Feelings of insecurity and inadequacy

LegacyUser

Just turned 41 and I feel really down in life right now . My life is just empty unfulfilled and downright boring so much so that its led me to hitting the drink very hard. I work 12 hour shifts so all my life involves is work for 4 days off 4 days and and those 4 days off can be very boring. All I have is playing my ps4 going to the gym and drinking by myself. I know one solution would be looking for a new job with a more Monday to Friday 9-5 type of routine but I would be taking a massive salary hit to do this. I have also been very bad with money throughout the years despite earning very good money I have zero savings which is an absolute disgrace . I have also never had a relationship and whilst I can come across as quite confident when I speaking to members of the opposite sex deep down I have major insecurity issues . I mean for example if I was to enter into a relationship with a girl my shortcomings would become apparent straight away. 1.Never had a past relationship 2. Doesn't have any savings despite earning fantastic money. 3. Rents a basic 1 bedroom apparent and drives a banger of a car despite earning a fantastic salary 4. Doesn't really have much going on or have a life. To me most girls would run a mile from this situation or am I over analysing things ? Would appreciate some advice

Rubberchikken

you cant change everything at once so begin with one thing.
what interests do you have? is there an activity/group/organisation you could join?
look at your outgoings. what are you spending your income on and where can you make changes so that you can start saving.

theres no shame in the type of car anyone owns. thats a personal choice imo. if you want a different car then thats up to you.
having a relationship requires effort- going out, meeting people, taking a chance on asking someone out. only you can do that.

best of luck

Daisy78

Your post looks familiar, perhaps you might have posted here before about this? Leaving the relationship thing aside, both the money and social life issues are fixable.

I suppose the first obvious question is why don’t you have any savings? You’ve mentioned that you are on a good salary, did not occur to you at any stage to put some of that away, even say in the credit union? It’s never any harm to have rainy day funds, even if you are not planning on buying a house or a car with it. But it takes action on your part, set up a direct debit to a savings account, even if it is a small amount initially.

Leaving that aside, you say that your current circumstances are not working for you but you seem unwilling to take the opportunity to make changes. If your current location and job are not giving you the chance to meet new people then why stay there? You say that it would mean a drop off in salary but it’s not clear what you are actually doing with that money, how are you spending it? There seems to be no advantage to staying where you are at all.

In relation to meeting women, well the reality is that it might be off putting to some but not to all. We all need to present ourselves in the best possible light but you have to motivate yourself to get to that point.If you don’t believe that you have something to offer nobody else will.

Xterminator

Hi Op

you seem overwhelmed with all the issues you can pick out.

you can buy a quick pick twice a week and hope your number come up, or you can be practical and make small changes that will add up.

the 1st thing that stuck me was no savings but good salary. you know you can sort this. If you spend your entire salary each month, then you could probably start there.

1. start a budget planner and write down every single expense.

2. Cut out some luxuries. you could start making a lunch 4 times a week, make coffee in the job rather then buying starbucks etc. for me personally if buy breakfast and lunch in work, and a takeaway coffee - 12.50 a day x 20 days of the month - so much money there i can save.
If you only allow yourself to do that 1 day a week, for me its friday!

3. change gas and electric if you haven't changed for a year.

4. create a savings account and transfer a sum every month by direct debit eg €200 when you get paid. if you have any left over salary, manually transfer that too.

This will make you feel better and give you a security blanket. on good months you can save more too, and watch your balance grow.

Next you mentioned you could take a massive salary cut, if you changed jobs now. how about doing a part time course instead? one with flexible lessons online lecture etc.
https://www.dcu.ie/connected/index.shtml

with a degree or post grad, those job opportunities may be vastly improved. also you get to meet new people and fill up those hours with something that is more wholesome than PS4 and drink etc!