Apartment Sharing

kat20

Hi,

I am just looking for advice on the best way to handle this situation.

I will be moving in with my boyfriend in the apartment he is already living in with a guy and another guy who will be moving in at the same time as me as the couple currently living there will be moving out either end of next month or July.

My boyfriend is all about keeping the guy who will be staying happy. So as a result of this his rent will be slightly reduced and the bills will be split evenly even though 1 of the bills is a sports package that neither me or my boyfriend will be watching. He wants to have friends over every Saturday for drinks and have this girl he is casually seeing stay the weekend and 1 or 2 nights during the week which I am actually all fine with.

The one thing that is non-negotiable with me is this guy smokes weed and he is looking to smoke in the sitting room of the apartment which to me is disgusting. That is fine if he wants to smoke but it shouldn't be in the apartment. My boyfriend has already agreed this with the guy as he really seems to be just doing everything to keep him happy.
I'm just looking for advice on how best to explain to my boyfriend who actually already knows I hate it and the smell or if people think I am completely in the wrong to say so as well.

JeffKenna

To be honest I think this is more of a relationship issue between you and your boyfriend as opposed to a house sharing issue.

lulu1

I wouldnt move in with all these issues floating around. Why is your boyfriend so keen to keep the chap who is staying happy, and even giving him a reduction in rent

I say have a serious chat with your boyfriend

Ursus Horribilis

I think the boyfriend was asleep at the wheel here and/or was a bit of an eejit. The existing guy has run rings around him and has more or less taken over your future love nest before you ever move in. He's going to be sitting in the communal area (I assume) smoking pot while you and the others do what? You'll have to tolerate his drunken mates coming around at weekends and sex noises coming through the walls. And paying for his extra TV channels while he's at all of this. We should give this man a job in government because he knows how to negotiate. Even if you weren't planning on moving in (I think it's a terrible idea), you should be telling your boyfriend that he was caught rotten here.

Always Tired

You're gonna be popular in that gaff to be sure.

Just start looking for a place to share with your bf now, because that's the inevitable outcome of this. Best case scenario actually.

Another poster said, 'This guy's taking over your potential love nest before you even move in.' But the guy was there first, no? So from his perspective it's going to be 'She's harshing my buzz and trying to turn my smoking den into a love nest.'

There is no love nest when 2 other lads are going to be living there. It will be 3 lads and one girl nagging at them and it will be murder. Living with couples just doesn't work. Not for the couple nor the other people having to share with them.

Fwiw, I smoke weed but not in the house would never expect housemates who didn't smoke to allow it. Even if I have the option I'd rather not because the smell lingers for ages and you end up with all kinds of paraphernalia around the gaff and the whole place smelling like a bong. It just makes the gaff a lot less nice imo but some are different obviously.

But you'll be making a huge mistake if you move into that place. The kind of home you want will not be there when you come home and you'll be annoyed about it, you'll probably be the enemy to this other lad and it will probably cause fights in your relationship. I don't even know why you're considering it tbh, like moving into a frat house basically.

Big Bag of Chips

Why has your bf agreed to reduce the other housemates rent? On what basis? The lad moved in to the house a few months ago, living with a couple and another fella. Nothing is changing in that set up. He will still be living with a couple and another housemate. So why will his rent be reduced? And as a result will you and the other housemate be picking up the difference or is your bf going to subsidise it himself?

Usually a couple pays slightly less rent each, because they are sharing a room. If someone has an en suite they pay a bit more etc.

Your bf seems to be a bit clueless as to how houseshares really work. And if he's asking you and his friend to move in to cover the bills, has he let you both know that the housemate will be paying less rent, will have almost exclusive use of the sitting room (if you both don't particularly fancy sitting in his second had smoke) and you'll all be contributing to sports packages that you will probably never use?

This is not a good idea. It might be a grand idea for a house full of lads who aren't all that bothered about who eats, sleeps, drinks whatever. It's not going to be a good setup for a couple living together for the first time and finding their feet.

Ursus Horribilis

I was being facetious when I referred to this as a love nest. In reality it's the flatshare from hell. I pity the flatmate who's moving in to replace the one who's leaving. Sharing with couple and yer man who has now got the run of the place.

nothing

Is the landlord ok about smoking in the apartment and will it effect your deposit?

killanena

I'll admit I smoke a bit of weed every now and again but I used to share with 2 lads who smoked pretty much every day inside our flat. Even as somebody who enjoys the occasional smoke I couldn't stand it. Ash and smoke stains everywhere. Always a smell of it in the air. One of the lads sometimes would sell a bit and all sorts would be calling over. I stopped smoking myself and kept my room locked because I was paranoid I was going to be robbed or the flat would be raided because of those tools.

I left after 11 months. Living in an apartment now with the girlfriend the last 4 years and the rare time we smoked we go outside on the balcony thats up nice and high and facing a river. We don't smoke inside out of respect to our one neighbour on our floor and keeping our landlords property clean.

The_Conductor

Go get your own place- the compromises that your boyfriend has agreed to with this individual are staggeringly ridiculous.
Added to all of this- you can be pretty sure that the level of a deepclean needed when he eventually moves- will bankrupt everyone's deposit.
Seriously- you'd be completely bonkers to move into the situation that you've outlined- and if you did- you'd be miserable every minute until you eventually managed to extricate yourself from the place.

Don't do it.

Bigmac1euro

The_Conductor wrote: »

Go get your own place- the compromises that your boyfriend has agreed to with this individual are staggeringly ridiculous.
Added to all of this- you can be pretty sure that the level of a deepclean needed when he eventually moves- will bankrupt everyone's deposit.
Seriously- you'd be completely bonkers to move into the situation that you've outlined- and if you did- you'd be miserable every minute until you eventually managed to extricate yourself from the place.

Don't do it.

Don’t think it’s as easy as getting their own place unfortunately. It’s a nightmare out there. Sharing is the only possibility I’d say.

lorimc

As a student one my housemates basically moved her BF in without asking and they spent every evening smoking weed. They did it in her room but it was downstairs so the whole place stank. The worst part was that clothes drying in the living room always seemed to smell of weed. It's not unreasonable to ask anyone that smokes to do it outside.

Edgware

There are red light warning signals all over this position. It is a sad reflection on out rental market that a couple cannot get reasonably priced accommodation for themselves. Instead they to share with other adults who quite rightly dont want their arrangements disturbed.
I can already see rows about dirty ashtrays, the last of the milk being taken from the fridge, unwelcome house guests etc.
The warning signal is there. Ignore at your petil

The_Conductor

Bigmac1euro wrote: »

Don’t think it’s as easy as getting their own place unfortunately. It’s a nightmare out there. Sharing is the only possibility I’d say.

Fine- get a flatshare/houseshare somewhere else.
The current proposal is wholly untenable- and the boyfriend is a complete pushover to have agreed to everything he has agreed to.

Mrs OBumble

You are the one moving into an established house share. Their gaf, their rules. If you don't like 'em, don't move in.

Possibly you need to upgrade to a more compatible boyfriend.