Embarrassing condition, finding it hard to tell partner....

LegacyUser

I'm with my boyfriend 2 years. We are both in our late thirties and pretty certain we'll go the distance. Generally we have great communication but this particular issue is hard for me to bring up.

So, without any interest in medical advice...

I suffer with IBS to the point where if I even have a tiny bit of fruit I'll deliver seriously poisonous gases and be cramping and bloated for hours. Similarly with some but not all veggies.

As a result, when things started getting serious with himself I opted for a fairly bread, egg and meat based diet, I do eat the veggies that I can (i'm not at risk of scurvy or anything) and I try my best to eat brown bread with seeds or nuts and it has totally fixed the gas issue however it was quickly replaced with chronic constipation. We live together, my bowel movements (or lack there of) are a regular discussion, it's something we joke about but I also went to the doctor about it last week as I have been irresponsibly ignoring the fact that there is a lot of pain and I needed to push my rectum back in after going (due to all the straining)

Anyway, completely my own fault for letting it get worse and worse and my doctor, of course told me this needs to be sorted, he didn't examine me but referred me to a specialist who I haven't seen yet, my GP mentioned pelvic floor, so I thought that was the more romantic version of the story to relay when I got home.

So I now have my appointment to see the consultant and I have been googling it a bit (and ignoring the ridiculous articles) but given that it's not a grey area diagnosis, it's black and white - you either have a full prolapse or you don't. I am very sure that I do.

I am also pretty convinced based on what my GP said in conjunction with my research that I will be sent to have surgery to fix this issue.

I'm just wondering, with no doubts about how genuine his love is or anything like that....would this make someone unattractive to you? Honestly?

I just love how much we fancy each other and it's kind of special to me, i'm really comfortable being around him without makeup or when my skin breaks out, what I mean is, it's not an insecurity thing. I'm just terrified that he will think this is disgusting and although I know he will be supportive, the whole ordeal we're potentially about to go through is just hard to stomach, like, i'm going to be so embarrassed, obviously if I'm having an operation everyone is going to find out what's happened.

Is there any easy way to go about this? I'm not comfortable withholding it from him at all, just each time I have tried the words "rectal prolapse" won't come out lol

Jenneke87

That sounds pretty serious, I hope they will fix it soon, it sounds horrible. Listen, I understand you feel uncomfortable talking about this but you're gonna have to tell him at some point. If you need surgery it's not something you're gonna be able to hide from him. And if he really thinks it makes you less attractive then he's not really all that great is he? I mean, he's not the one troubled by all this, you are! And unless I'm reading this all wrong it's not something that he's immediately confronted with so to say unless he goes to the bathroom with you..? If my partner suffered from this I'd be seriously worried about him.

Tiddlypeeps

If you are comfortable having conversations and joking around about your bowel movements, or lack thereof, then he is not a complete prude so it's very unlikely he will be anything other than concerned about you when you tell him.

.......

Unfortunately medical issues can be disgusting.

I mean this in the nicest possible way but I think you might be projecting your own insecurities onto him.

Personally I would be more upset that youd changed your diet and caused yourself constipation to the point of needing surgery over thinking your surgery was disgusting.

And no one has to know what an operation is about.

Its an unfortunate truth but sometimes disgusting things happen with the body. My husband once broke through the bathroom door to find me with diarrhea shooting out one end and vomit out the other - him with a towel in his hand (for what I dont know - in the end he used it to cover his face to escape the smell!). He was fine about it afterwards even though I was mortified and convinced I could smell poo and vomit off the walls for months afterwards.

ElizaBennett

My sister thought she had prolapse nut when she was examined it was found to be very bad piles. This could be cade for you too so wait and see first.
These often need surgery themselves so you could tell a white lie and say you're having surgery to treat piles, if you find this less embarrassing. I get why you're concerned and maybe it depends on how queasy he is. I madly fancy my partner and don't think this would affect my feelings but I definitely wouldn't want to see it or accidentally touch it. Knowing about it fine though, and presumably it can be fixed successfully. You need to guard against really bad constipation in future though, which I know isn't easy. Feel for you. Rotten problem.

volono

Hi O.p.
Don't want to sound to harsh but your with your partner 2 years and all things being equal are getting on really well. You have totally overthought this imo. See them tonight and tell them , tonight. If you haven't the type of relationship that you can't and are this worried about it maybe its not all as good as your saying. Speak tonight about it, it'll be insignificant to your partner i'd imagine. Stop worrying.

Caranica

Sorry to be so direct but has your partner not noticed? Surely some bulging will be visible during oral sex or during sex in certain positions?

I think you're worrying unnecessarily, think of it as a hernia, completely natural if not unusual.

dartboardio

No, i wouldnt find this unattractive in my boyfriend if this happened him.

Stuff like that isn't attractive anyway (going to the toilet etc.) so problems when going to the toilet or similar is hardly gonna make it any less attractive than it already is (not).

I would think of it the same way I would if my boyfriend had another issue/illness/disease whatever, just hope he is okay and never in any pain, and do what I can to help!

Xx

witchgirl26

OP I can empathise as I also suffer from IBS and know the embarrassment that can come of some of it's not so great side-effects. Look if you were only going out a short while, it would be one thing but 2 years in and living together and him noticing your bowel movements then you need to let him in on the other side of it and not be putting yourself into medical difficulty over it.

You can just use the term prolapse if you find the term "rectal prolapse" too much but I do think you need to talk to him about it. And openly. There's going to be no fun or easy way to bring it up. As for everyone finding out if you have an operation, they don't need to know what it's for. That's up to you. All you have to say is that you have to have a procedure done. None of anyone's business. As for making someone unattractive - no why would it? Maybe if it was early stages it might be a bit much but 2 years in, it's not going to change how I'd feel about someone or make them any less in my eyes.

Hopefully it's not a prolapse and is something else but either way, I'd have a serious discussion with your doctor about managing your IBS. Look into the FODMAPS diet (but do it with a qualified dietitian through a hospital). It's meant that I can be diet controlled with none of the common IBS things affecting daily life. You don't have to swing so wildly from one extreme to the other with it all. Trust me.

LegacyUser

Thank you everyone.

LOL@ "Has he not noticed?"

Like, I can put it back in, it's just not meant to come out in the first place....gross, I know.

So, I was thinking about it on my way home from work and I realised that if it was him telling me that I would only want him to be OK and it wouldn't phase me at all.

I told him when I got home, he was completely unphased but felt really sad that I was afraid to tell him and had been worrying about it on my own.

I'm a sap. But thank you all for making me see that

woodchuck

Mod note:

Hi OP, I'm glad you were able to tell your partner.

I'll close the thread now as this issue has been resolved. The best of luck with your medical appointment.