keep it very casual and generally short lived because I myself dont like my gym time being wasted on chit chat. So be mindful that the guy might only be polite in responding to you and try to read whether or not you need to leave it there or continue to chat later or on another occasion.

PARlance

Just strike up a conversation and ask. Easier said than done maybe but nothing to be lost and it doesn't really matter how you get to it but just blurt out "would you like to go for a coffee/drink sometime" or something to that affect.

The only real consideration is that you're both members of the same gym and it could be awkward if he's seeing someone or not interested. I would have something prepared for that... You could ask him if he knows any other decent gyms to lighten the mood.

bobdcow

You have a great way in, with the weights as mentioned above. Try that for a conversation starter and take it from there - best of luck I hope it works out

Mr. Incognito

Tinder is generally for casual sex.

Make he thinks it would be awkward to see someone casually he has to bump into at the gym every day.

I'd try to make friends with him rather than ask him out.

Its easy to make gym buddies- just ask for a spot on the bench.

wiggle16

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Tinder is generally for casual sex.

Eh? No it isn't. Grindr is for casual sex. I'm sure some people do use tinder for hookups but myself I don't know anyone who used tinder for anything but finding dates.

When are you back in the gym OP?

eaglach

Thanks for all the advice everyone. Just as a way of an update, I was at the gym last night and saw him there. A few awkward moments for me trying not to appear like I was staring at him, which probably looked worse than if I was...

So when I got home, I jump on Tinder again and low and behold, I matched with him! I guess that's a kind of success, but I've yet to actually talk to him in person! I've also to get a message out of him on Tinder, which seems to be the eternal struggle on that app.

I guess there'll be a few uncomfortable gym sessions in the near future!

368100

Have you sent him a message and He hasnt replied?
Don't mean to be funny but is your profile picture like you in real life? Would he be able to get that you're the guy from the gym?

wiggle16

He matched with you, message him. Don't wait for him to message you.

leggo

Honestly I’d never, ever approach someone in the gym without a major greenlight, just because I know I hate people trying to talk to me in the gym. BUT matching him on Tinder changes everything. Now it’s weirder not to acknowledge him. So I’d take the bull by the horn and jokingly be like “Here I said I’d say hi because it’s probably quicker than waiting for you to write back” and go from there.

I think the wheels are already in motion for this one though.

eaglach

We've had a couple messages back and forth on Tinder and I'm positive he's figured out that I'm that guy from the gym.

He hasn't messaged back since he's come to the realisation. I'm guessing he doesn't want any awkwardness every time he goes to the gym. I totally understand that. I saw him last night and my heart was racing when he walked by and tried my hardest not to make eye contact!

Is it best to just let it go and pretend it never happened?

wiggle16

That's unfortunate, but at least you tried.

If he was interested he would have said hi in person. I would leave him be - for whatever reason, he's not into you, and if he hasn't approached you in the gym since then you should just leave him to it.

eaglach

wiggle16 wrote: »

That's unfortunate, but at least you tried.

If he was interested he would have said hi in person. I would leave him be - for whatever reason, he's not into you, and if he hasn't approached you in the gym since then you should just leave him to it.

But in saying that, I didn't approach him either. Could be thinking the same thing.

I'm a man full of what ifs!

wiggle16

So am I, my dear! So am I.

But, he hasn't messaged back, and knows who you are, and saw you in the gym and walked by. He would have said something if he was interested.

If he was interested, he would have replied, and if he was interested, he would have said hi. Long and short of it is, if he was interested, you wouldn't be posting here!

Chalk it up to hard luck and keep your eyes peeled, there's 3.5 billion more men out there

baby and crumble

TBH if it were me, matched with someone, chatted back and forth I'd be the type when I see them next to be like "hey I know we matched on tinder, but you didn't message back the last time. I'd love to go for a coffee but I get if it's weird since we go to the same gym. Let me know" and THEN leave them to it. That way everyone knows exactly where the situation is, and if he says yes, great, if he still doesn't reply or whatever at least you were upfront. People generally appreciate that even if it's awkward AF in the midst of it.

eaglach

wiggle16 wrote: »

So am I, my dear! So am I.

But, he hasn't messaged back, and knows who you are, and saw you in the gym and walked by. He would have said something if he was interested.

If he was interested, he would have replied, and if he was interested, he would have said hi. Long and short of it is, if he was interested, you wouldn't be posting here!

Chalk it up to hard luck and keep your eyes peeled, there's 3.5 billion more men out there

Tinder is notoriously bad for people replying. Also, I was keeping my head down and avoiding him any time I saw him in the gym so there wouldn't have been an opportunity for him to say anything. My only glimmer of hope is that he didn't unmatch me!

baby and crumble wrote: »

TBH if it were me, matched with someone, chatted back and forth I'd be the type when I see them next to be like "hey I know we matched on tinder, but you didn't message back the last time. I'd love to go for a coffee but I get if it's weird since we go to the same gym. Let me know" and THEN leave them to it. That way everyone knows exactly where the situation is, and if he says yes, great, if he still doesn't reply or whatever at least you were upfront. People generally appreciate that even if it's awkward AF in the midst of it.

I wouldn't be good with that kind of face to face interaction. I've never actually approached a guy in real life - all through the apps unfortunately.

Although I do like the idea of what you said, but maybe through Tinder instead. I didn't really acknowledge that I recognised him, so maybe if I say I did and that it might be awkward, can leave it to him if he wants to pursue or not. At least then I don't have the "what if" hanging over me.

wiggle16

I do agree with Baby and crumble, there's no harm in asking, you've nothing to lose after all. I just don't think anything will come of it and it looks like he's not interested - I would be delighted to be proved wrong all the same

If you're going to do it, be more direct than you have been, use baby and crumble's wording. It strikes me that you have probably been too coy about it and perhaps he thinks you're not bothered.