What would you do?

LegacyUser

Ok here it is. Would really appreciate some advice. Am struggling.

I am a mature student. I spent many years abroad building experience to access a super competitive career programme there and needed to come back to Ireland due to my brother getting into trouble, which led me to having to decide on doing the programme here, knowing the standard would be lowered etc.

I now find myself turning 40 and living in the middle of nowhere with my lazy brother, and doing the programme day in day out. It won't finish for many years yet.

I am miserable. My peers are a lot younger, quite cheeky and rude and have no problems leaving me out of things. I find myself very affected by not being liked, as when I speak my mind, my views are often not agreed with by the younger ones who will cut across me and dismiss me. I find myself very depressed for days after being in their company. It is not a nice feeling knowing that I am disliked but I am trapped with them. I have spent so long at this that it just isn't an option to back out. The GP recently prescribed me some Xanax and I am considering just popping one of those a day from now on just to tolerate them.

My brother has let me down throughout my life despite me supporting him as much as I can. I've given him a place to live as he wound up on the street, but he doesn't clean up and I have been under major pressure the past few months and needed him, but after making promises he just did what he always does, lay in bed and then argued with me making excuses for himself. I've barely spoken to him now for a few weeks. So I don't really have anyone to chat with now.

I split up with the girl of my dreams 2 years ago and she hates me now. I think she just needs to hate me to move on, or whatever the reason. It still hurts pretty bad. I'd like to move on, but I haven't been out for over a year, and since coming back here am just miserable. I 'struggle' with a lot of Irish people, the culture, and the systems here, even though I'm obviously a proud Irish person when away from home!

So I guess I'm looking for some advice on what to do to get my life together again. I feel like a tool sitting with these young ones sometimes as all of my actual peers are off enjoying their lives and families and careers. They're not perfect but at least they're more developed.

Rubberchikken

you have to decide whether you hang around and see your life dwindling away looking after a brother eho doesnt seem willing or able to change, or you move on and start living again.
i dont understand what programme you mention or how it could last for years yet.

can you look for a job? is this programme leading to a career/employment?

your brother is an adult. youve been fair and tried. only you can decide what to do next.
best of luck

LegacyUser

Leave.
You have given your brother every opportunity,& years of your life. There's only so much in anyone. Your well has run dry. It's time to focus on your life, not his. You will be in a better position to support him, emotionally& financially, by following your own dreams

MissShihTzu

I'd stop looking at everyone else and take a good look at yourself and decide what you want....

40 is a bit of a turning point in life, I do agree. You tend to re-assess your life, priorities and where you want to go. For myself? I had a job I hated, a bloke I didn't really like and was going nowhere with and a flat I hated. You know what? I got rid of all three! Took time, but I did it and felt much better as a result of it.

Look for friends your own age group - hard, I know but try. Is there a hobby you like to do? A book club perhaps? Are you arty or sporty? Meetups are quite good for this as well. You never know - you might get a nice girlfriend along the way too!

As for your brother? Cut the cord! Why do you need to support him? Are there medical issues at play here??

I suppose I'm trying to say - make your own happiness! You have only one life and you have to live it for you. It won't be easy, but you can do this!

Purple Mountain

A very simple nugget I heard before.
'Pick up the mirror, not the magnifying glass.'
Think about it.
You mention a lot of external situations that are affecting you.
You need to look to yourself.
You are the author of your own destiny.
Carpe diem as they say.
It's your life to live, feck the rest of em!

shesty

You cannot control your brother.You cannot control your peers.
You can control where you live (mostly).You can control whether you stay in this programme or not (like others I am absolutely intrigued as to what programme this is that can go on for so long and apparently require so much experience).
So you need to let go of the things you can't control.All the cliches.You only get one life, and you can sit there watching it go by and telling yourself you can't change things, or else you can get up, go out and grab it by the b*#ls.And that will mean making some tough decisions, but they will be worth it.