Husband doesn't love me

LegacyUser

a few weeks ago my husband told me he wasn't sure if he still loved me, it came out of the blue or at least that is how it felt to me at that time, maybe he was feeling that way for some time? we've had two kids together (both young) and to be honest i just cannot shake the baby tummy, i've tried exercising and have taken up a sport to try and help but it won't go away... he has told me before he's not attracted to my flabby tummy and preferred my pre baby body as he was attracted to that, he was gutted himself at how shallow he felt, so after he told me a few weeks ago he didn't think he loved me anymore i took it really badly, the next day he got upset and told me he didn't really mean it and he wants us to give things another go.

Last week during a conversation i pushed and he told me he's sexually attracted to a girl he works with, he says nothing happened between them and they barely even talk but he found himself attracted to her like most people do at times in their lives i guess (and i believe him when he says nothing happened because he is not a liar or even a bad person, in fact he is a very good person and everyone would tell you that) i know i shouldn't have but i looked her up online and i can't get her out of my head, i can't sleep, i can't breathe and i end up crying most of the time when i am thinking of it. she's younger by a lot, blonder, skinnier, more into the same things as him and she's everything he fancies and everything i am not anymore, if anything she reminds me of a pre babies me, i'm usually a confident person and i am usually body confident, but not for the last few weeks, i cannot even talk to my friends because i'd be so embarrassed and would hate to embarrass him, but i need to talk or vent or both so i came here...

just today i had reason to ring him at work, he was on his lunch break and honestly he sounded happier than i've heard him in years, or well happier than he is at home with us anyway, and again i am here upsetting myself and breathless, again my mind is in overdrive, is it because he's seen her? is he with her? is he lying to me? i cannot shake these horrible thoughts... i know it's stupid and i'll end up doing more damage to the marriage this way.


i just want to feel better, i want us to move on together, i want to get over this glitch, but i'm also aware you cannot make someone love you.
i just can't get this out of my head even though i feel i'm being irrational and stupid. am i?

MissShihTzu

Not at all, OP. You poor thing - If my husband told me he wasn't sure he still loved me, I would take it badly too!

It's very poor form of your husband to have an emotional affair (if that's what it is) and to tell you about it as well - This younger, skinnier and blonder model. Has she had two kids as well? If she had, I sure as hell bet her body would change too.

Your husband sounds like an unfeeling, shallow dick - I'm sorry, but a good person would not comment on his wife's body after having two children for him, have an emotional affair, make her feel like sh1t and then tell her he didn't really mean it. Your gut is right - something is going on and you need to get to the bottom of it.

Family life is busy and hectic. He needs to understand that, and help you. Do you have time to yourself? Does he take the kids whilst you go to the gym/classes/coffee with your friends??

Sit him down when it's quiet, and try to talk to him. Tell him he needs to have an honest conversation with himself as well as you, and figure out what you want and how to move forward from here.

Counselling either alone or better still together, would be good as well.

I hope it works out for you.

LegacyUser

I'm not sure if it is an emotional affair, he has told me he's never really spoken to her bar in a group setting on breaks, she does not have any kids which is probably why he finds himself attracted to her and not me. like i said she's perfect for him, and like he said, he doesn't find the mummy tummy attractive at all. Thats not his fault, I am desperately trying everything i can to lose it. i did sit ups for months until it hurt, i ran till i couldn't keep going, i tried loads more, it won't budge, i even looked up surgery options but that isn't/wasn't me.


he didn't really tell me about her, i got the feeling in the middle of another conversation that he was hiding something from me and i dragged it out of him. he felt really bad about it and i felt bad for pushing it. but i think i'd rather know than not know, but that doesn't change the fact i'm heartbroken, i've never felt this devastated, but i still feel stupid for feeling this way, he's done nothing wrong other than being honest with me. it's me now that has this problem.

he is a great dad and until this caught me off guard i would have said he was a great husband, at least i thought so maybe i missed something? he would always spend his out of work time with our kids and giving me a break, or with us as a family, he knows how hard it is to be alone with two kids all day, or at least i thought he knew, we split household chores 50/50 ish, he does more when i'm tired and i try to do more when i know he is. i thought we had it all until this blew me out of the water tbh

as for friends, it's been hard lately, they have children younger than ours and they are busy with their own lives and their own stuff, we still talk daily via the internet but even trying to meet for a coffee has been hard, and anyway i couldn't discuss this with them.


i feel like a fraud, like i shouldn't be upset about all of this, but like i said i can't stop thinking about it, and it's killing me inside. I'm a mess and i don't want to be.

.......

Look - peoples marriages are not based on one person having a tummy or not having the body they had when they were younger and if your husband has actually told you that he is not attracted to you because of how your body has changed from having children then he is extremely shallow and not a very nice person.

Even if you did have the body you had before having children there will always be someone better looking, younger, blonder etc that your husband works with or knows through someone. Marriage isnt based on being so gorgeous that your other half cant find anyone better. And nor should you be made to feel so insecure that you fear he is after someone else just because you think she looks better than you.

I would advise you to go to counselling. Your self esteem is in the toilet and you are not thinking straight.

Im not sure your husband is thinking straight either to be honest. He has been incredibly cruel to you by putting your body down and comparing you to a younger woman and then changed his mind and told you he wants to keep going - thats not on. You dont drop a bomb and hurt someone then just change your mind.

If I were you I would sit him down for a very serious chat about where he wants to be with regards to his marriage and his children. You thought things were fine and he suddenly disclosed that he thought he didnt love you - thats not a sign of a healthy relationship and if he wants to fix it (and not just brush his hurtful behaviour under the carpet) then you both need to take steps towards that. If he doesnt, then you both need to decide how to move forward. You will need to see solicitors, arrange one of you to move out, arrange access for the kids etc... Talk to him about these things and the seriousness of the situation - because it is pretty serious IMO, when one person causes the level of distress that you have been caused.

pleasehelpconfusedwife

pleasehelpconfusedwife wrote: »

he's done nothing wrong other than being honest with me. it's me now that has this problem.

Wow, your self esteem really is in the toilet. Your husband is behaving appallingly, yet you seem to think this is all on you and your "mummy tummy".

If you can't talk to your friends, talk to a counsellor as soon as possible, I think it would help a lot and enable you to process and manage this situation.

Yellow pack crisps

Pretty insensitive of your husband to say that about your tummy. You had two kids and that had a physical affect on you. Does he realise how hard you’re taken this? It seems he is living a fantasy, maybe he is not looking at the lady in the way you think he is, maybe he is more like thinking of the easy life, no kids, no chores etc. Do you both make time for each other? As in spending time togeather having a night out or lunch alone etc? I think first thing you should do is take a deep breath and see the qualities you have, that the person who is attractive and fun is staring back from a mirror at you. The positive thing with your husband is that he is at least being honest and the positive with you is at least you are not flying of the handle and calling him a bastard. Anyone will tell you that the first few years of young kids will test any relationship and anyone is prone to say or do dumb ****. I really think your husband loves you and is more than likely in that state where he is examining his own sense of Being. I think you need to both make time for yourselves and start having some fun again. All you say is that you both do chores and have family time alone or togeather, but it’s also important to have time and realign your own relationship. If you can go out and get some drinks or get away for a weekend. Focus on what you have now rather than what you had. I would nearly bet any money that it’s not your stomach, it’s something else, some idealistic life before kids, chores, work etc cane along.

Mokuba

He loves you as a person still but is no longer attracted to you. It depends whether you would want to be kept in the dark about such an opinion or not. Him telling you is probably a good sign if anything because I've seen people just mentally check out and never discuss it.

From his point of view you I'd say he thinks you have had enough time to lose it and you haven't. From your point of view you are struggling massively and it is taking a huge toll on your mental health. It's not a nice cycle for anybody. While some might advocate for more understanding on the part of the husband, he probably feels like he has been understanding and it hasn't yielded him anything.

You're clearly not going to get much advice as to the husbands point of view here, only that he is bad. Not trying to be mean as I empathise with your situation, but may as well have some actual input rather than the 24 inevitable posts of "you're perfect and he's terrible."

Tiddlypeeps

I think your husband is being extremely childish and unrealistic. Unless you are seriously underplaying how much baby weight you are carrying he should have expected this as an outcome of having children. Even if you do manage to shift the tummy and become his perfect idea of a woman again what is he going to do when you start to show signs of aging?

If he can't come to terms with the fact that nobody stays perfect forever then he has no business being in a married to anyone. This is his problem, not yours. No matter how much work we put into trying to stop it, we are all facing a future where we are less attractive than we once were. He needs to find a way to deal with that, or he needs to exit the marriage as what he is currently doing is clearly crushing your self esteem.

Honestly I'd recommend you both try some form of counselling, not couples counselling tho, individual. He needs to figure out what his problem is and what he actually wants and you should really have someone you can vent to (if friends can't take on that role) and to work on your self esteem.

woodchuck

i feel like a fraud, like i shouldn't be upset about all of this

Of course you should be upset about this!! How could anyone NOT be upset about this?!

Sometimes we get threads on here about people not being attracted to their partners anymore due to weight gain, but it's usually a lot of weight (not a "mummy tummy") due to poor diet and their partners are making no effort to change. Your situation is completely different.

I've never had kids, but from talking to my friends who have, it doesn't sound like it's just a case of working out to lose weight. The skin around the belly is naturally stretched due to the pregnancies and it will never be the same again. Even if you can get away with it with clothes on, you can't hide it in the bedroom. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad btw, but so that you understand that YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. You've given birth to 2 children and done your best to tone back up afterwards. If your husband doesn't appreciate that then frankly, he's an a$$hole.

I'm not really sure what you can do about the situation, obviously you can't force him to be attracted to you. But just because he's being honest with you, doesn't mean you shouldn't be upset.

The Satanist

Perhaps your husband is subliminally in denial of his own "getting old stuff "; the work colleague is his way of convincing himself that "he's still got it". He has disregarded your feelings, and he needs to acknowledge this and make amends. I'm guessing that you're in the 35-44 bracket, maybe it's a midlife crisis of sorts.

Is it possible that you could go away together for a couple of nights, rediscover each other?

P.s. nothing wrong with a mummy tummy, some men find it sexy af.

LegacyUser

What sort of conversation were you having that prompted him to say he didn't love you, followed by you "pushing" him to admit he fancied someone else?
Tbh any man with a pulse will always fancy other women. Crushes are normal. It's only if they chase them that it becomes an issue.
Definitely attend couples counselling before throwing away years of history & your 2 children's family unit.
Realistically is your husband honestly going to initiate divorce proceedings & all that upheavel based on "a saggy tummy"? Consider the ridiculousness of it.
Don't apologise for your body. You made 2 humans. Every woman in the country who gives birth is no different

eviltwin

You don't fall out of love with someone over something as insignificant as a post pregnancy belly unless you've had a drastic physical change and it's impacting on your life and relationship in a substantial way.

I'd say he's picked out something he knows you are sensitive about and is using it as an excuse for his behaviour with his work colleague. It's a handy out for him because it puts the responsibility for the problem back on you.

I would definitely recommend counselling for yourself to build up your self esteem and as a couple. Hopefully he will be open to that seeing as you have children.

This is not your fault, no amount of weight gain justifies a person having an inappropriate relationship

Unanimous

Mental health is needed to actualise your fitness goals.
That is why I am not happy with what your husband did.
Is he the most attractive man in the world/oil painting himself!?
Did he carry a baby in his stomach for 9 months/breast feed the baby!? how much two!?
I can't stand men who are so easily swayed by a woman's looks to the post that you want to have the shiniest thing at the moment.
I want to encourage you to be the best you can be but not competing with her in your head.
Any body can be blonde if they visit the right salon.
Even couples that are into the same things etc still have issues so that is also not an excuse.
A wise man would know that a life partner/soulmate is more than looks or interests that don't matter in the grand scheme of things.
Why risk your loosing your marriage over another woman's looks when she loose it the same way your wife lost hers?
Why risk your loosing your marriage over another woman's looks when your wife can get back in shape in the nearest future?
By the way, are you guys done having kids? you can't even think of having kids with a man who could say this to you.
What he has said is such a serious statement and I am not sure he understands the depth of what he has said.
You need to have a talk with him and let him know that that behaviour is not what you expect from him

Unanimous

Mokuba wrote: »

He loves you as a person still but is no longer attracted to you. It depends whether you would want to be kept in the dark about such an opinion or not. Him telling you is probably a good sign if anything because I've seen people just mentally check out and never discuss it.

From his point of view you I'd say he thinks you have had enough time to lose it and you haven't. From your point of view you are struggling massively and it is taking a huge toll on your mental health. It's not a nice cycle for anybody. While some might advocate for more understanding on the part of the husband, he probably feels like he has been understanding and it hasn't yielded him anything.

You're clearly not going to get much advice as to the husbands point of view here, only that he is bad. Not trying to be mean as I empathise with your situation, but may as well have some actual input rather than the 24 inevitable posts of "you're perfect and he's terrible."

Her marriage was not contracted based on the size of her stomach.
I can't believe that you are justifying this entitled behaviour that men have towards women.
Talking about "he feels she has had ENOUGH time to loose it"...so therefore he has the right not to find her attractive anymore.
That man is a man child. I am tired of men saying every man has crushes bla bla bla...so do women. women have what they are attracted to as well.
Funny enough we see men other than our partners that with these attributes.
I bet if the wife gets in shape and starts going after other men with her new body he will be able to compete with them?
its only men that will be sporting a beer belly and still have the gods to call dibs on a lady with a slender figure.
I wish she not give in to his bul****.
There are men that are encouraging and working with their wives to shed the baby weight and the result is for the good of the family as whole.
This particular man child is just looking for an excuse to look out and emotionally abuse his wife.
I am in support of her getting her body back but not because he is going about it this way.
How can you have your wife compete with another woman??

Mokuba

Unanimous wrote: »

Her marriage was not contracted based on the size of her stomach.
I can't believe that you are justifying this entitled behaviour that men have towards women.
Talking about "he feels she has had ENOUGH time to loose it"...so therefore he has the right not to find her attractive anymore.
That man is a man child. I am tired of men saying every man has crushes bla bla bla...so do women. women have what they are attracted to as well.
Funny enough we see men other than our partners that with these attributes.
I bet if the wife gets in shape and starts going after other men with her new body he will be able to compete with them?
its only men that will be sporting a beer belly and still have the gods to call dibs on a lady with a slender figure.
I wish she not give in to his bul****.
There are men that are encouraging and working with their wives to shed the baby weight and the result is for the good of the family as whole.
This particular man child is just looking for an excuse to look out and emotionally abuse his wife.
I am in support of her getting her body back but not because he is going about it this way.
How can you have your wife compete with another woman??

Physical attraction is a key part of any relationship and it is disingenuous to suggest otherwise.

Everybody has the right to choose (well it's not really a choice but a biological impulse but anyway) who they are physically attracted to, I'm not sure what rubbish you are talking about here. There is nothing stopping you from ignoring any man with a beer belly.

Is honesty emotional abuse now? He has said what he is attracted to, and somehow that equals emotional abuse? Like it or lump it he is unhappy with her new physique and the OP hasn't been able to do anything about it. She talks about exercising/sport when 90 percent of all progress is diet related. I suspect that it is just a poor understanding of fitness. Having a baby does not make a human being immune to the science of food and energy consumption.

I have tried to give some indication of the other side of the coin, instead of this being an echo chamber of "he's terrible and you're amazing" type comments. There is nothing else to suggest any of the various fantasies about his character as posted in the replies.

Mokuba

eviltwin wrote: »

You don't fall out of love with someone over something as insignificant as a post pregnancy belly unless you've had a drastic physical change and it's impacting on your life and relationship in a substantial way.

I'd say he's picked out something he knows you are sensitive about and is using it as an excuse for his behaviour with his work colleague. It's a handy out for him because it puts the responsibility for the problem back on you.

I would definitely recommend counselling for yourself to build up your self esteem and as a couple. Hopefully he will be open to that seeing as you have children.

This is not your fault, no amount of weight gain justifies a person having an inappropriate relationship

Did you read a different OP?

There is nothing in the OP to suggest the husband is having any kind of inappropriate relationship with the work colleague.

I swear half this thread is utter fantasy.

Gorgeousgeorge

Sounds like a mid life speed wobble to me. But jaysus you are way way to hard on yourself.

listermint

Mokuba wrote: »

Did you read a different OP?

There is nothing in the OP to suggest the husband is having any kind of inappropriate relationship with the work colleague.

I swear half this thread is utter fantasy.

As a husband and father,.this guy is acting the... excuse my French 'wanker'.


It's not on the drop a bomb like that out of the blue. And it's no honest either. If he wanted to improve his wifes physical attributes then he should start with himself and do it as a couple. He should encourage by being a better person


He hasn't so he's frankly a big child. No one that does that is honest or had the emotional conditioning for a relationship.

I'd suggest a councillor for the op.

eviltwin

Mokuba wrote: »

Did you read a different OP?

There is nothing in the OP to suggest the husband is having any kind of inappropriate relationship with the work colleague.

I swear half this thread is utter fantasy.

He's told his wife he doesn't love her, has a problem with her body and he's sexually attracted to a woman he works with. I'm sure the woman at work probably has no interest in him but he's clearly setting up a situation where he will cross the line with another woman. You don't have to be a genius to see it.

Unanimous

Mokuba wrote: »

Physical attraction is a key part of any relationship and it is disingenuous to suggest otherwise.

Everybody has the right to choose (well it's not really a choice but a biological impulse but anyway) who they are physically attracted to, I'm not sure what rubbish you are talking about here. There is nothing stopping you from ignoring any man with a beer belly.

Is honesty emotional abuse now? He has said what he is attracted to, and somehow that equals emotional abuse? Like it or lump it he is unhappy with her new physique and the OP hasn't been able to do anything about it. She talks about exercising/sport when 90 percent of all progress is diet related. I suspect that it is just a poor understanding of fitness. Having a baby does not make a human being immune to the science of food and energy consumption.

I have tried to give some indication of the other side of the coin, instead of this being an echo chamber of "he's terrible and you're amazing" type comments. There is nothing else to suggest any of the various fantasies about his character as posted in the replies.

Her husband is not everybody. He is her husband.
He has the right to be attracted to what he is attracted to but with reason.
physical attraction is a key bla bla bla
That is not the point sir! except you are egging him on.
Why can't he motivate his wife to be better instead of telling her he doesn't find Her attractive and citing a hot colleague at work who he fancies.
My god! is he an oil painting himself?
He is obviously an irresponsible husband hiding under the excess love and low esteem (at this point) of his wife.
There are women that go under the knife weeks after birth for this reason.
All because of men being unreasonable.
I bet if she was a high maintenance wife, he would be on boards writing about a wife trying to run him bankrupt.

What he said is not excusable. As I mentioned earlier, wanting his wife to be better is not the same thing as telling her he doesn't find her attractive and that there is another hot blonde at work that he finds attractive.

Nobody should be told that by their spouse!

LegacyUser

Hi, just reading the posts on here, I took the advice of posters and talked to him tonight, just finished actually, he was completely honest with me,

He says It was a brief attraction which he feels strange about now as he felt he was disrespecting me, and also because he works with her, and shouldn't be thinking of female colleagues like that at all.

As for the things he told me, not that it's an excuse as he said himself but he's told me that he was feeling quite depressed after our youngest was born, I did ask if he had a touch of post natal back then but I guess I didn't notice it hadn't gone away as things were hectic, he knows he let my harmless annoying habits annoy him to the point he said what he said, he says he didn't mean it and was lashing out, he even feels it may have been his way of blame shifting onto me even though it wasn't my fault, we talked it through tonight but as he pointed out the last few weeks have been better for him after talking it out, he says he loves me mummy tummy and all but mostly loves me for being me.

He felt like he needed to be honest with me about everything now he was (finally) talking to me properly again, and he thought I'd take the thing with the girl better than I did, i get this in a way because I'm usually quite lax about other fancying other women/men, like I said I know it just happens and it's how you deal with it that counts, this one just got under my skin since our chat about not loving me a few weeks back, I got paranoid and upset, he's gutted he hurt me as he doesn't like hurting anyone and he has promised to do much better.

I'm feeling a lot better after talking to him but I'm also taking steps to put into place self care, this shouldn't have got to me like it did, so I'm implementing steps I learned years ago into looking after me and my mental and physical self first, so I can be a better mum to our kids but mostly because its eye opening how many posts here highlighted just how much I clearly need it, you are right, I do and he's agreed he's going to put a lot more effort into us and our marriage as he wants us to give this another go.

Taking baby steps I guess and we'll see how it goes,


Thanks for the help everyone who took their time to help.

wiggle16

I had meant to post earlier but it got away from me. You poor thing, I can't imagine how it made you feel to hear all of that.

I'm glad to hear you have talked about it and he seems to have made an effort to explain himself. I really, really think you need more than a bit of self-care though.

You clearly have an issue with your self-image and self-confidence, and this has not helped. I don't know if he was lashing out and said something he knew would get to you when he mentioned your figure, or if it was actually how he felt at the time, or if something came out wrong or what... but this isn't a standard tiff or a rough patch and I think you'd just be putting your hands over your ears if you don't get proper help with it, for both of you. Or this will just rear its ugly head again. I suspect that he is, at least in part, putting a bit of polyfilla in the cracks... while a conversation and outcome like that is reassuring, I don't think it can be enough to resolve whatever is going on in the background, or in his head.
What he said to you was incredibly hurtful and callous, regardless of why. Anyone would be terribly hurt and completely devastated by it. But in your case, your self-esteem was destroyed by it.... and now that he has come around and is willing to work on things, your self-esteem is in recovery. That's not a good dynamic. You need to be able to see the value in yourself as a person, it cannot be based solely upon how he feels about you. I know it's hard to unlink the two.

I think you would benefit from couple's counselling. I think you should also look into getting counselling yourself for your self-esteem.

Best of luck and please look after yourself x

LegacyUser

Thank you for your reply, i felt maybe i should clarify, by self care i didn't mean doing it by myself, i just meant i need to look after me for a change, i have supports in place (like counselling) when i do need them i just didn't really think i needed them, like i said i was never even sure if i had the right to be upset over these things, which from the advice on here shows me that actually maybe i do. So i am going to use my supports.


he wasn't lashing out when he said it to me about the tummy, it was a good few months ago, it just stayed on my mind, he was trying to help me in his awkward way, and it ended with him telling me he wasn't exactly attracted to it, he has beaten himself up about this so much i feel almost bad for mentioning on here i just felt it was a factor in how i was feeling now with this girl incident, and he has desperately tried to make it up to me after saying it but also was dealing with his own issues, it's hard to explain to strangers on the internet but it was an issue he had, caused by an outside factor which no longer exists, i was aware this issue was resolved by itself very recently but i didn't realise how it did impact on him mentally.

i was wounded by what he said and he himself found himself slipping and struggling, which i feel really led up to all of this mess.

while the conversation was important in taking a step in the right direction i'm under no illusions, this is going to need more than words, but we are both happy to move in that direction towards a resolution to make sure this never happens again so that can only be a good thing right?

and i know i don't have to put up with this, i made it clear to him last night that my boundary is here and should it be crossed ever again i am gone. I probably should have done that before this happened but i guess i didn't know myself what my boundaries were if that makes sense?

he himself says he hates that he caused all of this and has promised it will never happen again, i believe him. maybe because i know the ins and outs and get where he was coming from and it wasn't a bad or malicious place, like i said it's hard to explain without getting more personal.

as for my self esteem, i know him being able to knock me like that should never have happened, i need to find myself in all this, and work on that, and i am determined to. I was always so body confident and sure of myself until this happened i think thats why i came here, i felt so unsure and vulnerable about this yesterday, and i know i will be ok again because i do love my body for all it is and all it has given me and the advice on here was really helpful to me so thank you all,

Sleepy

OP, I'm not trying to suggest you have a duty to get back to your pre-motherhood figure or anything like that but something in your original post stuck out: the endless situps.

Bodyfat levels are 90% diet and you can't reduce fat in just one area so no amount of situps will get rid of the baby belly unless your diet is right. Personally, I can recommend the MyFitnessPal ap having lost approx 10 kilos on it over the past three months. It's free, there's no silly "no carbs" / "de-tox" / "magic" to it. It just tracks your calorific intake and helps you stop eating more than you should. Others have great success with Weight Watchers / Slimming World etc. but I don't see any need to pay for something as simple as "make sure you put in less calories than you burn".

Again, I'm not suggesting this is anything you have to do, should do or need to do to make your husband happy but you seem unhappy about your weight and the endless situps made me think that maybe a lack of knowledge about how to get your figure back may be what's holding you back more than a lack of desire to do something about it.

smokingman

As someone who's wife told him she doesn't love me any more and subsequently losing 30kg over 3 months to try and make myself more attractive, I can tell you it's never about that and more to do with something else....always.
I wish the best for you both but if I can give you some advice, the thing you and he thinks is important, very rarely is until you dig deeper.

.......

Sleepy wrote: »

Bodyfat levels are 90% diet and you can't reduce fat in just one area so no amount of situps will get rid of the baby belly unless your diet is right.

Neither diet or exercise will work 100% if permanent abdominal separation has occurred as a result of pregnancy although some treatments may reduce it.

There may also be permanently stretched skin.

Unfortunately pregnancy can have some permanent effects on the body, and while there may be options to improve the appearance - outside of surgery some people may never be able to go back to their pre pregnancy body shape.

But if an adult man cannot accept this reality in his marriage then its a poor reflection on him - he too is aging and suffering permanent changes to his body (baldness, testosterone levels dropping with age etc...) - its just a part of life.

We can all try to look our best but there is always someone younger and fitter to compare ourselves too.

Sleepy

Yep, as a married man with two children I'm well aware of that which was why two out of three paragraphs of my post were emphasising that the OP shouldn't feel under any obligation to lose weight or to have a perfect figure.

I just saw a common misconception in her post (which I shared in my own youth) that endless sit-ups will reduce stomach fat and thought I'd offer the benefit of my own experience.

.......

Sleepy wrote: »

Yep, as a married man with two children I'm well aware of that which was why two out of three paragraphs of my post were emphasising that the OP shouldn't feel under any obligation to lose weight or to have a perfect figure.

I just saw a common misconception in her post (which I shared in my own youth) that endless sit-ups will reduce stomach fat and thought I'd offer the benefit of my own experience.

Apologies if you thought I was trying to diss your advice, actually I thought I was doing the opposite and adding an extra bit of information onto already good advice.

As opposed to it being directed at you personally my comments re abdominal separation were for the benefit of anyone reading who may have been totally unaware that it can happen.