Fed up with Anxiety and Doctors

LegacyUser

Hi all -

I have been experiencing fairly bad anxiety and panic attacks for around 10 years or so. This came to ahead after some serious trauma involving my mother's breakdown. I went to CBT and was fairly good and engaged in it.

After 2-3 years of nearly weekly CBT sessions (she is a fantastic therapist and highly qualified - CBT is usually short in its treatment but I was also doing some general stuff), I decided I wanted to go on antidepressants to support me further. I was given some medication at the lowest dose and xanax to help when extremely anxious. I rarely took the xanax and focused on CBT but kept them with me as a safety behaviour.

I have been on the strongest dose after a few years and taking xanax (a low dose, albeit) maybe once a week. I was put on the highest dose of my antidepressant after other life issues and was doing well generally and stopped counselling. I felt like I was very much managing the anxiety with the meds and my own new thinking.

Fast forward a few months ago where my doctor, upon review, decided that she wanted me on a lower dose of antidepressants as I was doing so well. I agreed and she decided to cut my monthly xanax in half. I was happy enough with this. The new dose was not working. I was panicking in situations I couldn't imagine. I was anxious, irritable, incredibly down at times, fed up generally. I realised then that I was taking more xanax than usual to compensate for the deficiency of the antidepressant. More being nearly every day just to get by.

I went back to my GP after I realised I needed to knock that on the head and get back up on my meds. She said that my intake of xanax is worrying and alluded to the fact that I am showing signs of dependency. I am gutted. Addiction, like in most Irish families, is a common theme in my past problems with family and it's something I am always worried about with me. I beat myself up every time I take a xanax, I monitor my intake, I tell someone every time I take one, I count them and make sure I am not going crazy on them. This hit me hard.

I don't know what I want to glean from this thread and I am not looking for medical advice (obviously) but I am fed up feeling this way. It's been 10 years of anxiety and panic and counselling made me broke (100 euro a pop once a week... for 3 years on and off). I have done everything - I have cut out sugar, started yoga, did marathons, etc etc etc. I was annoyed leaving as I felt that she was the one who suggested going down on my dose which meant higher xanax intake... and then she alludes to the fact that I am showing signs of dependecy...

I know xanax has become an issue for people but this drug was made for my situation. Why am I getting punished over some people's issues with it... That coupled with the difficulty finding affordable local therapy is making me feel a bit helpless. It seems when you look for help it just isn't that accessible. I am not suicidal but I feel like I am becoming depressed at this stage.

wiggle16

Hi OP

I'd be a little stuck for how to advise you specifically, but I hate seeing a post go unanswered. Hopefully you're still reading.

While it's disappointing that the GP's efforts didn't work, I think she did the right thing in deciding to reverse her decision and while it's understandable I don't think there's any point in being angry about it. I assume it was something you were fairly happy to do when she initially suggested it - that's a good thing because it shows how willing you are to be flexible and try new things. I do know where you're coming from to a certain extent, I have a long term illness and several years ago my doctor decided to change my treatment as she thought it had completely stabilised, and it turned out to be a disaster that took a couple of years to put right again. I did feel annoyed at her after the fact, but I had to remind myself that she was doing what she thought was best for me and in my interests. They're human and they can make well-intentioned mistakes like anyone else.

It sounds like you have done brilliantly to be honest considering the hand you've been dealt, even if it doesn't seem that way to you. You've tried plenty of things to compliment medication to make your anxiety more manageable and it sounds like you've been very active in that regard. That's to your credit. A lot of people with generalised anxiety aren't so hands-on with their own condition (in my experience) because of how all-consuming and paralysing it can be and I think it says a lot about how determined you are.

Your post is a little hard to follow but I take from it that your previous prescription has been restored? Hopefully that will stabilise you again - and with that in mind, maybe you could reframe how you look at what happened. You can either see it as a failed attempt at improving your quality of life, or you can see it as a good thing, one more bit of knowledge about your condition to be armed with: your previous dose of medication is right for you, and you can strike "changes to medication" off the list for now.

If your GP believed you had an addiction to xanax she would have said so and would be treating you for it, and you'd be in no doubt about that. She didn't say that, she expressed concern about the amount you were taking and she restored your previous prescription - she wants to prevent that from happening and that is conscientious of her. If she thinks you are showing signs of dependency then you need to engage with her about it, not get angry. I do think your view of this is a little skewed, based on what you've said. I don't believe you are being punished for other people's issues with it - the GP is concerned about your recent intake of it because, as helpful as it is to many people, it is also a potent and addictive medication and your intake went up. Other people had issues with it because of the fact that it is potent and addictive. She doesn't want that to become your issue with it too. She's not criticising you, she is telling you what she sees and making an informed medical decision. And if she hasn't actually made any changes to your xanax prescription then I think you are getting prematurely worried about it. Is it that you are afraid she will take you off it entirely, even though you have found it helpful?

I think you really need to bite the bullet with regards some sort of therapy or counselling, such as with CBT. You said before that the facilitator was fantastic - can you not look into attending with them again? It strikes me from your post that you have a lot of anxiety around taking and being on xanax itself and I think that talking to someone about that is something you could benefit from. What do you think?

I think you have done fantastically, all things considered. As with managing any long term difficultly, whether it's medical, psychological, financial, whathaveyou, you will get knocked back and have setbacks. You now know something about your condition that you weren't certain about before - that can only be a good thing.

Best of luck OP. I hope you find something that works for you soon x

Doctors room ghost

Have a chat with your gp.they may agree to up the dose on your antidepressant and put you on a tapering dose of xanax with a view to coming off them fully over a month in a controlled weaning.explain yourself clearly to them.